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Just give it 30 days

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 31, 2016

The first 30 days are the hardest.  You will go through all kinds of emotions all coming at you at the same time.  Each week you will notice that it gets a touch easier.  Set a goal for a week.  After that week, then set another one for the next week and so on.  Tell me after 30 days what food tastes like, what that liliac tree across the street smells like, what taking a really deep breath feels like, how your skin looks like.  Please, please don't give up.  Just give it 30 days...........

that's basically what you do every time you open a pack of cigarettes.  You light $7 on fire.  In my case I burned up $14 to sometimes 17.50 a day, $67.50 to $70 every five days.  What they cost now, I have no clue.  So glad I changed my ways and so can you !!!!!!!!!



The quick fix

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 28, 2016

When we are smokers, we're looking for the fastest way to get anything done. It's either to avoid the time it takes to find a solution or just speed things along so that we can go smoke. I can remember the days of watching the clock and counting down the hours before I can smoke again. Then I started my own business and could smoke whenever I wanted to. And boy, did I take advantage of that one. I chain smoked like a freight train only because I could. I never set boundaries for myself. I think I basically just lit one up one after the other and most of them burning up in the ashtray.


Now 185 days into it, I have more patience. I can take my time and get things done. There is no rush anymore. I remember that feeling of being pushed to finish something. I remember how tired I was all the time. Those headaches that would come around daily. Going out the door to go to the store and then stopping and running back in the house because I forgot my cigarettes. Back then they had all the power you know. They started my car. They solved my problems. They held my hand. They were my superglue. They were the quick fix....... silly, isn't it?

This blog is basically written for discussion sake which I'm sure is going to spark some strong feelings, perhaps not. The topic that's been gnawing at me is NML (No Man's Land). Many moons ago, six months to be exact, I was told that was the worst time for relapses, adjustments, roller coaster emotions and the list goes on. 130 days and things will be easier. Easier was the word that I was struggling with. Now, did they mean that suddenly that whole mess of emotional garbage is done or did they mean that just the very, very hard part of it was gone? Do I get to look forward to this for the rest of my life? And now the discussion begins:


When I can't find answers to something, not vague answers, precise answers, I'm trained by my nature and profession to research and find the answers or some resemblance of one. I have found one article that was very interesting to me because it basically validated my thinking;


I think what frustrates me the most is the broad spectrum of time lines here. Again by nature, I need specificity. Perhaps that's why I was fighting this for so long. They said in 3 days the physical symptoms would be gone. Mine lasted for two and a half weeks, but I smoked for 43 years, 45 if you want to count my “test driving” phase. If you refer to the above stated article, that makes sense to me. It took me longer than most because of my years smoking. I'm looking forward to someday someone having developed a chart of start and stops to symptoms, emotional changes, brain activity to nicotine addiction.


Another interesting article that I've found is centered around alcoholism, but it does encompass addiction in general; . I think 9 months or 270 days is a realistic expectation of when your thought processes really begins to take a turnaround and not 130 days. But that's my theory. I am in no way claiming to be an expert, nor a licensed treater. I've noticed that the first 60 days are the roller coaster initially. Then I think you go in cycles for the next 210 days. I think between 130 days and 270 days is your danger period, but then again I've read of people on here that have lost their quits after 2 years or even 5 years. Is it because they haven't thought ahead to the main reasons they used smoking in the first place and then devised a plan to combat it in case it shows up again?


Someone on here told me that I haven't been through two cycles yet meaning 2 years. I haven't been through traumatic events to solidify my “no smoking” status or life choice. That may be true, but what I have done was think back on what I used smoking for and how I'm going to not make that CHOICE any longer. It's a choice now and not a need or desire. I've had quite a few things happen in my everyday life that would drive anyone back to smoking. All I did was simply take 5 minutes and think to myself, yes, I could smoke right now BUT would it change the outcome, would it somehow turn back the hands of time..... the answer was always no. I think it's the impulsivity that gets us in trouble, the looking for the quick fix.


I think once we teach ourselves to become more patient, to trust in the process, to just simply stroll, not run, down the path and see where it leads us, then we truly can be free. I'm not saying each and every one of you should have self-introspection, spend endless hours thinking back on when you started smoking, why, what it was replacing, do a psychological workup, but think about the basics. Ask yourself, what are the three main reasons why you light up? We don't do it just to smoke. We consciously go to the store, spend six bucks or more on 20 sticks and then burn them up. If I told you to take six bucks or more and set it on fire once a day, you'd tell me I'm nuts. Isn't that what you're doing?


