constanceclum

Ugghhh!!!

Blog Post created by constanceclum on Sep 16, 2019

I'm 7 weeks free from smoking, and I feel like I just went through hell week all over again! It's extremely discouraging! I have been through 4 months of never-ending stress, and I'm wondering if that's the problem. Like my brain is insisting that smoking is how I've always coped. I haven't given in. I know how really p****d I'd be if I smoked, had that chest tightness and difficulty breathing then realizing that it didn't help anything. I am just really depressed, and I MISS the times when I smoked and never gave it a 2nd thought.

 

There was 1 lady that commented on 1 of my blogs that her hardest time was betwee days 21 & 60. I wish I could remember who it was. I know I can make 60 days. That's only 11 more days. I'm really hoping that's how it works for me.

 

I'm also very frustrated. I had already blogged about How sick Scott has been. He had pneumonia that turned into a copd flare-up and we think sleep apnea. I have talked, begged, pleaded and cried for him to start taking care of himself. He's a daily beer drinker, smokes 1 & 1/2 packs/day and also smokes pot. I've cried to him that I don'd believe he will live long, and I'm not ready to lose him, but he will not stop. He also does not eat healthy and is over weight. It's so heartbreaking to me because he's only 55.

 

I'll keep doing what I've been doing everyday for 4 months. I spend time with God every morning and turn all my cares and worries over to him. That has a calming effect and gets me through each day.

 

And I come here and read, read, read. And I feel the love of all of you, and it has a calming effect and gets me through each day.

 

I think I forgot to tell you, I read the online results of my PET scan and it appears the nodule is benign. I see the Dr in a couple of weeks. I don't understand why it grew, but I'll take that good news!

 

God bless,

 

Connie

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