Skip navigation
All People > constanceclum > constanceclum Blog
constanceclum

90 DOF!!!

Posted by constanceclum Oct 27, 2019

That truly amazed me! Growing up with the attitude that, once you start smoking, you can never quit! That was a hard "nut to crack". Once something is firmly implanted from childhood, it's hard to "undo" that. But finally I was able too. It took many "failed" attempts, reading hundreds of blogs from  people just like me who had successfully quit. We have a concept in AA called "terminal uniqueness" that addicts have to squash before we can break the addiction.

 

2,709 cigarettes not smoked! $390.00 saved!

 

I have not had a difficult time (so far) in NML or stepping down from patches. The 1st 7 weeks were hard for me. But with God's strength and the help from all of you, I persevered. Then a few difficult (moderately) days as I stepped down with patches. Now I am off the patches as of yesterday so I expect I might have a day or two that aren't pleasant this week. And whatever NML wants to throw my way, if anything, then on to triple digits.

 

To the newcomer: I am 61, I had smoked for 48 yrs. 30-40 cigarettes/day, I have been through a massive amount of stress, I have bipolar depression/anxiety and have not been on medication for 5 months for reasons I won't go into here. There is no excuse to keep smoking. I am thoroughly convinced if I can do this, anyone can quit. SMOKING HELPS NOTHING!!! SMOKING KILLS AND SEVERELY IMPACTS THE QUALITY OF LIFE!!!

 

 

Connie

constanceclum

Hey Everybody!!!

Posted by constanceclum Oct 22, 2019

I'm still here and 85 DOF!!! I'm just way too busy, and I guess that's a good thing, but I haven't been able to get on here as often as I'd like. Don't get me wrong-I come here everyday and take the pledge and read as many blogs as I can, but I'm usually in a rush. I thought I would have so much EXtra time when I quit but other things are taking it's place.

 

I have horrible, chronic insomnia and sometimes I'm just too exhausted to blog. Also, most weekdays, I'm getting up at 3:30 to take Scott to Charlotte to work so I can have the car. Also,he hasn't got his cpap yet, so most times he needs me to drive him because he isn't safe. But if I haven't slept, then I'm not safe either. I've taken trazodone for many yrs for sleep, but I'm at the max. dose ant I think I've built up a tolerance too it. So I'm working with my Dr. for her to prescribe something else.

 

Finances are getting more and more difficult. Cars back in the transmission shop but is still under warranty but we're having to rent a car again, and the money I'm spending on that is the money I was going to use toward Scott's cpap. Scott's job is still taking $250.00 out of his checkes til we pay back the money they lent us for the original transmission overhaul. Thank God for my faith that he will make good out of bad. One thing for sure, we will get a 2nd used, cheap car so we won't have to rent cars in the future. But I do refuse to have a car payment.

 

So now for my quit journey. I am now on the 3rd step down patch-7 mg. Stepping down to the 14 mg patch in the past has always caused me to relapse. This time, I've only had 1 day that was a little difficult when I've stepped down. In fact just a few harsh cravings that I'm not even sure was from stepping down or NML. Anyway, next Sun. I will remove the patch for the last time, and I'm ecstatic about that!

 

I pray that God releases blessings for each and everyone of you and that all of you continue to stay smoke-free!

 

Connie

constanceclum

Update

Posted by constanceclum Oct 13, 2019

My husband is finally getting help with his sleep apnea. It's been horrible watching him go through this. He has broken down a few times. Most times, he wakes up every few seconds to couple of minutes. There's those few occassions when he'll stay asleep for 20 minutes. Everyone wants to minimize this, but sleep deprivation like this is used as a torture technique on POW's. I've been getting up at 3:30 to take him to Charlotte to work and then pick him up at 1. 2 hours in the car each day. I can't believe how long he has had to wait for help, and the only reason he got in this soon is because I called the sleep clinic bawling my eyes out and told them, even with my nursing history, I have never seen anything so inhumane in my life. He falls asleep at work and he's fallen down. I'm so frustrated at this administration not doing anything and refusing to vote on bills to help people with healthcare.

 

Anyway, I fell apart a couple of weeks ago and told him I was moving to my son's in Tennessee. I was so sick of being so heartbroken over watching him suffer and struggle to breath while he was steady drinking, smoking pot and cigarettes. He's quit drinking and pot and smoking very minimally (5/day) but saying daily he hast to quit. I believe he will. It's like without the beer and pot in his system, he's realizing how sick he is with copd. So of course, I'm not leaving him. I really do love him! Once I realized he was spending over $400.00/mo on beer, pot and cigs, yet we can't afford his health insurance, and frankly, I'm sick of facing everything alone and keeping everything together while he's having a good old time getting high and not facing anything.

 

So it's working out for now. I hope we have his cpap by the end of the week. Please join me in prayer that he will be able to tolerate it. Many can't.