Through my searches, here are the main ones that come up time and time again. We smoke because of: hunger, anger, tiredness, sadness, grief, personal loss, stress, anxiousness, nervousness, loneliness, boredom, frustration. We as addicts do not smoke for social acceptance any longer or a boost of self-confidence. We've matured beyond that. We started out that way but we didn't end up that way. We tell ourselves that we use smoking to calm ourselves or relax, but what is the emotion that you are trying to calm or relax from? Life is about reaction to action. We create our own stress, but does smoking improve that or take that away? I can't quit right now because I'm stressed. I have too much stress in my life right now to quit. I have too much stress right now to stay quit.


Okay. Now, answer me this one question, what can you physically do, you, yourself, to change that stress? Taking smoking out of that equation, what can you do about it? Now, do you see how taking the power away from smoking almost eliminates it altogether? Smoking is that cotter pin that stops everything from spinning. Smoking is what prevents you from emotionally growing to be the best person you can be. You will start to see it more and more as you reach the 9-month mark. The first 90 days are what I think of as the garbage in and garbage out phase. You start to notice the same feelings come around every few weeks or so, but they are decreasing in intensity. They were super strong at first like the cravings were, but I think that was more of the physical withdrawal and then nervousness, anxiousness and frustration. Then the tiredness, sadness, grief, personal loss came around and sat a spell. Then the what I call “all right with the universe” feeling pokes its head in there for a short time. It's kind of like the prelude to what this whole quit is about. Then you begin the cycle all over again. Some do and some don't. Those who don't, bless your hearts. For me, not so much. I'm on my fifth cycle and they now only last at the max 3 days; whereas when I first went through this, they lasted a few weeks.


So to make a very, very long story short, there is light at the end of tunnel. You just have to make your way through the trenches, the culverts, the overflowing tributaries, the dried up creek beds. You'll find yourself floating out to a very calm ocean with very few ripples. Trust the process, trust yourself, trust this life choice, you will get here. I can promise you that :-)


Here's a visual

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 22, 2016

Back in December, December 31, 2015, I made the decision to finally stop smoking.  My eyesight was being affected.  I was having increasing leg cramps, headaches, backaches.  Just going up steps was a chore.  All the month of December I was researching looking for the fix-all solution to make this easier.  Now looking back, I was looking for "the cure."  There has to be something somewhere that can take this nasty habit away.  There just has to be.  You see I've been trying to take the first step for the last 3 years.  Start and then stop and over and over and over.  What in the heck was I waiting for?

Back to the reason of this blog.  I have this one visual that I use every time that the addiction wants to pull me in.  I sit back and think of back in December when I was fighting with to quit or not to quit, having the stranglehold of that cigarette, keeping that one pack in my office drawer as I'm watching the clock so that an hour or two will pass and I can go outside and "have one."  And then one becomes two, oh, just one more and then I'll be done for the day, whoops, 10 have been smoked already.  I'll do better tomorrow.  I think back on that time when I was "cutting back," how I would suck in that smoke and think to myself, god that's great, as the warmth rushed over me, how could I ever give this up.  THEN I think back on the next few hours watching the clock, okay, I've only got an hour to go, give it five more minutes, you can do this.  That feeling, that panic, that clawing feeling.

Now I sit back in my chair and smile and think to myself I'm never going back there.  I've been through quite a few things here over the last six months that would have made anyone go back to smoking, but the important thing is I haven't.  I know now that it doesn't really do anything for me.  It really doesn't make anything better, easier, calmer.  The sun does come up the next day without it.  The sun really does go down without it.  Life goes on with or without a cigarette.  You see, I've given this addiction no power.  None whatsover.  It has been dethrowned..............


