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crazymama_Lori Blog

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my husband was just diagnosed with colon cancer.  Today he goes for his CT to find out if it spread to his lymph nodes or not.  He will have a partial colectomy.  I'm just reaching out for some prayers and well wishes for him, please, to help us through these trying times...........

Will it always be in the back of your mind to constantly think of smoking? Will these thoughts seem to disappear as quickly as they came? Will they hit you like a ton of bricks one day out of the clear blue? When will you never think of smoking again? All these questions can be answered on your own, because you made your life story when you began smoking.


I know in my case I had to devise a plan beforehand, a map, so to speak, on how I was going to go about quitting. I gathered as much information as I could beforehand even before I came to this site. I took a peek at other quit smoking sites. Some wouldn't let you join unless you went cold turkey and others were just gimmicks to purchase their latest and greatest answer to quitting. I stuck around this site because it dealt with smokers helping other smokers. Of course, it being free was just another added perk.


Being encouraged to journal and keep tabs on my progress in my case was essential. Going back in the pages of others' journal entries helped a great deal because I saw myself in most of what I was reading. Again I stuck around because I needed to help others that came behind me. There was a few hiccups along the way. Some misinterpretations of words and actions, but it was always a learning experience. How all of our moods ebbed and flowed and emptied into the larger pool of members.


Do I think having a few puffs is going to have you back to where you started? I think in your first year or two, it most certainly might. You're still creating new memories of your nonsmoking life replacing those of your smoking memories. There will be many more after a few years that will pop up, but they will be less powerful and more distant than they were when you first quit. Throughout your quitting process, you have developed new coping strategies rather than reaching for that cigarette.


If you are just starting out, fill out the section of tracking your cigarettes,  Track Your Tobacco and Identify Your Triggers | BecomeAnEX  and see your most prevalent times of lighting up. Start understanding this habit you have acquired and the whys and whens. We all have different theories, different philosophies, different opinions of what is the correct way to quit. We all have the same goal in mind, helping you quit and keeping you that way. Helping you see the monkey for what it is and keeping it away for good. Follow the steps, ask for help, search for answers to your questions by using the magnifying glass. Quitting can be done. You just have to understand it and want to stick with it.

In 1970 I took my first puff of a cigarette. I distinctly remember being with a friend at an older kid's house and she offered a puff of a Kool cigarette. Made me dizzy as heck, but it made me look cool. An introvert trying to fit in. Well, gee, that was the ticket. Then came the army jacket, POW bracelets, Nixon and high school. Back then, I was only an occasional smoker.


Then alcohol came a knocking and what went better than a beer and a smoke. Back then it was legal to drink at 18 and I took advantage of it. It only took about 6 years to become a full-time, full-fledged smoker. I was already up to a pack a day. If I went out drinking that night, that was 2 packs. That went on for the next 30-odd years. I never had a substantial quit really only because I kept drinking and found no need to quit.


Back in the late '70s and '80s, smoking was only seen as a habit. Something that can be kicked. It's only smoking cigarettes. Sure, they had those warnings on the packs, birth defects, health risks, lung cancer. It wasn't until 1999 that messages started to appear that smoking was addictive. What, addictive? What in the world are they talking about, addictive? I remember reading those warning labels and just thought, yeah, yeah, I'll quit some day.


Then the prices started to soar. I remember back when I could forge a note from mom for the corner store and buy a pack for a quarter. When I turned 16, I just had to flash either an ID or a license to get a pack. I remember when cigarette machines were in bars and you had to plunk all those quarters in to buy a pack. The last time I bought a pack out of those machines it was $5.00 a pack. Those machines are banned where I live. I have no clue what cigarettes cost now. The last carton I bought was $63.00. I was going through at least a carton and a half before I quit pack in 2016.


Reflecting back as I always do near my anniversary date, my main advice to people is to follow the steps on this site to quit. Track your cigarettes before you quit to understand when and why and really how often you need to light up. I know in my instance, I was a chain smoker. I lit up one after the other. When I had to stop and log into the site every time I lit one up, I had to think for those few minutes about what time is it, why do I feel a need to light up, what's triggering this, maybe I can wait for another 5, 10, 15 minutes longer.


Then I moved on to the next step of what do I plan to do instead of lighting up, what am I going to replace a flick of my Bic with. When you get to the point where you're cutting down, you will end up with only a few times a day where you're really, really craving, wanting to smoke. Those will be your biggest obstacles, but they can be overcome. Find something to do instead of lighting up. Throw a piece of gum in your mouth when you have a morning ritual that you're struggling to overcome. Find something else to conquer your afternoon routine. And then finally the last one, try maybe meditation for your evening craving.


