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2019
constanceclum

Still Going Strong!!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 31, 2019

33 DOF!!! My old PC finally bit the dust the other day. I spent a long time trying to navigate this site on my phone, but that was horrible. It took me so long to find personal blogs,, then couldn't remember how I did it. so I gave up. I went and got a tablet which is nice but taking a bit to get used to.

 

So am I in NML? Not sure how that works for people using patches, but I feel like I'm just getting out of New Man's Land lol.Seriously, I have struggled with harsh craves. Week 3 was pretty good, but weeks 4 & 5 were like the 1st 3 days all over again. But it's been Nope for me all the way. Finally, yesterday and today I have felt like a nonsmoker for the most part. Some minor twinges here and there.

 

So tomorrow I leave for upstate NY to visit my son and daughter-in-law. I had my PET scan on Wed. but don't see my Dr. until the end of the month. I refuse to look at the results online until I get back. 

 

Hope all of you are enjoying a nice smoke-free w/e and God bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

They Come out of Nowhere

Posted by constanceclum Aug 27, 2019

So after blogging how great I felt this morning, I ate breakfast and then had a huge, craving. I had reached a point where that trigger wasn't bothering me anymore but, oops, there it is. I prayed, got busy, and remembered to deep breath.It passed after about 30 minutes.

 

Don't give in to the craves!!!

 

Connie

constanceclum

My "Stick With It" blog

Posted by constanceclum Aug 27, 2019

Just a reminder to get through those tough days the best you can using all your tools! I'm starting my 5th weeks, and the past 3 or 4 days have been tough! I felt like I was back in heck week. I was discouraged but not willing to give in. I was frustrating, but smoking was not an option! I woke up this morning feeling great! Like a nonsmoker! As Dale says "we have to go through it to get out of it".

 

God bless all of you!

 

Connie

constanceclum

And the Beat goes On

Posted by constanceclum Aug 26, 2019

4 weeks of freedom, 855 cigarettes not smoked, $126.00 saved!

 

Connie

Foul odors lol. They're all over. Will not smoke over them though.

 

Connie

constanceclum

Mind Over Matter

Posted by constanceclum Aug 23, 2019

One would think that, if you are having negative physical symptoms that are caused by the psychology of your brain, you would be able to stop it by being aware of it. Not so from my experience this week. Wednesday AM, I took my patch off, got in the shower and realized I had forgot to put a new one on. I planned on putting a new one on when I got out of the shower but I forgot again. That was at 9:30. At 3:30, I was driving home from the gym and went to scratch my are (the patches cause me minor itching) and realized the patch wasn't there. I checked my other arm-no patch. I was amazed that I hadn't felt the effects of no nicotine all day, and I decided to leave the patch off, Sure enough, once I realized I was not getting nicotine, the cravings got pretty tough. I kept telling myself it was all in my head but it didn't help. I finally put a patch on because I was afraid I would give in to the cravings and smoke.

 

I had the worse craving that wouldn't stop at the infusion center today. I didn't give a 2nd thought about preparing for the clinic because, usually over the past 26 days, when I'm in nonsmoking situations, I do better, but this was a huge trigger.Then I realized that, over the past 2 yrs that I've been getting these infusions, that I've always had a horrible time as a smoker. I'm there between 4 and 5 hours, craving the whole time. When it was over, I would immediately go across the street, waiting for my husband to pick me up, and smoke 2 cigarettes back-to-back. When I realized what was going on at about 11:00, I kept telling myself that it was all in my head. Didn't help a bit. The craving finally left at about 4:30 and now I'm fine.

 

Moral of the story, triggers can happen anytime, even when least expected. Be prepared always!!!

 

God Bless and have a good smoke free evening,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Checking in

Posted by constanceclum Aug 23, 2019

It's day 26, and each day I get more and more detached from smoking! I still have urges and thoughts, but it's become automatic to distract myself from them.

 

The tumor in my lung is small but growing and that indicates malignancy. I have a PET scan scheduled for next week. The Dr. says I'm complicated because of my immune deficiency and copd. Luckily we have a renowned cancer center here. Other than that, I put it in God's hands every morning then do my best to stay out of his way.

