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Share your quitting journey

Have a blessed holiday weekend

crazymama_Lori
0 9 20

Heading up nort to our property for the weekend.  This will be the first time I've been there as a nonsmoker and hoping to see my sister while I'm there.  This will be the first time ever she's seen me as a nonsmoker since we were children.  We live quite a few hours apart.  I've been toying with the idea of not going.  Making up excuses for not going.  But then, bam, it's not going to magically make you smoke again.  it's not going to make you want to smoke again.  Even though I'm over 4 months quit, I still have the apprehension.  Funny how that still sticks around.  Memories will need to be written, but won't be if you don't start writing them.

 

This addiction like alcohol is a tricky one because it's legal.  We can go anywhere and buy it.  It's not like drugs where you have to know someone or know of someone to hook you up.  I've done the dance in my younger years with drugs.  It just got to be too much of a hassle.  So I quit it.  I think the only reason I gave up drinking is because I knew it would make me want to smoke.  Those always went hand in hand with me.  I think over the years I've teetered on the edge of alcoholism.  But I was always able to pull back when it got to be too much.  Kind of like a crashing plane.  I got just so low and pulled it back to the right altitude.  I've never figured out what it was that drew me to drugs or alcohol.  I was certainly never an introvert.  I never used those two things to bolster any of that.  It wasn't the acceptance.  I marched to the beat of my own drum.  What was it replacing?  No clue but that's for another day.

 

Smoking replaced my anger, my frustration, my loneliness, my sadness.  I never really smoked much when I was really, really happy about something.  I used smoking for replacing my negative feelings.  Instead of acknowledging my negative feelings, rationalizing them, dealing with them, I used that hit of dopamine to make it all better.  It was the perpetual Band-Aid to all that was bad in my life.  It made the owwy (sp) better.  At this point, I've balooned a good 25 pounds.  Diet and exercise will take care of that.  And that's basically the only downside that I can really think of that's come of all this.  I've learned quite a bit about myself, only because I forced myself to take that 5 minutes to think about why, why am I wanting this cigarette so badly.  What are you wanting to make all better by smoking that you can't do yourself?  Why are you giving that one single stick of paper and tobacco such power?  It's not a person.  It has no influence over your decisions.  It certainly does not give you any kind of life sustaining qualities.  You know what it was replacing.  Well, ya know what, after this amount of time, I've got my battle scars I'm sure.  But I've ripped that Band-Aid off and letting those sores heal finally..............

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About the Author
Never be afraid or embarrassed about your "smoking thoughts" while quitting, they're there to remind us how strong we truly can be. Always remember, you will always WANT to smoke, but you have to CHOOSE not to. We can't break the ties that bind us without first changing the cycle that created it.