My last little tidbit of advice for quitters is quit drinking for 6 months. Quit doing any kind of recreational drugs or alcohol for that period. Don't allow yourself the permission to give in once a week or once a month. Trust me, that quit will disappear in a heartbeat. Why? Because your inhibitions and decision-making ability is clouded. You're more impulsive during those times. I was a heavy drinker before I quit. I made a date to quit on 12/31/2015. I was having a “bad” day on 1/23/2016 and drank and smoked a pack of cigarettes. 23 days down the toilet. 1/25/2016, I jumped right back on and never looked back.


I always said I would never quit. I always said I could quit whenever I wanted to. I always said quitting can't be that hard. I'm telling you it's not easy, but it can be done. Commit yourself, stick to your plan, read blogs under Newbie Quitters, Relapse Prevention, General Quitting Support. Write your blogs, profess your truths, ask for help. But never, ever, ever give up. Get prepared, gain your knowledge, and slay this dragon called nicotine...........

Who would have thunk this would have happened............


Well, today is my 3-year anniversary from smoking. Do I miss it? Not one bit. I know it doesn't solve my problems nor give me any comfort anymore. It didn't help me mend my relationship with my daughter. It didn't console me when my brother-in-law died. It didn't calm me during tubulent times with my husband. Helping my youngest through a bad breakup. Watching my son-in-law fall into the trap of heroin addiction. And gee that was just this past year and a half. If I would have lit up, smoked for those five to ten minutes, what was that going to solve? A big fat nada.


If you are new here, stick with the community. No matter if someone rubs you the wrong way or you don't appreciate their comments or what they've said or didn't say on your blog. I've had a few of my problems here also, but it didn't stop me from posting blogs or helping others. There's over 20,000 plus people here. Only a handful are dedicated posters/commentors, but know that your feelings are heard. Your blogs are being read by many people on the site. They may feel shy about posting or commenting or are just private people. Nothing wrong with that.


I've had many people comment on things that I've posted here from years ago as I'm sure other members have also. That's proof that all of our blogs are a help to someone down the line. They might not comment on it right at that moment, but that doesn't mean it isn't impacting someone. That's why this site can be so helpful. It's all about former smokers helping people who want to quit and stay quit. We can go through some pretty strange mood fluctuations during that first 6 months or so. I know I did, but I chalked it up to some brain chemistry that was being rearranged.


Look up what you're feeling on the search feature. I'll bet that you'll find many articles pertaining to what you were wondering about. Funny how all of us went through the same thing, but perhaps at a different stage in our quit process. You started smoking as a “recreational” type thing. Before too long, you noticed those strong nagging feelings and the immediate urge to light up. Think of how many years you did the same thing over and over again. You lit up after eating, after sex, after accomplishing something, just to relax, to stifle anger, to comfort ourselves when feeling sad or lonely. Years and years we smoked our way through without even giving it one thought.


As you walk through the quitting process, after the initial physical symptoms subside, you'll notice every once in a while smoking thoughts start popping up all over again, stay for a short while and then disappear again. I like to call them mood swings. They just sometimes have to do with a season change or a memory of some sour event. We all have them at one point or another. Some people call them cravings or urges of smoking. I like to think of them as my points in life where I was learning a life lesson and leave it as that.


I made it a big point at around 6 months to take note of when those most profound thoughts showed up, what exactly was going on in my life that made me want to for a fleeting moment return to smoking. That's all you have to do, is take those few seconds to simply stop yourself and think why. Right there, you are breaking the cycle. When we smoked, we instantly grabbed for that pack and lit up sometimes without even a thought. Impulsive little buggers we are.


Take those few seconds during your first year and even beyond to get acquainted with yourself. We've often used smoking to hide feeling self-conscious, lonely, angry, sad. Now we don't need to stifle those feelings with that swirl of smoke. Funny how we thought it could cure the dark side of life, when in reality it created it. Celebrate who you are and what you will become. If you stumble, never feel ashamed to ask for help. Go to Relapse Prevention and read the stories there. Use the Groups tab on here and take a look at what other people have written in all of those group headings listed. Reach out to members on the site via the inbox feature if you don't want to post something.