 

I'm leaving in about 5 minutes to have my monthly antibody infusion, but I wanted to wish all of you a glorious day!

 

God bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Clueless

Posted by constanceclum Aug 20, 2019

I would love to know how to post pictures and inspirational sayings but haven't a clue. Any help would be appreciated.

 

Connie

constanceclum

Good morning

Posted by constanceclum Aug 20, 2019

This 4th week of smoking is better. Empty chest feeling actually subsides quicker, and I'm able to get through them with deep breathing. My journey has taught me that each week gets easier.

 

I go to see the lung Dr. today about the suspicious nodule in my lung. I will keep you updated.

 

I finally got a good night sleep last night. That makes all the difference in my attitude! I got this lol.

 

Not being a slave to nicotine feels great!

 

God bless all of you,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Hanging in there

Posted by constanceclum Aug 18, 2019

I'm at the end of 3 weeks of freedom, and I am so grateful! But the past week seems the hardest. The craves are gone, but this persistent "empty" feeling in my chest is wearing my down. I am continuing to use all the tools I have been using

(i.e. deep breathing, constant fluids, staying busy and staying close to this site) and, whenever I think of smoking, I know that's not really what I want. It's not the answer to any problem, and I don't want to stop before the miracle. I just pray (and I'm also using prayer that I think is the real answer to all my problems) that next week will give me the break I needd before entering NML.

 

I've slept better the past 2 nights which is a vast improvement. And I've forced myself to slow down which is helping my mental health. I think I just need a boost from you Exer's to get the motivation and excitement flowing again.

 

Hope all of you are having a nice, relaxing, smoke-free w/e.

 

Connie

constanceclum

Learning Lesson

Posted by constanceclum Aug 16, 2019

This week, as far as my quit goes, has been like last week (heck week). I put off a lot of little (5 minute) things over the 2 weeks I spent mornings until 1:30 helping my friend while she was recovering from back surgery. This week has been a mad rush to take care of those "5 minute" things, many of which turned into an hour. Having COPD demands more self care and causes me to be slower that people my age who have healthy lungs. I do most of my responsibilities in the morning, At noon I go to an AA meeting. Afternoons are for the gym and Dr. appointments. Then some "chill" time, dinner and early to bed. I have been so busy in the mornings that I haven't had enough time to spend on here as I need, do my AA prayer and meditations or even use my nebulizer.  This rushing has caused me to be frazzled which increases my desire for a cigarette. I think partly because I never gave a second thought about taking that break, and my brain/body is telling me that I need that break

 

Well today is my mental health break, and it's going to be a slowed-down w/e, and next week there will be some changes. I plan on making a list each morning, prioritizing in order of importance with self care at the top and, whatever doesn't get done, goes on the next days list.

 

God bless each and everyone of you,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Through heck week

Posted by constanceclum Aug 12, 2019

And good riddance! All in all, I would say this has been a fairly easy quit compared to my past attempts. Acceptance is the answer. When you really reach that jumping off place, when you can feel yourself dying, when you know your only options are die soon or quit, the choice becomes quite easy.

 

I have stayed very busy. Not by choice, but I know it's helped. I'm ready for things to slow down as I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. When you have COPD, you spend a lot of time on self care. I spent the past couple of weeks helping my friend following her back surgery but, as it turned out, she helped me more that I helped her because it helped me quit smoking without too much pain. Now, the next couple of weeks are filled with Dr. appts, mammogram and getting this tooth pulled. I'm leaving on the 1st to spend a week with my son and daughter-in-law. They just found out she's pregnant so we're all excited about that.

 

I still have smoking thoughts, but I quickly focus on something else. I do not dwell on cigs. because it gives the nicodemon to much power. It's like I'll get in the car and I'll think it's time for a cigarette. I immediately think no, I don't do that anymore and focus on the song on the radio. That's the best advice I have-stay busy and keep focused on anything but smoking.

 

God bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Missing Pops

Posted by constanceclum Aug 11, 2019

I know he struggles as I have. Is he ok?

