I want you to try to understand that anger is a normal emotion...when we quit smoking, it seems so overwhelming and powerful and it actually may very well be...BUT, it is OUR anger and we can learn to channel it. I lost so many quits over anger because I felt that MY anger was so much worse than others...MY anger could only be described as RAGE. What, exactly, was I so angry about? Personally, I was and I AM angry that I fell into this addiction, that I allowed those drug dealers to take over every aspect of my life. I allowed them to literally take my breath away...not in a good way. I am a very strong woman, I am educated and intelligent and I am committed to my friends and family in the most powerful ways...perhaps, sometimes TOO much. When I talk about how hard it is for me to breathe, how tired I am all of the time because of this COPD, I do not do it so people will feel sorry for me...I DO it because if I can stop even ONE person from going through this...it will validate my journey. I know that I stole time from my children and my grandchildren in order to smoke...I know that I will not be with them as long as I could have if I had taken better care of myself. There is NOTHING I can do about that...NOTHING...BUT, I can take care of myself from here on in and I can offer what I have learned along the way to people who are starting the journey to recovery. I can say absolutely unequivocally that smoking does nothing FOR us...the addiction DOES speak, it makes promises that it will make all of the anger go away, it will relieve the stress, it will even fix physical pain...LIAR, LIAR, LIAR. I HATE liars...LIARS make me angry. We are in recovery...the same recovery as any other addict. I have a son who is a recovering addict and a husband who is a recovering alcoholic...I have seen this up close and personal. I have cared for people who were addicts...I hate seeing anyone in pain so that's a real challenge for me. Now that I am in my OWN recovery and on my OWN journey...don't you DARE tell me that your addiction is worse than mine or anyone else's, that is complete and total B.S. no matter what your drug of choice may have been. We all go through withdrawal...some physical...mostly psychological, there is no way to get through this without feeling some pain...at least, that is not my experience and I will not pretend that it is. Go ahead and give yourself permission to feel angry, to feel sad, to feel pain...no matter what the source. Give yourself permission to be a PERSON who is growing and not a person who is actively committing suicide...one puff at a time.
This journey is worth every single step away from smoking.
Ellen