Knowledge is the key to quitting. You have an abundance of it on this site. Absorb as much as you can. Stick with it, commit to it. Don't put too many expectations on yourself. Take one day at a time. Wake up every morning and simply say to yourself, I'm not going to smoke today. Slow down and trust the process. Know that what you're going through is perfectly normal and it too shall pass. Tell yourself every morning how great you are and how great it is to be smoke free. I smoked for 43 years without any significant breaks in between. I'm very excited to say I've been quit for 3 years and many more years to come. Hang in there. Take each rising sun one at a time and be proud every setting sun that it's another day won !!!!

This is my theory about this whole quitting thang. We were young, perhaps adolescents, college students, but everyone was doing it and it just simply seemed cool. Sometimes we'd only do it with friends or while out socializing at parties. Before we knew it, the thoughts of smoking consumed our very being. It may have taken a few years of off and on smoking, but we finally arrived. We're hooked. Instead of buying packs, we're buying cartons.


You see, smoking starts as a habit. We finish the day's work and we light up day in and day out every single day. We go on our breaks and we light up. We grab a cup of coffee in the morning as our habit for waking up every morning and we add a cigarette to go along with it. We start creating routines that we perform every day with a cigarette in hand. We introduced something into our rituals, our habits.


Then we gravitate to emotional ties to smoking, the second prong. We smoke when we are stressed. Soon we find ourselves stressing ourselves just for an excuse to light up. We're bored. Instead of finding other things to do, we light up. We feel we need that cigarette to keep us company. An object that gets burned up in five minutes, ten if you puff slow and pack it right. We're unloved or lonely, depressed, feeling down, we convince ourselves that that object (the cigarette) will make everything better, nicer, calmer, the warm glowing feeling.


Some believe once the physical symptoms are gone, you've got this licked. You'll never think of smoking again. Once 130 days has passed or you make it through NML, poof, it's gone and never will be seen again. That is so far from the truth. You've forgotten the most important part. Habits are easy to break, but emotional ties are very difficult. You've made this an important part of your life for many, many years. Little tiny snippets of your life moved around smoking. You created memories upon memories of activities evolved around smoking.


I'm not saying that you'll be fighting the urge to smoke your entire life, but you have to learn to recognize the warning signs. Only you can answer that question. As you move through your first year, notice the things that spark the thoughts. See them for what they are. And, yes, those thoughts will pop up from time to time. Think of how many years of memories you have stored up in your noggin'. Replace those thoughts with something different, something positive. Embrace the process of quitting and remind yourself how thankful you are that you've quit. Stop romancing the stone, the mighty cigarette. Strip it of its power and glory and give it back to where it rightfully belongs, YOU and only YOU............


A Blast From The Past

Posted by crazymama_Lori Jun 24, 2018

Before I ever had children, I always told my husband that we would have to work separate shifts because I refused to have them brought up with a baby-sitter. Back in the '80s, neither one of us made much money and we simply couldn't afford the expense either. So he worked second shift for the first 12 years of our marriage and I worked days. He didn't return to first shift until the late '90s and remained working first shift as I was working from home then.


It's been over 20-some years that's passed and now he's back on second shift due to health problems and the slower paced environment. My routine around here is all switched around. The thoughts of well, I could sneak a few cigarettes in here every now and again. No one would know the difference. Crazy how that addictive thought process can spike out of nowhere. All it takes sometimes is a blast from the past and the whirlwind begins again.


The reason for bringing this to the forefront and probably why I haven't been on the site for a week, is that I wanted to gather my thoughts and observations during this time to share with you. I've always treated quitting as a science experiment anyways. The bargaining that's been floating around in my brain has been very active over this past week. But I recognize it for what it is and a preview to what may happen in the future.


I can picture myself standing in the backyard lighting up a cigarette and feeling the burn on my throat, noticing the head rush. I know that in about an hour or two the thought will engulf me again. That gnawing need will speak to me, just one more won't hurt, who is going to know. But I know that's just simply going to be part of me that I have to see it for what it is. I have to make the choice of just shutting that off and moving on. Those little voices can speak all they want.


The Test Drive, My Stages of Growth, Hey, someone forgot to recharge this and lastly Ball of Confusion - 480 days; I always go back to some of my older blogs to when I was speaking to my addictive self, speaking out to the community at large. That's why I always stress that it's important to blog in the beginning and refrain from deleting them. It teleports me back to a time where I was struggling. I see this addiction for what it is and understand that it's lurking. Sometimes not as strong, sometimes never at all, but it's there. It's nothing to be fearful of. It's simply something that I did day in and day out for over 43 years. It was part of my everyday existence for a very long time.


