Where did I leave that crystal ball?

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Dec 29, 2017

Always around this time of year, as I'm sure a lot of you have, reflect back on the past year or even over the last couple of years and gauge how far or how back you've gone.  Resolutions were never a thing for me.  I knew I would never keep them and usually was a promise of an unattainable goal.  I look back this year the same as last year and remember the struggle I went through  back in 2015 trying so hard to quit smoking.


I read all that I could possibly read.  I was going through the steps slowly as they suggested under My Quit Plan.  I was trying so hard to cut back on smoking way back then to make it easier on myself when I finally hit the scheduled quit date of 12/31/2015.  Two more days I kept telling myself.  I was even having nightmares about the impending date.  I was seeing it as a death sentence.  That little nagging voice in the back of my head kept telling me, oh, you can wait for another year yet.  Cigarettes aren't up to $70 a carton yet.  You know you set that measure of when you were going to quit.


Oh, how I tried to talk myself out of quitting.  Took me until January 25th, 2016 to finally do it and never blogged until I had a good solid 30 days in.  Somehow in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to fail.  I actually think I set myself up for failure.  My mind was going overtime replaying the same scenario and making one excuse after another.  You see, two years ago I was just like you.  I was hopping on that gerbil wheel and spinning myself into a tizzy.  I was petrified because of all the horror stories I heard of quitting.  All I heard was it was the hardest thing I ever did, but the best decision of my life.  If I only had a crystal ball then to see what I am today, I wouldn't have put it off for so many years.


I'm happy that I dug my heels in, I stuck with it.  Instead of twirling telling myself I couldn't do this, I said I'm not going to let this control me.  I am in control.  Not a substance in a cigarette.  It's the substance, nicotine, that controlled my existence for so many years.  Cigarettes just happened to be the delivery method.  I finally separated the two and it all began to make sense.  Yes, quitting is hard, but that's what keeps me from ever going back.  It's nice not to be a slave anymore............