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Private Messages

Posted by elvan May 27, 2015

Anyone else notice that while they may be receiving private messages now, there are no notifications that you HAVE a message?  My Inbox says "0" but when I actually go to it, there are messages there.  I got a bunch last night and felt terrible because one was from someone reaching out and I did not reach back because I did not know.  THAT one was one of the ones that was floating around in cyber space.

Happy Memorial Day to everyone.  I have not blogged in a while and felt like it was probably time.

I had a very busy month of May…son’s wedding, 10 day visit to my oldest daughter, and multiple arguments with the insurance company about the homeowner’s insurance and their urgency to get us into our “new” house.  Never mind that the OLD one is still sitting there.  I think things are going to at least start moving in the right direction after tomorrow.  I should hear from the adjuster and we are meeting with an architect and a modular home builder to see if we can get something up that will meet our needs and move quickly.  We have a bid for the demolition, could only get one contractor to call back.

After I got home from NY, I had an appointment at a pulmonology testing clinic to be followed by an appointment with my pulmonologist.  I had oxygen at night when I was in NY.  I went through a little over an hour of testing in the clinic and, much to my dismay, I failed every test I was given.  I have 20% lung function on one side and just over 40% on the other.  I am trapping air and keeping 203% of what I inhale inside of my lungs, making me feel constantly short of breath.  I spiraled into a depression like I had not felt since the fire.  I felt like this was it, this was the end.  A very wise lady (Youngatheart) pointed out to me that I KNEW it was bad, nothing had changed.  I did not need to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, no matter how much I felt like I did.  She’s right, nothing HAS changed, I am not SHORTER of breath now that I know how bad it is and I am bound and determined that even if I can’t reverse this, I can stop it in its tracks with exercise, diet, and the meds I am on.  The pulmonologist recommended a harmonica (she said I don’t have to carry a tune, thank God) and pacing myself when I am active.  Use the oxygen at night, avoid exposure to allergens as much as possible, she also changed one inhaler.  I am supposed to be certain to get lots of rest, clearly alternating with exercise.  I just felt so dismayed, I had so hoped for a better outlook.  Sometimes, I surprise myself with how dense I am. This is ALL a result of years of smoking/self-abuse.  If only I could go back and never pick up that first cigarette or, at the very least, QUIT years and years ago, back when I was short of breath for the first time.

I am not going to stay in bed and whine about where I am, I am going to do whatever I can to remain active, even if it is little walks up and down the sidewalk.  I know I can’t do hills but I can walk short distances and at least TRY to expand my lungs…oh and the doctor recommended yoga for COPD, there are a lot of options on line.  I am not sure which one I will go with, I have never done yoga in my life but it is supposed to be good for pain, anxiety, and general wellbeing so by GOD, I will give it a chance. Before the fire, I worked out 5-6 days a week and since the fire, I have been busy but I have not been doing any regular exercise and that is absolutely imperative for my mental health as well as my physical health.  I am not going to just sit back and accept this as being my end.  I am also taking a long and somewhat painful look at my diet, which is horrible.  I am going to all of the COPD support sites and I am reading what other people do to keep active, there ARE other people who are worse off than I am, people who have a diagnosis of cancer or who are on oxygen 24/7.  I am going to stop this disease in its tracks or give it a fight for ITS life!

If you are struggling with your quit, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pay attention to this blog, please don’t smoke, it is the one thing you can do to prevent the damage from growing like the insidious monster that it is, this addiction is fatal, only you can decide to stop it in its tracks, ONLY YOU!  Take care of your quit like your life depends upon it because it DOES.  Gasping for breath is not a peaceful way to die.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me the past 491 days, I am looking forward to celebrating my 500 day anniversary…I WIN!  Oh no…not Charlie Sheen “WINNING!” Hahahahaha, I AM winning, not the COPD.


Article I received in a text

Posted by elvan May 16, 2015

Today I received a link to this article from an unlikely source, a recovering addict who is currently a smoker and who has struggled with anxiety and depression for years.  I am hoping that it will give some people encouragement:

I have been out of town and this is my first day back, it will take me a few days to recover from traveling but it was a good trip and I got to spend a little time with DJ who is just an amazing person, how wonderful to have an EX who is seriously a part of my EXtended family.

Hope everyone is doing well, love to all.