It's a very strong memory tied to many things in my life. The simple example of returning back to a life I used to live after almost 21 years. But there's many differences. I'm 20 years older. I no longer drink. And most importantly I no longer smoke. It no longer defines who I am and is not who I want to be anymore. And you know what, it's okay. Mr. Nicobod, I see you for what you are. You're a blast from my past that's just going to have to take the back seat from now on, because I'm in the driver's seat. You may feel the need to jump in the front, but I'm the one navigating this course this time. So know your lane and get back to where you belong.........

Yes, I was once like you. I was petrified at the thought of quitting. I was a chain smoker for 43 years. I lit up once I woke up until the time I went to bed. Since 1996 I've owned my own business and sat at my desk in my office and puffed away all day long. My life consisted of basically emptying ashtrays all day. My keyboard was always covered in ashes. Not completely, I do have to see what I'm doing.


I remember contemplating quitting. I searched and searched for the cure all, end all. The painless way to quit. It was only a habit, you know. Kick The Habit was the campaign years back when they first introduced Habitrol and Nicoderm. They professed to be the answer. I wanted the easiest way to quit, because after all it's only a habit.


I researched all the different sites out there. Back in the early years, they didn't have websites. Those were the days of these huge cell phones with these ginormous battery packs that people hauled around. Nicotine dependence was only added as a diagnosis to the DSM-IV in 1994. I guess it really is much more than a habit. I remember ordering cases of Habitrol to quit smoking. They always said smoking was hazardous to your health. Never said it was addicting. Think back in the last 1800 and 1900s, most of their cough syrups contained opium. Who knew any of this was addicting?


It wasn't only the smoking I had to quit, but I have to also give up nicotine. As time went by and as more and more research was performed, there was studies to prove that there is chemical changes going on in our brains. An excellent article to read that I found is written by Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. I'm always on the search for more of the brain war that goes on, the explanation for it. I'm more successful at something when I can understand the reason for it so that I can find my own solution.


Take the time to find your solution. I believe a successful quit is one when a person understands what brought them there in the first place. How can you identify the warning signs when you don't even know what they are? Once you get past the physical withdrawal (2 weeks to a month), and then you're done riding the roller coaster of up one day and down the next (another 3 to 4 months), you're finding yourself thinking is this ever going to end, find your reasons for why you smoked to find your solutions. Don't go back to the go-with-what-you-know mentality. How do I do that? Go back to tracking your cigarettes or even fill out a chart and place those triggers on the left side and label the right your solution. Have a different action for each of your triggers.


You find you are struggling, identify the source. Are you struggling more when you feel the need to relax; try meditation. After a meal; chew gum, go for a walk. Anger; buy a stress ball, get a punching bag. Boredom; get a coloring book, load up some puzzle games on your tablet or phone. We have so many electronics at our disposal. There's got to be something to distract you.


Train your brain to steer toward something else instead of the act of smoking. We weren't born this way. We conditioned ourselves to automatically think of smoking when something/anything comes our way. When you have increased thoughts of smoking suddenly, take a minute and see what's going on around you. What is it that's making you want to retreat back? Think back to how you felt during the first week. Do you want to go through that again? If you want this to be your new lifestyle, what are you going to do about it?  Do you want this or not?  What do your nonsmoking friends do, those who never smoked in their lives? Ask around. Be proactive in this game we call quitting. You'll be glad you did.


The notorious slip, relapse, fall from grace... the classic answer, I'm too stressed, I don't know why, I live with a smoker, this is too hard. The honest answer is you allowed yourself to smoke. Somewhere, somehow you gave yourself that permission. You told yourself that just a couple will be fine. Complacency, the mother of all ends, has landed on your doorstep. What brought him a knocking on that door?


For many years, we were of the misconception that smoking can be cured. We can just simply quit and it will never be with us ever again. We will never be tempted again. Those are the people that don't understand why they relapsed. Why do I keep doing this? Some of them are of the belief that I'll just quit and it will be gone from my body in 2 weeks and I'll be just fine. Somehow someway the emotional aspect of smoking is taken out of the equation. The situational aspect is taken out of the equation.