The more you know

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 21, 2016

I'm always on the search for new and interesting articles that have a different twist or a different outlook on the quitting process.  Here's one that I thought was interesting:

I love finding the elder's posts and some are just simply reassurance to me that I'm truly not going crazy.  This is definitely a good read for those struggling in NML



For me it's acceptance

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 14, 2016

I think I was born a fighter and will  always be a fighter, but I need to learn that this battle will never be won.  It's just simply a truce between myself and the big white tube.  I've come to the conclusion that if I deny myself something, I want it more.  I've come to the mind-set of I will always want to smoke, but I choose not to.  I am not like the other people out there who are fine with smoking a cigarette or two a day.  That's all they need.  I accept that I am not like them as I know in my heart of hearts that one leads to two leads to 20 eventually.  I acknowledge the first 30 days and how bad they were.  I accept that I'm never going back there again because I have control over this.  I, me, myself is the only one that can break this.  Not a sudden death, not a fight in the family, not boredom, all those things that I told myself that I needed that cigarette for to magically make it all better.  That's the biggest cop-out I've ever heard.  I, me, myself is in control and have the command of the ship.  Not a thing, not a memory, ME.........


Welcome back !!!!

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 13, 2016

I've seen many who have fell off the wagon many months ago returning again.  I also see many new blogs offering so much encouragement from older members who I haven't seen on here for a long time.  

Just remember whether quit for many years or just a few months, we all take each other's hands and work our way through this quit.  We all had the apprehension and the wonder of will there be life after cigarettes.  Amazingly enough, I can tell you that there is.  Most of us on here young and old in terms of our quits will tell you we all started off apprehensive, worried, in a panic on what comes next.

The first 30 days are the roughest, but then you relearn how to live life without smoking.  You change your behavior in how you deal with life's little stressors and frustrations.  Smoking never took them away except for maybe 5 or 10 minutes and then it was right back.  Life really does go on and on to the next day without that cigarette.  It holds no magic powers nor answers no questions.  It just simply makes you weak, sick and slowly kills you over time.  But you know that already.  So tell me, why do you give that little white tube so much power in your life?

I think the highlight of my day is when I log on and see how people are still remaining to fight this, to gain just one more day, to win.  I'm thrilled to see people reach the happy place, what I call the plateau.  I see this more as a mountain climb for the first year.  You start out at the bottom wondering if you can even make it up to the first level (30 days).  You keep telling yourself you can't.  Some fall off at that point and some keep going.  It's a struggle, but you're going to make it to that first level by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin.

You finally reach a plateau and all is right with the world but you know you have to climb a little farther to reach the next level (100 to 150 days).  You reach some rocks, slide down a little bit, have a few missteps, but you're still hanging in there.  By gawd I made it this far, I can make it the rest of the way.  I'm not sliding back down to the starting point.  It was way too hard getting this far or it seemed like it took forever to get there.

You finally reach another plateau and that zen moment arrives again.  You think you've got this licked.  After all it's been 150 or so days.  But there was some rains that came in somewhere along the way and caused some erosion (addict thinking).  Hmmm, let's plan ahead and use what they taught us.  Set some anchor points and forge ahead.

You see, I'm not at the top of the summit yet.  I'm looking forward to getting there, to reaching the 6 percent.  I come here on a daily basis not because I need the support.  It's because I'm looking for different insights and thoughts and reactions to certain things.  Every single day I can come here and read something that either reinforces what I'm thinking, feeling or give me a different outlook on what I might be struggling with for the day.  For all you newbies or even oldies out there, please come and visit at least on a daily basis.  Drop a little line on what is going on in your day.  Touch base with us.  You may be struggling with something that it seems no one knows how to solve or you just need a kick in the pants or a cyber hug.  Let us help you to get to where you want to go, remaining smoke free forever..........

After scrolling through some blogs this morning as I do every morning, I found a very common theme. I have a tendency to want to understand why people lose their quits and when. Probably to prevent myself from doing so, but also to understand more about addiction and how it works.


I've noticed with myself now being almost 6 months quit, that I have the fleeting thought more prevelant now more so than before about just trying a smoke. If I don't buy a pack, I won't be tempted to smoke them all. Just bum one once in a while and see how I do. I like being totally honest in these blogs for myself and for others that may feel shy about admitting to it or don't want to face the consequences. I do this mostly for myself to look back on when these crazy thoughts pop up. I know they will pop up again, because I'm getting the hang of these cycles I'm going through.


I wrote a blog a while ago about the cycles beginning all over again. For me, personally, it's becoming a very cyclical path. The first go-around with this thought of trying one was an all-encompassing crave that I had in the very beginning. I found myself driving to the gas station on autopilot to buy a pack and came home. I also would reach for my cigarette pack when I wanted to relax. It wasn't there anymore but I still reached for it. That was in days 30 to 40.