 

Connie

constanceclum

cravings vs. urges

Posted by constanceclum Aug 10, 2019

I feel like I have been to hell and back over the past 2 months. I'm not going to get into specifics but just 1 thing after the other. And not little issues like the mail being late. Health issues and watching my 33yr. old son going through emotional/mental hell.

 

My teeth are in awful shape. I was diagnosed with periodontal (gum) disease when I was 19. I didn't know then, but smoking is a huge contributor to that. I had already been smoking for 6 yrs. Well there was a long period of time. when I was a single mom of 4 that I didn't have dental insurance and was not able to take care of it, and I'm paying for it now. I still don't have dental insurance. Medicare doesn't provide for that. So I broke a back tooth yrs. ago, and it never bothered me so I didn't do anything about if. Well, it started hurting last week and Fri I woke up with it being infected. Horrible swelling and pain. I went to urgent care and got antibiotics, and I'm going to have it pulled next week. I've said all this to say that, with everything else that has happened over the past few months, I woke up today feeling like I had absolutely had it. Very agitated, and I had smoking "urges" all morning. No physical cravings, but I always used cigarettes to "comfort" me when I've been in distress, and I guess that was what I was longing for the morning. I now know the difference between cravings and urges.Last week, when I was going through the severe cravings of the 1st couple of days, there was not getting away from them. All I could do was the suggestions on here to stay busy and get through them. Today, with the urges, I was able to ignore them by staying busy. After a few hours, they were gone. Thank God!!!

 

God bless you all!!!

 

Connie

constanceclum

DAY 11

Posted by constanceclum Aug 8, 2019

YAY, I'm in double digits!!! Everyday I feel more and more detached from smoking and feel more and more like a nonsmoker.

 

God bless,

Connie

constanceclum

My day

Posted by constanceclum Aug 6, 2019

Today has just been mild cravings off and on. I have not had a lozenge so I believe it's time to give those up and just use regular mints in place of. I went back to the AA meeting at noon and, when it was over, exited to the porch where people were chatting and some were smoking. I use to be 1 of those smokers. Yesterday I blogged that it set off a huge craving for me that took hours to get over. Today it lost it's power. I'm choosing not to hang around, I'm not ready for that. But walking through and smelling the smoke did cause a mild craving that quickly went away.

 

One thing that is different with this quit is, from the start, even through the really tough days, when a smoking thought enters my brain, I refuse to dwell on it or allow it to become a deep thought. I have not had a "just 1" thought. As soon as the thought enters my brain, I make it exit as I move on to something else. In the past, I would dwell on the thought of how bad I felt during really tough craves and I would start to feel sorry for myself. That leads to the "just 1 thought. Then the mental battle begins and then my resolve and NOPE.

 

And I have a lot of periods of sadness. Dealing with these health issues and knowing I caused them. And 1 of my adult sons has been going through a horrible time the past couple of months, and I am so sad for him and all that he is going through. Why, when our adult children are hurting, do they become 5 again. I also had to quit (I won't go into reasons here) my bipolar depression med. a couple of mo. ago without a replacement.  I go back to the Dr. in 1&1/2 weeks to evaluate. I'm telling you all this, especially the newcomers, that I am doing this in spite of. That life doesn't stop because we choose to quit smoking but, one think I learned here is, smoking will not help anything and, in fact, makes things worse.

 

God bless,

 

Connie

constanceclum

Quick check in

Posted by constanceclum Aug 6, 2019

Getting ready to walk out the door. Feeling like a nonsmoker this morning. Still have the patch on but have had no need for a lozenge. So excited about that!

 

Connie on day 9

constanceclum

Heck Week

Posted by constanceclum Aug 5, 2019

That's right, hell week is over. This morning was quite a bit better. I went to an AA meeting this afternoon, and I thought I was mentally prepared, afterwards, to walk out on the porch where we have after meeting fellowship and the smokers light up. I use to be 1 of them. Even still, it was a huge trigger that wet off  a huge craving that wouldn't go away for a couple of hours. I put a lozenge in my mouth and left rather quickly. I still (at 4:20) feel a little shaky from it. And cranky lol. Hopefully, next time, it will be easier.

