Insomnia strikes again

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Oct 4, 2016

I've always had trouble with insomnia off and on throughout my life.  But I'm just wanting some feedback here.  I come here every day to gain more and more insight into what keeps people quit, why they lose their quit, why they fight their quit to help me understand when I have times like these.

We all go through pretty much the same stages but at different times and at different levels.  The first 2 months are fighting the everyday changing our routines and breaking our patterns of when we quit.  The next 2 to 4 months are trying to understand why we are making smoking so important or discovering ways to replace that.  At 6 months some have the thought of what I like to call the test driving phase.  Where we feel comfortable enough in our quits that we think that one won't hurt.  Trust me I've thought about it, but I won't go there.

The problem I'm having now, and probably due to lack of sleep, weight gain, but I have seen it in a few members on here at around my stage, day 245 to 260, I'm at 254, where it's frustrating that the struggle is still there.  Just last night my youngest (the drama queen) was over and was frustrating me.  Or really I allowed her to frustrate me instead of using my deep breathing, removing myself, gather my thoughts, and go back to it.  Instead I just came in the house, sat down at the kitchen table and said to her fiance, you know, after 8 and a half months, you would think it would be easier.  It just seems like a constant battle.  That conversation inside my head after that lasted for a few hours with some really, really strong desires to smoke.

You know, I know that winter is coming.  I know that this is my first fall.  I didn't stop smoking until the end of January and was fighting to quit all through that two months, December and beginning of January.  I know I'm lacking in sleep.  I don't like taking naps because then I'm up all night again.  Melatonin gives me very aggressive dreams.  Benadryl only knocks me out for a few hours.  I know this is only a stage, but someone explain to me exactly why at around these many days am I struggling so hard?  It's not only me but I've seen it happen with others.  Why at days 250 to a year that you struggle?  Why?  Does anyone have a direct answer or even a resemblance of one?  I'm not looking for some cryptic, riddle response.  Has anyone really came to the answer of why or is it one of those personal things again which never gives my any answer?  Does anyone know?