Then the next cycle of this sadness/anger/frustration/etc was when I was in my cleaning spree. I was cleaning under the sink and found a butt stuck somewhere. I subconsciously started lining them up on my utility cart I have in my kitchen just like I used to do when I ran out. I threw them away, of course, but I did just subconsciously perform the task of lining them up like I was going to smoke them. I also noticed when I was figuring out how to get my treadmill in my house that my uncooperative FedEx man so nicely left by my garage, I subconsciously reached for my phantom pack of cigarettes when I was trying to figure out how to get it in the house. I was starting to master my tools of dealing with the times I smoked the most. That was in days 60 to 90.


The cycle came back again. This time it wasn't as intense as it was the last time, but it still came around. This time it was sparked by my husband cleaning off the porch of his fishing equipment. He has the ice fishing mode, the cat fishing mode, the bass fishing mode, etc. I saw a lone butt that must have been stuck underneath a box or something. The first thought out of my mind was oh, wow, there's a couple of hits left on that. Dismissed it and went about my day. But it stuck with me for some reason. I had the fleeting thought of you've been quit for so long, just a couple puffs ain't going to kill ya.


Now, getting back to my scrolling through blogs. I've noticed that either around 75 days to 6 months, some become very comfortable in our quits. We may reach the happy place or the sad place. It's at that time when we either think we're unbeatable or beaten down. That one cigarette isn't going to make a bit of difference at this point. One thought is screw it, I can't do this anymore. Or it's oh, I'll be fine. I can control it. I just need this right now. I know of people who just occassionally smoke and they don't have a problem. Let's just try it and see what happens. Maybe I can control this.


STOP, DROP and ROLL. When this craziness enters your head, take a few seconds. Think way back on day 1 or think back on when you were “cutting back”. Now ask yourself, were you really able to hold the addiction down then and what is making you think you can hold it down now? After all this time, how can you even entertain the mere thought of it. You're dipping your toe in the crazy pool. You know as well as I do that one leads to two leads to ten and boom, you're right back to where you started. Is it even worth it for that 5 minutes? And why exactly are you thinking you need that, what are you replacing or consoling? You know you're going to go through this all over again. There is no such thing as the next time it will be easier. You know what to expect, but why are you even thinking about that expectation? If you burn your hand on a hot stove, it causes pain, blistering, why would you go and do it again?


Smoking is a habit. The nicotine in the cigarette is the drug that you're addicted to. That gray haze envelopes our emotions, good or bad, and stuffs them away. We've automatically been performing this task for years. But it can be broken, modified, replaced. It almost reminds me of a dying battery. It's very strong at first. But when it doesn't get recharged, it just dwindles away to nothing and dies out. It will flicker from time to time and even spark maybe, but it gets weaker and weaker. So hang in there, embrace these goofy cycles, pay attention to them, blog the heck out of them, they do get lighter. They are not as intense. I'm not going to say easier, because there's nothing easy about this. It becomes more manageable and shorter duration. You're going to have sparks from time to time, but they do die off..........


This one is for you

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jul 8, 2016

I always promised my parents that I would quit.  My dad quit smoking when he had his leg amputated at the VA in Milwaukee back in the '80s.  He smoked between two to three packs a day.  Swore it was the best thing he ever did.  I should really do it too.  He was around my age.  He died of bladder cancer back in 2002.  I always promised him I would quit.  

My mother always wanted me to quit ever since I started.  She quit smoking when I was small or could have been before I was born.  I'll never know because I never asked her.  I have no clue how much she smoked.  All I know is she died of lymphoma in 1994.  I was her caretaker ever since she was diagnosed in the month of June and she died in April.  I always promised her I would quit.  

I have both of their ashes in my office now and have prayed to them over the years.  Please help me get through this and I'll quit smoking.  If you can do this one thing for me, put a good word in with the big guy in the sky, I'll quit smoking and I'll never ask again.  

Well, I can proudly state to my lovely parents, this one is for you, my dears, I've finally did it..............

I'm going to be so thankful when these cycles end.  In the first 5 months it was elation, depression, sadness, anger, isolation, irritation, then calm.  Well, this time it's calm, depression, isolation, anger, irritation.  I seem to be dropping off one or two each time. Still waiting on the elation to come around again. It does help when I'm not up every hour on the hour. I just can't seem to sleep here lately. I don't like taking Benadryl constantly. I'm groggy the next day. I'm not liking that too much.


