I'm writing this in hopes that those that are struggling, bouncing back and forth on that line of sticking with it or throwing it in.
I'm tired of being the strong one all the time. I want to throw my cares away and just give in.
I'm tired of denying myself every day. Why can't I be like the other people and just have one once in a while.
I'm tired of these damn mood swings. When I smoked, I was fine. I never was depressed over anything.
I'm tired of feeling so tense all the time. I feel like I'm wound up constantly. Why can't I seem to relax.
I'm tired of not sleeping. Waking up every hour on the hour. I'm tired of being tired.
Now, does any of that ring a bell with any of you? Every single of those have went through my head for the past week. What has kept me from not giving in?
It's so nice not to have to worry about where is the money going to come from to buy those smokes. Boy, have those gone up in price in 5 months.
It's so nice not to hear myself say, boy, I wish I could quit smoking. I'd feel so much better.
It's so nice not to have Charlie horses in the middle of the night.
It's so nice not to wake up coughing for no reason and hear myself wheeze myself to sleep.
It's so nice not to have intense cravings that could bring you to your knees anymore. They come once in a while but it's only because you're experiencing something from the past that you haven't done not smoking through it.
It's so nice not to feel the panic of knowing there's no cigarettes or a working lighter or thinking OMG how could I ever imagine not smoking ever again. Funny how it seems like such a silly thought now.
It's so nice not to wake up to extremely stiff joints and being unable to stand up straight until I stretched my back out.
It's so nice to feel the urge to just give in and then wait it out and feel the calm rush over when you deny that thought access.
As you see there's many more “it's so nice” than there is “I'm tired.” You know, there's times hither and yon where I think, why am I really bothering with this anyway? What is the point? But then I stop myself and think, then exactly why would you even think of going back? You're just going to have to go through this all over again. I keep thinking maybe I'll just get the gum. The mood swings will go away then. I never had those before when I was on the patch. Well, read this and tell me what you think now https://www.ucanquit2.org/HowToQuit/ResourceLibrary/HealthandFitness/EffectsNicotine.aspx?p=1
My addictive thoughts dredge up some interesting information, doesn't it? I'll be okay, you'll be okay, everyone will be okay. Deep breathe, get up and stretch, take a hot/cold shower, go buy yourself some flowers, burn your favorite incense, listen to your favorite songs, drive to your favorite scenic route, sit outside and enjoy the day. Think of all the blessings you have and all the blessings to come. We're here. We all have bad days. We all have some pretty awesome days too. You hang in there, sunshine, I gotcha...............