Slowly as you progress along the quitting spectrum, you will have what some here call stinkin' thinkin'. After you get through the physical withdrawal, you have association urges. It could be the first spring, the first holiday, family gathering, some event in your life that happens in a cyclical pattern. It could simply be when children come home or are home from break when you're first quit or just a change of season. These are the times you need to be on the lookout for. These are the sneaky triggers that will prompt you back to smoking thoughts, association urges. Your brain associates smoking with a certain event because you've been doing that for the past how many years. That's all it knows.


I go back to the example of check writing. We wrote out a certain date for the past 12 months. Suddenly when January rolls around, you wake up half asleep yet making out the monthly bills and you automatically write out the previous year's date. Your brain has been trained to do that because you've been repetitively been doing that over and over. Apply smoking to that equation. The first year you are creating new memories or associations without smoking. You will find in your second year that those events that you were dreading the first year are so much easier in the second year. Why? Because you've created a different association, a memory with that event.


It doesn't have to even be an event. It could be simply dealing with your triggers. You need to train your brain to do something else other than grab for that cigarette. If you fail to do that, you'll be twirling around looking for that cigarette because you haven't taught yourself to do anything else. When you're angry, grab for a stress ball. You're frustrated, click a pen. You're feeling anxiety, rub a smooth rock between your fingers or massage your palm. But pick a different thing for each trigger you're having a problem dealing with. Train your brain to do something else other than grabbing for a cigarette.


A smoking thought hits you out of the blue, take a few seconds and see what it is that's triggering it. Close your eyes for a second, take a few slow deep breaths in and deep breaths out and think about what it is that's causing this anxiety. You have the answer. You just have to allow it to surface. We ran to the cigarette because it was easier to do that than to deal with whatever it was we were choosing not to deal with or have no clue how to deal with it. Take the time and find the answers from within yourself. Quitting smoking is like someone is handing a journal to you with all blank pages. There is no index. There is no table of contents. There's only little helpful tips along the way. The tips can be found on this site by using the magnifying glass (search) function. Type in your question by using keywords, anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, fear, loathing, guilt. There's over 28,000 people on this site, there's bound to be someone writing about these topics. Use this site for what it has. If you work it, it will get you to where you want to be.


My Stages of Growth

Posted by crazymama_Lori Mar 13, 2018

When I joined Ex back in 2015 was after I did approximately a year's worth of research. I wanted to understand smoking on the same level of alcoholism and drug addiction. I read up on how the brain interacted and reacted in the stage of withdrawal. Not pertaining to smoking, but just in general. What is it that makes you keep coming back. I thought of myself as a science experiment as time went on. What is it that makes me a smoker? Why is it a problem for me and not for others? What is it that it appeals to some and it repels others?


Well, as everyone knows, most smokers are born in adolescence. We use it as a status symbol or even peer acceptance or approval. We just thought it made us look cool. Some of us had parents that smoked or one of them. It's something we remember when we were children. Most memories are created by the senses when we can't form those memories into words. Babies cry when they're hungry or hurt. Smile when they see a familiar face. Laugh when amused. With some, senses is what drives us. In my case, my father smoked. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I distinctly remember that smell of that '65 station wagon with the stick on the column.


My father was my hero. I never wanted to disappoint Dad. I wanted to be just like him. He was my icon. He also was a very heavy drinker and smoker. He was a master plumber and always had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He was my first introduction to smoking. I don't think we wake up as smokers. Back in the '50s and '60s everyone smoked. I'm just using that as reference because that's a period I can relate to. Smoking was in movies, commercials, magazine and newspaper ads. It was an accepted and portrayed as a glamorous habit. People holding a cigarette holder, leaned back leisurely blowing out smoke. Brain associates relaxation with smoking, stress relieving with smoking. We learned it somewhere. Smokers are not simply born. We learned and used it for something in our lives.


I think the key to quitting is learning about yourself and why you pick up that cigarette. Your first six months to a year you really don't think about the reasons. You're just concentrating on staying quit, maintaining your quit. I know in my case my first year was a blur. I went through so many different emotions then. This wasn't right, that wasn't right, why was I in this relationship, why did I put up with this, that and the other thing. I never noticed them before, because I was too busy puffing my way through them, the difficult things, the hard things. I was just thinking the other day how fuzzy the first year was and what a difference this year is. I'm more calm. I'm not as anxious. I'm not as tightly wound as I once was.


I started at Ex reading and reading. I went through the steps in the My Quit Plan. Printed out my tracker tool on how I plan on separating from my triggers. I even added more on as time went on. There's just little things that pop up over the ensuing months that you never realized how much you puffed your way through them. I went back through the Elders' blogs and read how they evolved. Most are not active on this site any longer, but their blogs are still there. I read their struggles and read all the responses. It comforted me then to know that what I'm going through is normal, it's a stair step process.