I'm getting to the point of why do I have to frickin' analyze these damn things just to get over them and then have them cycle back again.  I've had two thoughts today of screw it, buy a pack, have one or two a day and you'll be fine.  Just amazes me how that keeps knocking on my door. The only real emotion today is, I guess, boredom. Seems like everyone has something to do besides me. Having my business slow down lately hasn't helped matters. I'm used to working on things all the time. I always had a job a day every day. Now it's stretched out over several days.


Time to take inventory of my house and figure out what I've been putting off for the last god knows how many years. There's always something to clean around here. With two dogs and one cat, there's always something to get done. I don't have to sit at my kitchen table chain smoking and thinking about doing things and then they never get done. That's been a habit that seems to be reappearing again. Not the smoking part, the thinking about doing things and not doing them. That's a habit that I really, really need to work on. That only pertains to personal tasks, certainly not my working time.


The very strong urges of I have to get to the store and get a pack have shown their ugly head once again. I just have to have that one hit. My daughter stopped over and I was contemplating stealing one from her purse. Ever since yesterday when my husband was cleaning the porch and I saw a butt with a couple hits left on it, it's been haunting me. I remember all the other times when I quit after a few days searching the house for something missed while cleaning. Something dropped from the trashcan and onto the floor under the sink. I used to have a trashcan in my office for years and I'd be digging through there. Just one more hit, just one more and I'll be done. I promise this will be my last time. If you do this for me, I promise this will be the last time. I won't ever ask again. Just let me have a couple hits, drags, puffs, you get my drift.


I have people still around me that still smoke and amazingly enough they think I've changed. You're more crabbier now. You jump off the handle too soon now. You're too sensitive now. It's almost I want to scream at them, then I guess you'd prefer that I go back to smoking and drinking again because I'm more “fun.” News flash, I'm 57 years old. I'm beyond the drinking and chain smoking stage. That's not part of who I am anymore. It's not part of my life anymore. Funny how I said that exact same thing about 30 some odd years ago to drugs. You're just going to have to come to terms with it on your end because, I'm sorry, that relapse is not going to happen. You think by handling me with kid gloves in the first stages of my quit and now handling me by browbeating me into submission, you have another guess coming. I'm not sure where they are coming from in that scenario, but that's their problem to figure out on their time; not mine.


For you newbies, I bet those two last paragraphs really, really hits home right about now. That is you in the first 30 days or was you in the last 30 days. It's amazing the bargaining that goes on. But a very interesting thing is you're experiencing a death, a breakup. You experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance which are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. And you know what, you did lose your best friend. Believe it or not that little white tube cried with us at night, laughed with us, danced with us, kept us company, told us everything was okay. We keep fighting it and fighting it until we finally learn to accept that that part of our life is gone. It's dead. It's not part of who we are anymore. Take a deep breath and shove that smoke boat to shore and wave it goodbye.


I'm one of those people that when I start something, I'll keep at it until it's finished. My job is one that has to do with a time limit. Each job takes 3 to 8 hours. I have a certain amount of time (days) that I have to get it done in. I have to manage my time because I have these jobs come in at all times (well, used to anyway). I am a master of management of small increments of time. Over the 20 or so years, I'm in control constantly of when things get placed in certain time slots to complete the job.


Now, this whole quit, I've had that same mind-set. I was scrambling to find a precise time slot to put this in. This takes so many days. I only have this many days to go before I move on to the next stage. I have only three more days until this passes. It isn't that way. And I actually believe that's why some people lose their quits because there is such a vague time line. Nothing precise as each person is different and goes through the stages at different times and some skip stages and go on to the next. I can't seem to take my time, spread it out, and parse it into smaller pieces and eventually get it done. It will get done, just not right away. I think that's the problem that I'm having as of late and during the course of this quit. Take each section at a time and just have the patience to wait it out. I know it will pass. I know it's just a stage in my recovery, my renewal, my healing. I think I'm finally getting that. Now that I'm into my second cycle (that just helps me view this better), I know this time I just have to ride it out and WAIT until it passes. And it does pass. It seems that each cycle is getting less and less timewise and I do seem to drop off one stage each time. But all good things come to those that wait.


