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Share your quitting journey

Where did I leave that crystal ball?

crazymama_Lori
3 8 137

Always around this time of year, as I'm sure a lot of you have, reflect back on the past year or even over the last couple of years and gauge how far or how back you've gone.  Resolutions were never a thing for me.  I knew I would never keep them and usually was a promise of an unattainable goal.  I look back this year the same as last year and remember the struggle I went through  back in 2015 trying so hard to quit smoking.

I read all that I could possibly read.  I was going through the steps slowly as they suggested under My Quit Plan.  I was trying so hard to cut back on smoking way back then to make it easier on myself when I finally hit the scheduled quit date of 12/31/2015.  Two more days I kept telling myself.  I was even having nightmares about the impending date.  I was seeing it as a death sentence.  That little nagging voice in the back of my head kept telling me, oh, you can wait for another year yet.  Cigarettes aren't up to $70 a carton yet.  You know you set that measure of when you were going to quit.

Oh, how I tried to talk myself out of quitting.  Took me until January 25th, 2016 to finally do it and never blogged until I had a good solid 30 days in.  Somehow in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to fail.  I actually think I set myself up for failure.  My mind was going overtime replaying the same scenario and making one excuse after another.  You see, two years ago I was just like you.  I was hopping on that gerbil wheel and spinning myself into a tizzy.  I was petrified because of all the horror stories I heard of quitting.  All I heard was it was the hardest thing I ever did, but the best decision of my life.  If I only had a crystal ball then to see what I am today, I wouldn't have put it off for so many years.

I'm happy that I dug my heels in, I stuck with it.  Instead of twirling telling myself I couldn't do this, I said I'm not going to let this control me.  I am in control.  Not a substance in a cigarette.  It's the substance, nicotine, that controlled my existence for so many years.  Cigarettes just happened to be the delivery method.  I finally separated the two and it all began to make sense.  Yes, quitting is hard, but that's what keeps me from ever going back.  It's nice not to be a slave anymore............

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About the Author
Never be afraid or embarrassed about your "smoking thoughts" while quitting, they're there to remind us how strong we truly can be. Always remember, you will always WANT to smoke, but you have to CHOOSE not to. We can't break the ties that bind us without first changing the cycle that created it.