A badge, a token, a ying and a yang

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Dec 15, 2016

I wrote this on someone's blog this morning and it inspired me to continue. I had the ups and downs. A lot of back and forth.  It took me 195 days to finally feel normal again, but that's when I was 130 days nicotine free.  I was on the patch for 2 months.  I still have ups and downs but that's finally experiencing the reality of life without that gray smoke swirling around me.


A glimpse into my life yesterday. I receive a call from my daughter at 7:30 in the morning in tears, Mom, I was in an accident. This is her second season of winter driving. We've had a lot of snow and very cold temperatures. Hit a patch of black ice, went off the road into a 6 foot drop-off and into the ditch. Not hurt, but shaken up. That would have sent me over the edge and I'd be puffing away. Phone calls back and forth with the insurance agency, with the towing company, with the fiance. Dogs not cooperating, but that's nothing new around here. A simple shut of the door while the phone is hanging off my ear for most of the day. Get the car towed and the place that will do the body work is a total jerk. That would have sent me over the edge. The day in general would have sent me over the edge starting at 7:30 in the morning.


I have learned in these almost 11 months that life continues to tick on. The hours and minutes pass by. What happens, it has nothing to do with smoking.  Smoking will not make this situation any better. Smoking will not erase the day and put everything right on its axis. Smoking will not relax me. Now, a year ago this time, I would have thought that was the only thing in my life that would. I gave smoking this magical power, it had the magical wand to make things right again. It amazes me how a mind of an addict works. I respect this addiction and know it can return full force at any time. I have my one-size-fits-all solution. I developed one finally after about six months. I was one of those fighters. I didn't want to give this up. I was determined to make this as difficult as possible. Why, I couldn't tell you. One thing I do know, I'm not smoking and it doesn't control me any longer because I made that choice. I was the one that made it possible and so can you !!!!!