Boy, is this road ever hilly

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Jun 15, 2016

There are certain roads where I live that have massive inclines and declines. You go up anticipating that a deer or a car will be suddenly coming out at the top and you feel the release as you're going down. My ride with this quit has been exactly that from day 109 to 142 (present).


When I first started back in January, that's all I ever thought about. I have to have a cigarette. I just need one and then I'll be fine. That's all I thought about for the first 30 days, that little white stick.


The next 30 days was the realization of this tastes great, this smells great, I feel great. I was light on my feet. Now, keep in mind I was still using the patch. I was still receiving nicotine.


The next 30 days was when I was weaning off the nicotine, that's when the emotional problems developed. The anger, the sadness, the frustration, the isolation, the loneliness. Hmmmm, all of those were my reasons for smoking. Well, they were back and they were back twofold.


The next 30 days was trying to self-analyze myself. There's got to be a reason why this is not subsiding or letting go. Then I started thinking back on when I started smoking and what it was replacing. I must admit that I have still isolated myself. I have good days where I can be around people and enjoy my time with them and there are other days where I want no one around me and the doom and gloom just stick around. I have absolutely no desire to smoke a cigarette. Absolutely none. They actually smell awful to me. The vision of me lighting up and inhaling doesn't even enter my mind.


Could it be the lack of sleep? I've been having some really disturbing dreams as of late. Is it my subconscious trying to work out personal conflicts I'm having? Or is it this addiction that's pulling me in? I've had fleeting thoughts of maybe I'll just buy some nicotine gum or the lowest patch and slap that on. I never had any of this emotional garbage when I was on that. That was yesterday's thinking. That was the addict thinking yesterday. This morning I got up and needed to find some validation for this craziness. I ran across an interesting article and thought to myself, well, okay, you'll feel better but you'll have to eventually come off of this. It's a drug, you're addicted to it and it causes health effects. You will just have to go through this all over again.


So I guess the bottom line for those of you out there that are having a rough patch, that are struggling, that are on that ledge, always remember that if you stick to this, if you really commit yourself, the need for a cigarette will go away. The thoughts of smoking will go away. Do some reflection. See this as an addiction all rolled up in a little white stick.


I'd like to know from the elders how long this crazy emotional roller coaster lasts. I've read in some articles that it can hang on for 6 months. I'm not talking about the craves. I can deal with those. Those don't bother me. It's just this overwhelming sadness that comes over me for about 10 to 15 minutes and then just disappears. If it was lasting or hanging on for weeks at a time all day every day, then I'd be going to the doctor and getting some meds. I was just wondering if anyone out there has had this craziness happen to them and how long it lasted for them. Any guidance would be appreciated.