 

Connie

constanceclum

75 DOFe!!!

Posted by constanceclum Oct 12, 2019

2,263 cigarettes not smoked. $330.00 saved! I really don't want anyone to think I'm patting myself on the back, but I know, if I can do this with all the ongoing stress, depression and anxiety I've been through, and being 61 with a 48 yr. history of smoking, then ANYONE that truly wants it, can. I'm in my 2nd week of 14 mg step down patch so I'm having cravings again, but they're milder for the most part. I'm having a tougher morning (I'm also in NML) so I'm taking a nicotine lozenge for the 1st time since hell week, but I want everyone to know, since I've already experienced what true freedom feels like, I certainly will not give in now!

 

Connie

constanceclum

Doing Great

Posted by constanceclum Oct 4, 2019

24 hours on the 14mg patch, and I've just had a few minor craves. I was so worried about stepping down and here I am rockin' it lol!

 

Connie

constanceclum

step down patch

Posted by constanceclum Oct 3, 2019

I put on a 14 mg patch today. I started this quit without a plan for step down. I know I've relapsed twice on the 14 mg patch during the 2nd month and not ready for the cravings that came with it. I decided with this quit that I would stay on the21 mg through NML if necessary. Well I've reached that point where smoking is not on my mind most of the time, and I've been forgetting to put a new patch on frequently. When I realize that I forgot to put the patch on, I realize that I haven't had any worsening of craves. I forgot again this morning so I decided it's time to step down. I am 2 months and 4 days quit, and I'm feeling strong.

 

Thanks everyone for being part of this awesome journey with me!

 

God bless,

 

Connie

Sunday I celebrated 2 months of freedom!!! I'm really feeling good about my quit which this time is my forever quit! However life still has me running in circles! I started a little part-time job (20 hrs/week) to help pay for everything going on. So I worked last week from 5-9 p.m. and felt awful all week trying to adjust. I'm 61 and haven't worked for 10 yrs. I've always been a day shift person and go to sleep between 8 and 9. I'm also extremely tired a lot of the time and wonder if I need to be back on depression meds. My husbandd is still suffering from bad sleep apnea and it seems, insomnia. It's been 4 months since he has had a decent nights sleep. I can't for the life of me, understand why he is waiting 7 weeks til 10/31  for his consultation with a sleep specialist. Isn't that the arguement against universal healthcare? Anyway, it's really caught up with him, and he almost got in accident coming home from work on fri. because he fell asleep driving home from work. So I am now getting up at 4 a.m. to take him to work in Charlotte (30 minute drive each way) and picking him up at 1:00. I am not able to do that and work at night so I had to quit the job.

 

I think the worst part of all that I have gone through the past 4 months is realizing on a daily basis that I have 0 control over my life. And I'm wondering if that's a reason that I'm succeeding with this quit because that's 1 thing that I can control.

 

I also went to my lung dr. he said I might still have some cancer cells in this lung nodule because it did grow even though the PET scan didn't "light up". He presented me to the tumorboard. The surgeon doesn't want to operate because he believes this is the same nodule that he took out a yr. and 1/2 ago and that it has grown back. They don't want to do radiation without a firm cancer dx. because it will cause more damage to my already damaged lungs. So we will repeat the CT scan in Jan. and then he might send me to Duke which is about 3 hours away.

 

So life is not getting easier, and I feel like I might at any time break out in hysterical laughter, but I will not smoke!!

 

Connie

I am having a rest day! I had planned on going to church with a friend but after the week I had I decided to have a rest day.  I went to an AA aniversary eating meeting last night with a bunch of women I am in recovery with and we had so much fun! It was the first time I have had a good time in a long time. I go for my infuion tomorrow and start my new job tomorrow night. My infusion takes about 4 hours so it will be a long day.

 

I am not having any urges and go for long periods without thinking of smoking. Dale says I will soon find myself that I went a whole day without thinking about a cigarette, but that will be pretty hard as I come here everyday and don't expect that to change anytime soon. But as I type those words (smoking, nicotine) I have no feelings attacheds to them and that is wonderful.

 

I just want to remind newbies, don't stop before the miracle. I didn't and I'm so grateful!

 

God bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Good morning everyone!!!

Posted by constanceclum Sep 21, 2019

I hope you all have a great smoke free weekend!!!