I refer back to relapse prevention and read how at times people do struggle to maintain their quit, that this truly never goes away. I read also on how they accepted that and respected it. Know your foe and respect the beast. Embrace each day and learn from the bumps in the road. Use this site for everything it has. If you're having a rough day, pop over to Laughter is the Best Medicine or check out some groups that interest you and read some there. Reach out to members, people you feel comfortable with. We'll help you get there. All you have to do is take our hand...........



Ripples in the pond

Posted by crazymama_Lori Dec 31, 2017

Every New Years Eve, I have had a ritual here for the last 22 years of closing out my books for my business. Starting a new binder for the next year/years. One thing I've never changed is keeping hard copies of invoices from my business. I've had way too many computers crash over the years. And the one time that I'd forget to back up something is when it was certainly going to die on me. So every year, I pull out that empty binder that I'll use for the next two years, transfer over the dividers for the months, label it and put it on the shelf.


I just finished off my two-year binder. Will finally be printing my last invoice of the year. Printing off my year-end summaries. Filing them away. While I was opening up my storage closet and looking at past years, the pages look so different now. They're no longer yellow stained and absolutely reek when you open them up. All those years of chain smoking in my office left a mark in those books. My daughter came home after being at a neighbor's house. They both smoke in their house and she just absolutely smelled. I just looked up at my husband and said, did I smell that bad for all those years?


When we're smokers, we never notice those smells. We're too busy killing off those cilia hairs to really notice the fantastic smells of the world around us. I've found a great article,How Smoking Harms Your Sinuses | Everyday Health  which discusses how smoking affects your sinuses. It amazes me what those little hairs do that we were destroying every day. Take a peek at the article and see what you think.


So to close this out, I want to wish everyone a very happy, prosperous new year. If you're new to the site, stick close to us here. We will help you along every step of the way. Before you light up again, come here and discuss your feelings, your frustration. I know with myself, way back in the beginning, I'd start writing a blog all frustrated and chasing my own tail. And by the end of it, I was calmed down. I was seeing things differently. I've learned over time that problem was just a small ripple in the pond, getting further and further away............


Always around this time of year, as I'm sure a lot of you have, reflect back on the past year or even over the last couple of years and gauge how far or how back you've gone.  Resolutions were never a thing for me.  I knew I would never keep them and usually was a promise of an unattainable goal.  I look back this year the same as last year and remember the struggle I went through  back in 2015 trying so hard to quit smoking.


I read all that I could possibly read.  I was going through the steps slowly as they suggested under My Quit Plan.  I was trying so hard to cut back on smoking way back then to make it easier on myself when I finally hit the scheduled quit date of 12/31/2015.  Two more days I kept telling myself.  I was even having nightmares about the impending date.  I was seeing it as a death sentence.  That little nagging voice in the back of my head kept telling me, oh, you can wait for another year yet.  Cigarettes aren't up to $70 a carton yet.  You know you set that measure of when you were going to quit.


Oh, how I tried to talk myself out of quitting.  Took me until January 25th, 2016 to finally do it and never blogged until I had a good solid 30 days in.  Somehow in the back of my mind, I knew I was going to fail.  I actually think I set myself up for failure.  My mind was going overtime replaying the same scenario and making one excuse after another.  You see, two years ago I was just like you.  I was hopping on that gerbil wheel and spinning myself into a tizzy.  I was petrified because of all the horror stories I heard of quitting.  All I heard was it was the hardest thing I ever did, but the best decision of my life.  If I only had a crystal ball then to see what I am today, I wouldn't have put it off for so many years.


I'm happy that I dug my heels in, I stuck with it.  Instead of twirling telling myself I couldn't do this, I said I'm not going to let this control me.  I am in control.  Not a substance in a cigarette.  It's the substance, nicotine, that controlled my existence for so many years.  Cigarettes just happened to be the delivery method.  I finally separated the two and it all began to make sense.  Yes, quitting is hard, but that's what keeps me from ever going back.  It's nice not to be a slave anymore............


Sink or Swim

Posted by crazymama_Lori Sep 22, 2017

Well, I started off for a while here telling people to give it 6 months, it gets better. After a year or so, you even out. Well, then the comments came of if it takes 6 months, why bother. If it was that easy to quit, we'd have serial quitters all over the place.


