I've been really saddened to see a few of the members that started with me fall of the wagon, but I do understand how it can happen. They were in the NML as I am. I'm at the point of no one even asks me how many days it's been or no one cares how I'm doing or even if I'm smoking or not. That whine with my cheese scenario, gesh..........In my case, that addict is sure working overtime over these past few weeks. Been dealing with some really cruddy personal issues that would have put me over the top. I would have been chain smoking and drinking myself silly nonstop. Both drinking and smoking always went hand in hand. They were the best friends skipping down the street. that's figuratively. I'd probably break a hip if I was skipping at this point. It would have been so easy to just say screw it, buy a pack, you'll be better. Then you don't have to deal with this. Okay, Ms. Addict. So whatcha gonna do tomorrow? Does that little stick that really does taste awful, makes your eyes and throat burn really make it all better for that split second or for that five minutes? Yes, it does. Okay. So then what?
That cycle keeps going and going and going. When is it ever going to stop? When are you going to learn to sit back and say to yourself, okay, what about this situation can I physically change? If you can physically change it, then change it. If you can't and it's beyond your control, or you reach out to the person and they just completely shut you down, then step back. Let that dust settle. Then look at it clearly. Even if you have to walk around your house like a damn crazy person having a conversation out loud to yourself and answering yourself, so be it. You're going to figure out what's the garbage, what's that baggage that you're hanging on to that's allowing you to want that crutch. You don't need that crutch. Needing is substanance, something for survival. You don't need cigarettes for survival. You just want them to cover up the problem. That's the garbage in. Saying I don't do that anymore, that's the garbage out. Scream into that pillow when the stress hits. plug in those earphones and go for a walk. Do whatever it takes, but keep saying I don't do that anymore, NOPE.
Lori
Lori quit 1/27/16
