Spread those wings

Blog Post created by crazymama_Lori on Mar 25, 2016

It's funny how in the first month you avoid everything.  You don't go get gas.  You only go to stores that don't have the cigarettes staring at you.  You avoid any places where they have smoking, which is getting smaller and smaller.  You walk out of the room when there's any mention of smoking by anyone or anything, TV, radio.  You find yourself manically doing things around the house, work, whatever.  That first couple weeks you stare at the cigarette counter like a donut to a fat kid (can relate because I was a fat kid)


Then the sugar fix hits.  Of course now I realize that it's just my junkie looking for another way to get my pleasure fix.  I have sat here and literally ate an entire box of cookies in a day.  My doctor gave me an anology a while back that most smokers are pleasure junkies.  They trick themselves into believing that they enjoy smoking.  I've said it as I'm sure you did.  I ENJOY SMOKING.  I can't even imagine myself not smoking.  What would I do if I didn't smoke, couldn't imagine.  Heard the commercials, seen the ads, heard the speeches, Smoking is bad for you, blah, blah, blah.  When you're a smoker, that's all white noise, just a crackle in the telephone line.  I'll do it someday.


A close friend of mine called the other day and said, I'd come visit but you don't smoke anymore.  I was surprised by the comment.  I knew my drinking buddies would disappear.  That didn't bother me one bit.  I knew the alcohol had to go.  That was my biggest trigger on earth.  I'm that hippy biker grandma, party, party, party.  So that part of my life left the tracks quite a few months before I seriously gave this whole no smoking thing a try.  Back then it was just that.  So back to the point...... I told my friend that she can visit here any time she wanted, it's just that we don't smoke in the house anymore.  You can smoke in front of me.  Seriously, it doesn't bother me.  Took me 40 days to say it, but IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.  Of course the first 30 days, I would have told her to stay away.  I remember my step daughter quitting a few years ago and she never wanted to come to visit because we all smoked.  I thought that was ridiculous... now I understand.


We alll remember our old significant others back in high school or in our early years.  When either he broke up with us or we them, we obsessed about them, close to stalking them, but that memory died out.  Sometimes it will come back with a whiff of a scent or a song on the radio and then we either smile or shake our head (depending on good or bad).  It's a memory.  If you stick with this, it too will be a memory.  When you're strong enough, spread those wings and get out there again.  Ride the waves, embrace the storm, bask in the sunlight.  Happy Easter to you and your precious familes, my friends ;-)