I had a visit from my daughter's ex boyfriend last night and the father to my grandchildren. He has had a very difficult life, spending time in prison, family alienation, alcoholic/drug addict father, narcissistic mother, a whole hot mess all rolled up in one. He went through rehab three times for a heroin addiction. Was arrested on Christmas eve for a DUI due to being high on heroin. Spent 5 months in jail. Is no longer living with my daughter and is now living in a rooming house. I'm still trying to get him to see a counselor. He's never going to make it if he doesn't.
As we were talking, me listening as he was sobbing because of everything he lost due to this addiction, I thought to myself how similar we are in using whatever drug of choice it is to replace something in our lives. I always used alcohol to make me happy, to have fun as I did drugs a long, long time ago. It was never to replace negative feelings or bad feelings. I used smoking for that. That realization didn't really come to me until about a month or so ago. Before then, I was dealing with the depression, anger, frustration of not smoking. I didn't have the loneliness because I was so focused on the other three. Hmmmmm, sound familiar to anyone?
Now that I'm through NML (No Man's Land, acronyms drove me crazy when I first came to this site), it's interesting to see how addiction brings up all these emotions two-fold during the withdrawal and the transition to everyday living just to bring you back in to either using, drinking or smoking. I believe it's very important to have your toolbox, things you use to replace those negative responses. If you haven't created one as of yet, then you better get your thinking cap on and think about when someone angers me, I will ......... months ago, my answer would first thing be SMOKING. Now, I've replaced that answer with something else. Think about the main reasons why you smoke. We just don't smoke just because it's there.
I think when we were children we smoked because we wanted acceptance or just to be at the cool kids' table. I think as adults we use it as a calming device, stress reliever, anger management. Funny thing is we are fooled by that philosophy because it only gives that to us for a whole whopping 5 to 10 minutes and poof it's right back again. So really what is that little white stick doing for us anyhow? For those of you on the fence or struggling during your quit, keeping your quit, starting your quit, think long and hard before and during this journey about the reasons why you smoke. Think about the negative reasons why you light up. We can all talk ourselves into thinking that we enjoy it, I like the taste, I like the way it smells. But really, is that the true reason why you smoke and spend hundreds of dollars every month and do damage to yourself because you enjoy it? Think again and think realistically..........