The first 30 days suck. You have the physical, the mental all at once. Your daily life collides with not doing one thing, smoking. Well, think about it, you performed that act at least 15 to 40 and sometimes more times per day without even thinking about it. I can't tell you how many times I reached for that pack of cigarettes and it wasn't even there.


In the beginning, they kept telling me it gets easier, hang on, you can do this. I've come to the conclusion now that it only got easier when I finally was able to make it easier. I was able to finally realize that this is a problem, an addiction, whatever you want to call it, that I need to control. I need to understand that the act of smoking will pop up from time to time, but only because it was part of my life for so many years. I associated it with so many things that I did day in and day out. It popped up over holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, any other thing that I celebrated during my years.


I have friends that smoke and some that don't. It's just something they do that I don't do any longer. It doesn't define me as a person. It doesn't give me stature in life. It simply is not part of who I am anymore. Don't just jump in the pond and think you can automatically swim without learning first. Arm yourself with knowledge. Go the groups that they have here and read some articles there. Go to some of the member's profiles and read their blogs from the beginning of their time here. You will see very many similarities. You will begin to see yourself in those pages. Now, imagine yourself swimming......


When it comes to quitting anything anyone is dependent upon, addicted to, wouldn't it be wonderful to have a cookie-cutter solution to take it all away and never have it pop up again. A magical pill to make everything reset, take the cravings, the urges away never to return again. There is no such thing and there will never be such a thing as quitting is not a one-size-fits-all solution. We all, every single one of us, had a different reason to start smoking and to quit smoking. Statistics may say that most smokers started in adolescence due to peer pressure or acceptance. But to me, those are just numbers. I'm not a statistic. I'm an individual who has a problem with a substance. I used this substance for all kinds of personal reasons. As you have used or still are using this substance for your own reasons.


I used support to validate my feelings. To have someone tell me I'm okay, this is normal, it's just a stage, a step in the process. You're doing great. Yeah, I went through something like that similar to yours. I needed support because I needed people around me who understood exactly what I was going through. They've been through it, lived it. I had people around me that were of the thought of well, all you have to do is not smoke, don't buy any more, you'll be fine. That wasn't the case for me at all.


I have a few people I know who have been through in-patient rehab for drug addiction. They move through the motions. They show up to their meetings only to relapse a few months down the road. For these people, what happened? Where was the ball dropped? I can only speak for myself and my experience with quitting smoking is that if I didn't take those few seconds later in my quit when a craving came out of nowhere, was an all-consuming urge, if I wouldn't have taken a deep breath and simply said to myself, what exactly is bringing this on right at this moment in time, identified the problem and saw it for what it was and not acted on it, I'd be puffing away on a pack right now.


I don't want to be tied to a lighter, designated places to smoke, which way the flipping wind is blowing. I will never go back there again. I'm going to see that trigger for what it is and do something about it. What am I missing, what in my little addictive brain is telling me that that cigarette is going to solve “IT”? You see, those urges go away after a few moments. Next time you get one, distract yourself with something else, physically get up and move away from where you are, finding something else to do that requires some sort of attention, some detail you have to concentrate on and give it a few minutes. Went away, didn't it?


Now, let's take the flip side of that coin. You're about 2 weeks into your quit. Why isn't this going away? When is this ever going to end? You come to the site. You blog your frustration. You feel a little better, but it's building all over again. OMG, stop !!!! Get up, get your hands busy doing something. It may be working in your wood shop, cleaning out your frig, ripping out shelving paper, cleaning cupboards, something, anything. Get those hands and get your mind working. Take up a new hobby, go for a walk, buy yourself a coloring book. Youngatheart has a blog entitled 101 Things to Do Instead of Smoke, pick a few off that list or off of this one, Additions to The List of 101 Things to Do Instead of Smoke a Cigarette . There's all kinds of great ideas on there.


I asked myself very early in my quit why this was coming back and coming back. The closest I came to an explanation was . That article also has many, many different topics covered. Another perspective, another way of looking at things. So to close out this blog. When you first quit, you're just like the little gingerbread man, "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man ."  Is that what we're doing as we're thinking of quitting? Some find it overwhelming to think of it as 30 days, 6 months on up. Just take it one day at a time. Wake up everyday and say to yourself, I'm not smoking today. Go to the pledge page, The Daily Pledge September 2017 every morning to state that fact. Every evening, go to the freedom train and proudly announce every day how many days you have overcome. Make that your new ritual. Gradually as the sand falls through the hourglass, it gets easier and easier. Instead of having a stranglehold on that cigarette, you find yourself helping others, cheering them on. Every day you're getting stronger and stronger. Give it the time it takes. Trust in the process..................


