The important thing is that you never give up

[crazymama_Lori]

I've tried to quit smoking ever since the 1990's, never lasted more than 2 days.  Back in 2008, I was having a hard time breathing going up steps.  Went to a Brewers game and could barely make it up the steps.  Probably need to cut back my smoking.  Bought I don't know how many different types of e-cigarettes.  Tasted like I was smoking Iodine.  I liked the taste of a cigarette.  Always did.  Could not find any smoke juice that even came close to that.  Threw those things away.  The biggest selling point of e-cigs was that you could use those to quit smoking.  I coughed up more crud from those things than I ever did when I was smoking cigarettes.  I think I invested hundreds of dollars in those back in 2010 when the smoking ban went into effect.  

Back in 2011, decided I was going to start rolling my own since it was getting so expensive.  Quitting never even entered my mind.  If I keep it at a pack a day, I'll be fine.  How I ever smoked pipe tobacco for almost a year is beyond me.  that smoke was so darn heavy, but that didn't stop me.  Heck no.  Now, mind you, never once was nicotine addiction brought up from 1973 to 2011.  I was always kick the habit.   Psh, a habit, not a problem.  I can quit anytime I want to.  Just having a little shortness of breath here.  

2012, I went to the doctor and asked for help to quit smoking.  Wanted to put me on Chantix.  Didn't like the side effects.  Prescribed Wellbutrin.  Felt like a Zombie.  Went off of it and smoking kicked back to a pack and a half a day.  Good Lord, if I was drinking, well, 2 to 3 packs easily.  

Back in October of 2013, I tried to quit.  That was my "I'll just cut down and then I'll be fine."  Well, that lasted for a whole whopping 3 days.  Right back to it and even more.  Up to 2 packs a day.  Came to this site, but just glanced over it.  Didn't give it a second thought.  Kept coming back, naw, not yet.  

No more than a year later to the day - and I know this because I posted it on Facebook - I made the announcement that I was quitting smoking by cutting down.  Goodness, didn't I learn the last time that that didn't work.  Well, I guess not.  That lasted for 5 days that time.  I did actually track my cigarettes for 2 days.  Still regret not using this site like I was supposed to. There's a reason why they make you go through these steps, ya know.

Again October of 2015 - I must have a thing about October - wait for it...... I tried quitting once again trying to cut down.  I guess I need a hammer to the head by now.  IT DOESN'T WORK.  I'd buy a pack, ration my cigarettes and when that was done, I wouldn't smoke anymore.  That whole routine lasted 4 days.  

December 31, 2015, I am quitting smoking. That's it. I've had enough.  Cold turkey.  I'm going to do this.  I've never done cold turkey.  They say it only takes 3 days for the nicotine to get out of your system and you'll be okay.  Just make it to the third day.  Again coming to this site.  Doing absolutely no reading, minimal tracking of cigarettes.  Got to 5 days and I'm back smoking 1 to 2 cigarettes a day.  Soon to bump up to 3 to 4 a day.  Then reaching 8 a day.  What is going on?

THEN I started coming to this site.  I've never read so much in my life.  Going to other sites, some good.  some bad.  Some just basically had a scientist quacking about much of nothing and giving me no information.  Then I stumbled on the word "nicotine addiction."  What?  I've never heard that before.  hmmm, let's research that and see what it's all about.  That whole self discovery when on for 3 weeks.  Knowing that cold turkey was not working for me because I was having intense craves every 5 to 10 minutes, I'm trying the nicotine patch.  Now, mind you back in 2007, I bought a whole boatload of habitrol.  Never used a single one and decided to sell them instead on eBay.  My god, those things were gone in a few days.  People just scrambling to buy those things because they were almost out.  Nicotine addiction wasn't spoken of back then.  At least I never heard of it.  It was just used to keep you off of cigarettes.

I started the nicotine patches on January 25, 2016.  They took the edge off.  I remember reading the package and they said to be on the step 1 for 6 weeks, step 2 for 2 weeks and step 3 for 2 weeks.  My god, it's supposed to last that long, OMG.  I stayed on the first step for a month and tried to step down and didn't work.  So wore it for a week longer and stepped down to the next one for 3 weeks and then went completely off on March 20th.  Every time I stepped down, I had about 4 days of adjustment.  Now, when I was on the patch, I had no emotional problems whatsoever.  Two weeks after, I was crying like a baby over anything and everything.  That went on for the entire month of April.  I was so sensitive and emotional over any little thing.  I obsessed about anything and everything.  I had no concentration.  I was sleeping all the time.  I'm not liking this at all.  I came to this site sometimes six times a day reading, reading, reading.  Blogging, blogging, blogging.  We're up and then we're down.  Go back and read those crazy things, you'll see yourself in them as you will reading some of the other's blogs.  Go back and read some of the older member's blogs when they first joined the site.  they said the exact same thing you did.  

They always told me it's a process.  They always told me it gets better.  They always told me everything I'm going through is normal.  I'm not crazy.  I'm not being a babbling idiot.  I never gave up.  I was determined.  I've made it through the darkness.  I still have a heck of a way to go.  But if you have to try to quit at least a zillion times, so be it.  Learn from each quit attempt.  You're not giving up and that's the main thing.