 

My goal this week is to be completely done with the lozenges by the end of the week. I've only had 2 so far today and might not any more today. At most I will have 1.

 

I'll be glad when this feeling out of sorts goes away. I guess a fish out of water is a good analogy.

 

Connie

I love getting up and getting on here. I normally would have smoked a half pack of cigarettes by now. Instead, I've been here reading blogs from other newcomers who I most relate too, but also the elders and the fun times they are having without smoking.

 

I slept good last night so I'm expecting today to be a good day! When I go to sleep tonight, hell week will be over. I'm starting to space those lozenges as the cravings are getting weaker. I think I had 4 yesterday and I also am using regular mints. I don't really have a hand/mouth issues as I play a facebook game as much as I want, and that seems to take care of that.

 

I read a blog today where the writer mentioned she no longer had craves but now has urges, and I realized that I don't really know the difference. I would appreciate it if someone could explain that to me.

 

I'm off to enjoy my day, God bless each and everyone of you!

 

Connie

constanceclum

Hey Everyone

Posted by constanceclum Aug 3, 2019

lol. I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to think of a catchy title, and, then I thought, how ridiculous is this. This quit continues to progress and I'm now on day 6. Still tough periods during the day mixed with easier periods and then periods where I'm actually in a good, silly mood. And, as I said in my 1st blog, Each day has felt, at times, like a week long, but now, looking back, it feels as if it has flown by.

 

I was planning on going to the gym this morning. With helping my friend, I haven't gone all week. But, after getting up and having my coffee, I realized that I didn't feel like rushing this morning. The gym closes at noon and it's 1/2 hour away. I've been rushing in the mornings all week to get to my friends house and, even though I don't mind at all, it kind of reminds me of when I worked which has been 10 yrs. ago. So I've been slowly going through my morning routine. I am going to go get a haircut though.

 

I haven't been sleeping well, and I am tired. I can't necessarily blame it on withdrawals as I frequently have bouts of insomnia, and I'm not a nap taker. I don't care how tired I am, if I try to take a nap, I just toss and turn.

 

I'm feeling confident about getting through this week and next, but I have a history at relapsing during the 3rd month-NML so I need to be EXtra prepared. I would love to have a few women's phone # if those that are willing will message me their numbers. I don't have much face-to-face support so maybe that would make the difference this time.

 

When I write or type anymore, I realize I no longer have any knowledge about how to use punctuation, and I also don't feel like re-learning it so, please bear with me.

 

God Bless each and everyone of you!

 

Connie

constanceclum

Getting Better

Posted by constanceclum Aug 2, 2019

Aw, but you guys knew it would. The cravings are less intense and I have frequent periods of feeling absolutely fine. The 1st 2 & 1/2 days I would have rated a 10 in intensity. Now I would say between a 4 & 5 with occasional increases. I'm thinking it's mostly psychological though as I'm using the patch and lozenges. I limit the lozenges to about 6/day as I do want to deal with cravings to get past them. Does anyone know if psychological cravings can manifest as physical sensations? My cravings are feelings of having a hole in my chest and fuzzy headedness.

 

I thought I would have the most problems while driving. I smoked in my car but not in my house. This week as I've been helping my friend, I've been driving her around in her car. She doesn't smoke so in all these yrs., I have never smoked in her car. Now I'm driving my car and not even thinking of smoking.

 

I am having some sleep problems. Waking up several times with some difficulty falling back to sleep. The good news is though, I am sleeping.

 

I use to eat junk food at night and I was about 20# overweight. I quit doing that over the winter and lost 16# Now I'm allowing myself something after dinner as a reward for not smoking all day so I might gain some weight back but that's ok. It's a lot easier giving up junk food than it is smoking.lol.

 

I still go to the gym. I'm not able to do a heavy duty workout because of copd but I spend about an hour there walking on the treadmill and the weight machines. I always feel better, and I'm hoping I'll be able to do more now that I'm an EX.

 

All in all, life is good!

 

God bless,

 

Connie