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2017
crazymama_Lori

Ripples in the pond

Posted by crazymama_Lori Dec 31, 2017

Every New Years Eve, I have had a ritual here for the last 22 years of closing out my books for my business. Starting a new binder for the next year/years. One thing I've never changed is keeping hard copies of invoices from my business. I've had way too many computers crash over the years. And the one time that I'd forget to back up something is when it was certainly going to die on me. So every year, I pull out that empty binder that I'll use for the next two years, transfer over the dividers for the months, label it and put it on the shelf.

 

I just finished off my two-year binder. Will finally be printing my last invoice of the year. Printing off my year-end summaries. Filing them away. While I was opening up my storage closet and looking at past years, the pages look so different now. They're no longer yellow stained and absolutely reek when you open them up. All those years of chain smoking in my office left a mark in those books. My daughter came home after being at a neighbor's house. They both smoke in their house and she just absolutely smelled. I just looked up at my husband and said, did I smell that bad for all those years?

 

When we're smokers, we never notice those smells. We're too busy killing off those cilia hairs to really notice the fantastic smells of the world around us. I've found a great article,How Smoking Harms Your Sinuses | Everyday Health  which discusses how smoking affects your sinuses. It amazes me what those little hairs do that we were destroying every day. Take a peek at the article and see what you think.

 

So to close this out, I want to wish everyone a very happy, prosperous new year. If you're new to the site, stick close to us here. We will help you along every step of the way. Before you light up again, come here and discuss your feelings, your frustration. I know with myself, way back in the beginning, I'd start writing a blog all frustrated and chasing my own tail. And by the end of it, I was calmed down. I was seeing things differently. I've learned over time that problem was just a small ripple in the pond, getting further and further away............

 

Always around this time of year, as I'm sure a lot of you have, reflect back on the past year or even over the last couple of years and gauge how far or how back you've gone.  Resolutions were never a thing for me.  I knew I would never keep them and usually was a promise of an unattainable goal.  I look back this year the same as last year and remember the struggle I went through  back in 2015 trying so hard to quit smoking.

 

I read all that I could possibly read.  I was going through the steps slowly as they suggested under My Quit Plan.  I was trying so hard to cut back on smoking way back then to make it easier on myself when I finally hit the scheduled quit date of 12/31/2015.  Two more days I kept telling myself.  I was even having nightmares about the impending date.  I was seeing it as a death sentence.  That little nagging voice in the back of my head kept telling me, oh, you can wait for another year yet.  Cigarettes aren't up to $70 a carton yet.  You know you set that measure of when you were going to quit.

 

Oh, how I tried to talk myself out of quitting.  Took me until January 25th, 2016 to finally do it and never blogged until I had a good solid 30 days in.  Somehow in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to fail.  I actually think I set myself up for failure.  My mind was going overtime replaying the same scenario and making one excuse after another.  You see, two years ago I was just like you.  I was hopping on that gerbil wheel and spinning myself into a tizzy.  I was petrified because of all the horror stories I heard of quitting.  All I heard was it was the hardest thing I ever did, but the best decision of my life.  If I only had a crystal ball then to see what I am today, I wouldn't have put it off for so many years.

 

I'm happy that I dug my heels in, I stuck with it.  Instead of twirling telling myself I couldn't do this, I said I'm not going to let this control me.  I am in control.  Not a substance in a cigarette.  It's the substance, nicotine, that controlled my existence for so many years.  Cigarettes just happened to be the delivery method.  I finally separated the two and it all began to make sense.  Yes, quitting is hard, but that's what keeps me from ever going back.  It's nice not to be a slave anymore............