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5 months today

Posted by constanceclum Dec 29, 2019

And I'm looking for the word to describe where I'm at because I'm definitely not "nicotine recovered", but nothing fits. Occassionally I miss smoking. Back to those pre-copd days when I could have a cigarette without giving it a second thought. Those times are very rare now, but I still have ?. Like being halfway in the car and my brain realizes that this is when I'm supposed to light up. Then an automatic NOPE and on with my day. But there is a "feeling"  associated with that realization that I can't place.I guess urge is the only word that feels somewhat appropriate but it really isn't quite that strong. Anyway, I can have several of "those" a day, and I'm wondering if this is my new normal because I really wish they'd go away.


I'm having a copd flare-up so I'm not breathing well and not feeling well. I called my lung Drs office and told them how I was feeling and that I didn't want to go to the ER because it's full of flu people so they sent me for a chest-ray and called in some prednisone. 


I'm meeting with a surgeon on thurs. about putting in a "port". I've had monthly IV's of antibodies for immune deficiency and will have them the rest of my life so we decided a port would be more convenient and comfortable for me. I also have my lung CT scan in Jan. to check on the nodule and see if I'll need to go to Duke or not.


For the most part I try to just turn things over to God and stay stress free, but sometimes it gets to me. Thank God for all of you that without fail, helps me stay calm.




Hey All

Posted by constanceclum Dec 14, 2019

Just checking in to let all of  you know I'm still here and have 138 DOF. I never thought I would skip even 1 day of being here, reading blogs and sharing my experience, strength and hope for the newcomers. When I first quit. I talked about being off my bipolar depression meds. I didn't go into why and I'm not going to now because it's too long and involved, but it really wasn't my choice. Somehow, even though I was very depressed and highly anxious, I managed to quit smoking. I "went" someplace mentally with this quit that, even though I can't quite explain it, I was able to quit in spite of that and going through 1 crisis after the other. My other big symptom is chronic insomnia. Well, a few weeks ago, it all caught up with me, and I stopped functioning well. I am waiting to get in to see a psychiatrist (after the 1st of the year was the best they could do-isn't 2019 healthcare grand?), and my primary Dr. prescribed 1 of the 2 meds I need so I am feeling somewhat better but still sleeping poorly.


The important thing is I didn't feel it was necessary to smoke. Smoking wouldn't have helped anything. My husband celebrated 1 month free this past week. I'm a little peeved because it was so much easier for him lol. Not really, I'm grateful that we are both free from smoking. The money saved when 2 people quit is a car payment lol-not that we're in the market-but it's very noticeable every week.


God bless,