elvan

Not ALL anniversaries are happy...

Blog Post created by elvan on Nov 19, 2019

Five years ago today, I got up in the morning and I wrote my "anniversary" blog, it had been ten months since I smoked. I was working so I had to keep it kind of short but I was SO HAPPY, it was hard for me to believe I had come so far.  Later that day, about 3:00, I got a call at work that my house was on fire.  I was in serious denial and I didn't believe it.  My boss asked me what the call was about and I told her, she told me to go home.  I told her that I didn't have the car and there were students waiting to check out at my register.  I insisted on checking them out so they would not be late t class.  Finally, I went with my boss who graciously offered to drive me home.  As soon as we walked outside, I could smell that horrible smell of smoke, I could hear many, many sirens.  I came close to collapsing but I didn't...I DID have to run back inside and get my phone because I dropped it when I went to leave.  My house was very close to work but the fire department and EMS said we could not drive up the hill.  I told them that the fire was from MY HOUSE and that I had emphysema and there was no way I could walk up that hill.  They let us get a little closer and I sat on the road and watched my house burn.  I saw the flames blow through the tin roof and listened as one window after another shattered.  I was sobbing and in disbelief.  My CATS were in that house, THREE of them, the firemen would not let me get any closer, I think they thought I would run into the house to try to save the cats.  I am sure I would not have made it to the door, the smoke was so thick.  I am not telling you this so you will feel sorry for me, I am telling you because so many people came up to me after the fire and said they could not believe I didn't smoke over the loss of the house and the cats and all of the stuff.  It never occurred to me to smoke...THAT was when I knew the hold that nicotine had on me for so long was over.  I am no hero, believe me, there are others on this site who have gone through unthinkable losses...and they did not smoke.  I am telling you this to reach out to those of you who don't think you can keep your quits...oh yes, you can.

 

I have not been around much lately and I am still having a rough time,  I have to get my husband to the eye surgeon in the morning to see if they can laser some stuff off the back of his eye so he might be able to see.  He had cataract surgery in September but his vision is not at all improved.  

 

Even though I am not here, PLEASE know that I am thinking of you, I do believe I might have lost my mind without EX helping me navigate that Hell I was in.  Stay close to these amazing people, they are priceless.

Love,

Ellen

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