You Said WHAT?

Posted by crazymama_Lori Aug 20, 2017

I distinctly remember when I first joined. I read and read blogs. I even created a few of my own but never published them. I didn't trust in myself. I firmly didn't believe that this time will be the time that it stuck. This will be when the switch is tripped and I finally get the hang of this. I didn't feel comfortable opening up to people here on the site.


I searched and searched for sites. In my town, there is no quitters group, smokers anonymous or whatever they call them. Many of the sites out there will only allow you to join if you are doing it cold turkey. Well, that I knew I couldn't do. I tried my best and just couldn't do it.


I'll be honest, I came here and there were many I clicked with and a few that I didn't. But I realized that I was in a hypersensitive state and everything anyone said or did, I took to heart. I felt it as a personal attack and half the time I even read the response wrong. At times I overreacted and at other times I did not.


I mention this because I've seen this happen quite a few times on the site over the past year. If someone is being abusive or harassing, then report it to the admin so that he can investigate it. If someone makes a comment on your blog and you don't care for it, simply scroll past it. You'll find there will be many different comments following it. It's an opinion of one among well over 20,000 people on this site. We tend to be in tunnel vision at the beginning and don't see the group as a massive congregation. Think of when you were in school and there was always that certain someone that just irked you the wrong way, the same applies here. Take a deep breath and scroll past it.


I left all the comments to my blogs, the ones I don't care for along with the ones that have pushed me forward. I left them all there so that they could help someone else along the way. Another thing I've also noticed is at first when I read some comments and I was actually offended or hurt by it. Now that I go back and read them over again, I read them now with different eyes. I see what they were doing. If I would have deleted those comments, I wouldn't have had to chance to look back and reflect, learn and grow. I understand now what they were saying. Sometimes it may seem like it's the mood of the day or a snowball effect of something that happened on the site a few days earlier.


I have tended to create my blogs ahead of time on my computer. I add to it, delete from it constantly. It helps me to gather my thoughts, to categorize them, if you will. Prioritize at times when I'm struggling with something. Always remember the saying of take what you need and leave the rest. If you are unable to make your own journal at home and wish to do it here, all you have to do is restrict the comments at the bottom of the page. I hope that you choose not to do that, because there's so much knowledge to gather from the members as a whole. We can be your vitual cheerleaders. Here at EX, we're all just like a bowl of fruit. Some like bananas, some like apples, oranges, whatever. Just pick your favorites. Pass over the ones you don't care for.

I've often wondered if there was someone who monitored this site. Not just for content, but for correctness in the advice given. If there was a counselor or addictionist or social worker, a Ph.D. Someone who was fact checking advice being given. I come from a research driven occupation. I have to fact check at all times and verify information. I have to be the perpetual doubting Thomas in what I do.


That's what makes quitting smoking so difficult. There is no set timeline on you will go through this for a week and then progress to this for a week, kind of like a personal trainer who is trying to whip you into shape. This is such a personal progression. I think the reason for that is, is the emotional ties we have to smoking. My doctor told me that smokers are the pleasure junkies. We're always looking for the next hit of something that will take us to where we need to be. We've all heard it. I hate being tired when I quit. When is this fogginess ever going to go away. I can't seem to concentrate. Well, think about it. You've been zapping your brain for YEARS to get it going on a daily basis.


Nonsmokers, people who never had the desire or thought of even smoking, do have the same complaints EXCEPT they deal with it differently. They're not running to that one solution to solve the problem of the day. They're tired; they nap. They have a hard time concentrating; they divert their attention for a while and refocus, regroup. They feel foggy; they get some fresh air, exercise. You see you have to develop the thought patterns of a nonsmoker, a life without smoking. Get your dopamine fix in other ways. Research it, find one that fits your lifestyle.


Never take the easy road. Never throw in the towel. Take the time the figure out what is stirring up the thoughts of smoking again for you. Trust me, it's either something physical, hunger, lethargy or some memory that's being sparked that makes you instantly THINK of smoking. Again, think of all the zapping you've done through the years. I read a very good article the other day that can be applied to smoking and thoughts of smoking. Give it a read and see what you think:


Blessings to all and hope this finds you all in good health,