Don't faint -- I'm back again so soon. It's been a strange week, and I feel a need to be with people who care about me. And of course, I am at 1515 days quit today, so it always makes me want to blog when I have those pretty numbers.
I am struggling with some heavy emotional stuff right now -- my daughter is finding me severely lacking as a mother, and my feelings are crazy hurt, but a lot of what she says is valid. It's way too complicated to go into here, but I had the childhood from hell and never learned what being a good mother was about. I broke the cycle of violence that I suffered, but I wasn't good at protecting my children from things that have come back to haunt them in their 40's. So I'm feeling very shaky and failure-y about my parenting. I'm also making lots of mistakes at work (again) and I can't afford the medication I was taking when I was working full-time. It's so bad that the woman who is the full time secretary in the office suggested on Friday that I might want to take a supplement called "Cognition." So I'm feeling kind of failure-y there, too.
Life is hard. Smoking doesn't make it any easier and in many ways makes it way worse. And that's pretty much all I will have to say about smoking in this particular blog.
I wish I knew how to let go of this weight in my chest. It's probably inappropriate to even blog this here, but I'm feeling desperately sad.
