Back in 2015

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Feb 18, 2017

I joined and rejoined this site I don't know how many times starting in 2015.  I'd sign up with one e-mail address and then rejoin with another.  I'd peek in and then decided I wasn't ready yet.  Reminds me of someone on the diving board for the first time waiting to jump in.  It's there, you're at the edge, but to take the last step takes forever.


I must have researched different ways of quitting smoking for at least 3 years before actually jumping off that spring board.  I read and read and read.  I came here and read the blogs.  Read the articles.  Had absolutely no clue how to get around the site back then.  Didn't want to blog in the beginning even before I actually committed myself to quit because I didn't want to admit to failure.  Because prior to January of last year, I failed a lot.


It was like learning to drive stick all over again.  I'd start, pop the clutch and I'd die out.  I think what really made sense to me and what really got me to finally stick with it is that I went back on the Elders' blogs and went back to the very beginning of when they started.  Read what they wrote and then moved on to someone else.  Read what they wrote and move on again.  Funny how similar everyone was in the beginning.  I was so thankful that I had those to read at that time because that really gave me the glimmer of hope to continue, to stick with it.


Even at this stage, nearing 400 days in 10 days, I still go back to my older blogs.  I refer back to them to reassure myself how far I have come, to enforce the fight and strength.  I too have weak moments from time to time.  My biggest trigger has always been and will always be anger and frustration.  Every single time I went back to smoking was because of that.  Every single time.  I have learned to simply see it for what it is and just let it pass.  Let it be.  Let it go.  I've taught myself that.  I had to teach myself that because otherwise I'd be puffing away right now.  I accept that as part of my personality.  I don't see it as a fault or something I have to change.  I see it as something I have to adapt to.


I'm surprised to not see as many bloggers, discussion writers on here.  I hope you feel comfortable enough someday to write about yourself, tell us about your journey.  We have cheerleaders on here.  We have people that will give you research articles to read about either your smoking-related illness or something you're going through.  We have a whole boatload of people here that just simply want to help you, move you towards your goal.  But we can't help you if you don't speak up and speak out.  But hey, my name is Lori, I smoked for 43 years before I quit on 1/25/2016.  The longest I ever went without a cigarette before then was a whole whopping 7 days.  Every single time I failed.  So there must be something to this site that made it stick.  Let us help you find that for you.............