 

Connie

constanceclum

It's all good

Posted by constanceclum Sep 20, 2019

My husband works for an auto repair company. It has a convenience store/deli that he works in but we always have the repair side work on our car. A year ago they told us we needed a transmission flush per toyota maintenance program. Apparently they didn't "seal" the transmission right, causing a leak and that is what happened to our camry. No this is a family owned business since the early 60's, all certified mechanics and has a great reputation. They have to send the car out because it needs a transmission overhaul, and they don't do that. The charge $1725.45. As I already explained, we don't have that kind of money, and we have been scrambling, trying to figure out what to do. We live in a small town with no public transportation and he works in Charlotte, about a half hour away. He's been taking uber to and from work which costs about $20.00 less than he makes a day. Well, everything has worked out. I found out through toyota that they have no transmission flushes in their maintenance plan.and the mechanic didn't seal it properly. So they were able to get $1,000.00 off the cost and are going to pay the $700.00, and we will pay that back over several pay periods. My son is helping me rent a car which I am getting tomorrow so alls well that ends well. Seriously, everything always works out through God and worrying helps nothing. 3 months ago I would have smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day, justifying it because it "helped my nerves" Thank God I for giving me the strength to not smoke, and thank EX for helping me, supporting me, encouraging me. I could not have done this without you!

 

Connie 53 DOF and it feels great!

constanceclum

Thank you Mark

Posted by constanceclum Sep 18, 2019

And the rest of the EX (Mayo Clinic) staff for all you do for us!!!

 

Connie

constanceclum

Changed Mindset

Posted by constanceclum Sep 18, 2019

Fall is in the air here in NC, and I'm feeling so much better! It finally occurred to me that we got through each and every problem of the past 4 months, and we will get through this. And I never smoked!

 

I just want to let other people, new in your quits, that I have used this site for many years in my attempts to quit smoking. I have read thousands of blogs, and I never, not once, have I read one where someone expressed regret over quitting smoking. So keep on keeping on!

 

God Bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

I'm sorry

Posted by constanceclum Sep 17, 2019

Blogging about all this crap. But it really helps. I'm so "ill" over all this I'm actually dizzy. But typing it all out helps it lose it's power. And I have friends that know all I've been going through. But they all have their own problems. Life just seems so much harder than it use to be, and not just for me. But I'm done for the day, and I just wanted to apologize for all the negativity.

 

Connie

constanceclum

Update

Posted by constanceclum Sep 17, 2019

So it is our transmission. We do not have thousands of dollars to put in this car. We do not have credit. I have owed so many thousands of dollars for healthcare that's accrued over several yrs. and keeps accruing that we can't get credit. We are having the car towed to find out exactly what's wrong with it and how much it will cost, but we live in a small town, not close to anything and no public transportation. My husband works in Charlotte about a half hour drive each way. He took tomorrow off from work because he can't get there and so we can figure out what to do. Please pray for us!

 

I WILL NOT SMOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Connie

Today I have 50 days of freedom from the hidious cancer sticks. I am proud of myself because I have never made it this far! I blogged yesterday about how much stress I've been under for the past 4 months, and I'm going to repeat whe whining for the last time because there's an "in conclusion" now.

 

I had been on latuda for e yrs. given to me as samples from the county mental health clinic that I was going to. This medication is for bipolar depression and costs $1200.00/mo. There is no way I could even affort the co-pay. They had been telling me for several months prior that they weren't getting as many samples and in May they told me they didn't have any. This is a dangerous medicine to stop taking. You have to wean off it over months and under medical supervision. I weaned myself off it as best I could with the ones I had left-over about 3 weeks. I went through the worst depression and anxiety I had ever experienced, and it lasted for several weeks. At the end of May, my brilliant son who was going to grad. school for Data Science, went with his family to Myrtle Bch. where he decided to do a bunch of meth and ended up in jail. He lost everything. He add a history of alcohol and prescription med abuse but had never done illegal street drugs. On top of my depression I was already going through, watching him go through this totally broke my heart! He's out of jail now and in treatment, and will have to start his life completely over starting with nothing.. In July I had my 6 mo. CT scan which showed the nodule in my lungs had grown. This is highly incitive of malignancy, and I already spend a God awful amoung to money on medical expenses every month so I had no idea how I would even begin to afforddf cancer care even with insurance, and because of other health problems, I'm not a good candidate for either lung surgery or chemo. I had also got pneumonia in May which really had made my breathing a lot worse so I started thinking about quitting smokin and took the plunge on July 29. I had my Pet scan at the end of Aug. and found out last week that the nodule is benign so, finally, some good news. At the same time, my husband got really sick with pneumonia, copd flare up and possibly sleep apnea. Today, he called and told me we are having transmission problems. in our only car. We don't know the outcome yet.

 

So I'm depressed and have periods of anxiety. I don't know, for the life of me, why we are being so bombarded. I started wondering if maybe I am being severely tested by Satan to cave and start smoking again, because I have had so a hard time in NML. Well, I'm here to say, I will not give in. My story will be that, no matter what you go through, what kind of depression or anxiety or crap that life throws at you, YOU DON"T HAVE TO SMOKE OVER IT!!!

 

I hope you all have a blessed day!

 

Connie