The first cycle was intense. The elation was after the first 30 days was over and that lasted for about three weeks. The anger for me lasted for about a week right after my elation phase. I was screaming at those poor dogs if they looked at me a certain way. They survived and I worked my way through it. Then set in the sadness/depression. Again that lasted for another three weeks. Then came the isolation/irritation. That kind of waxed and waned here for the last five months. I've dropped off the anger. I must have came to terms with that and just learned to remove myself from the situation and calm myself down and return to it again. The main emotion that sticks with me is the isolation and irritation. I must have used smoking for those two mainly because I can't seem to shake those. I've avoided quite a few situations where I was irritated beyond belief and just simply grabbed a stick of gum and chewed my way throught it until it passed. I look forward to that feeling when it passes. It's such a relief. We'll see what I come up with in this next cycle. The first one was every 30 days. I've noticed that they resurface now every 45 days. Blogging really helps me to understand where I'm at because now I'm beginning to see a pattern. Now, four to five days later, I'm back to calm. This has been quite the adventure, that's for sure. Maybe being a micromanager has helped in this process, huh?


Oh, I'm sure when you first started reading this you were thinking, oh, no, she relapsed. She went back to the dark side. Well, I didn't. I just wanted to reassure those that are faltering, wavering, teeter-tottering to know that strength grows in numbers. If you don't have the support at home, you have support here. You scream help, or type these crazy blogs and work yourself through a thought, a moment, a panic, confusion, a WTH place, you come here. Open your tablet, your computer, your word processing program like I did over the past few days. Type out your feelings, your thoughts. Throw out that lifeline. Save the blog and read it over later in the day or the next day.


You know no one on this site, but everyone wants to help you. BUT they can't help you if you don't let them know WHAT to help you with. You may not even know what it is. But by expressing it in words to this public forum where no one is judging you in the least bit, you're giving someone like myself or thousands of others to help you see what you're going through or hold your hand while you're going through a really, really rough patch. I sat on this computer all day one day helping someone through a really, really rough day. I don't know her. Never met her. Probably never will, but she needed someone. I became that someone. You have to let these people become your someone.


You may think, oh, they don't care, this sounds stupid, I'm not going to bother. Try it sometime. I think you'll be shocked how many responses you'll get and how many similarities you'll see and how many reassurances that this is just part of it. Something you have to find your way through, but we'll be there with you. Some have a fleeting thought of I've whined too much, I'm complaining too much, why even bother. I've noticed that a lot of the failed quits I've seen is by people who do not become engaged, who do not participate, who do not just type out the words THIS IS TOO HARD and then just hit publish. If that's what it takes to get started, then by all means do it. All these responses will come filtering in. Encouraging you, cheering for you, telling you it's all normal, but hang in there. Try the next day but then expand on it or just start a blog of your own on your computer/tablet/phone. But publish the darn thing after you're done, share what you are going through. It's going to help you and also help others behind you and also ahead of you. This is a support group. We can't support you if you don't share, even if it's those four words.


You'll see how this writing has evolved from frustration to revelation. This thing they call addiction, it's a tricky soul, a sneaky little monkey. Always remember that you have the tools, you have the strength, you have the control. You are in the driver's seat. You can have smooth sailing and enjoy the sights or you can crash and burn. Always remember YOU ARE IN CONTROL !!!!!!!!!!  

Many have a long weekend ahead of them.  Being self-employed I don't have weekends.  I am at the beck and call of others.  I could say no, but then I lose business.  I'm okay with that.  I've been doing this for over 20 years.


Holidays are the times when people lose their quit.  It's either an emotional time for them or just a reminder of a gathering where they just smoked and drank all day.  Fourth of July was never a big thing for me now that my children are grown and they have their families and other things to do.  It was just basically every other year going over to the in-laws' house and start drinking at 9:00 a.m. until whenever.  Considering the drunk driving laws now, I wouldn't even think about doing that.  So everybody be conscious and responsible this weekend.


I've tried writing blogs for the last 4 days and have deleted them every time.  I'm in my funk stage again.  It's not a sadness.  it's not anxiety.  It's just leave me alone.  I simply don't want to deal with you today.  Think instead of sitting on the couch mindlessly watching goofy shows on TV, like Dr. Phil and the Housewives of wherever they are this week, I think I'll do some work in the backyard.  Get some physical activity in and kick back and enjoy the sunshine and the day.  Have an attitude adjustment !!!