Happy 3-month birthday to me. Boy, this has been a ride. Of all times of this rollercoaster do I have a dream of smoking and wake up wanting one in the worst way. Key word WANTING, not needing. I've learned the difference now.
The first month was needing because I was gradually depleting the nicotine out of my body while I was creating my arsenal. I knew my head addiction was far worse than my physical addiction. The next three weeks after that was stocking up my pantry for this life-long fight ahead me while still emptying the nicotine.
I've learned a lot about myself over these past 3 months and have more to go. I know I'm still weak and that's probably why I still keep myself cooped up in my house. I am venturing out in social settings but find myself being drawn back in. Need to work on that and reflect on why. I so desperately don't want to lose this quit as I've seen so many do over the past 3 months.
I am seeing my happy self return finally after that awful black cloud that was hovering over me for the last month or so. I only have about one time a day of complete mental breakdown and then it passes. I'm sure it's all part of the process or am I simply going mad? Well, I know one thing, I'm not smoking over it.