I came home early from my friends house, the 1 that had back surgery last week. She doesn't really need much help and I'm not really sure why she wants me there. I think mostly for company and, I think, security because of my nursing background. It's been helpful for me though during these early days of my quit. She just wanted to go back to bed today so I came back home.
My breathing continues to get better though I'm still aware of it. My O2 sats have gone from 93 to between 97&98. I'm thrilled about that!
I found out the results of my CT scan online. The suspicious nodule and recommended further testing. I don't see my Dr. for 3 more weeks so I called his office and asked that they go ahead and order the Pet scan so he would have those results prior to my appt. The nurse said he's on vacation this week but had noted that we would just wait for my appt. before going on to the next step. I might be fine physically to wait, but mentally, I don't want to keep waiting. I refuse to live my life in fear, but why does dealing with healthcare always have to be so frustrating?
I'm still dealing with withdrawal but today is a little better than the past 2 days have been. The persistent feeling of having a hole in my chest and the brain fog. And the irritability. I'm using a 21mg patch with lozenges for when it's too horrible to bear. I'm really trying to limit the lozenges. I'm using about 6/day. I'm going to try to not use them next week.
I see that there are others here that are in their first week of EX. I am rooting for all of you! Let's do this together to make this our forever quits. Whenever my addiction tries to talk me into "just 1". I will make sure to "run the tape all the way through" to how bad every cigarette I smoked made me feel over the past 2 mo. And you can use my deteriorating health to motivate you. I have tried to quit so many times over the past 5-6 yrs. But I've never made that 100% commitment, and I've always failed. Learn from me. Smoking will affect your health, and it will continue to get worse.
I've been spending my days with a friend who had back surgery last week. It's been helpful as she quit smoking some yrs. ago so it's comforting to be with someone that knows what I'm going through early in my quit even though I don't talk about it. I work at not even thinking about these withdrawal symptoms as much as I can. Her house, like mine, is very quiet and peaceful.
I'm not going to lie and say this isn't tough because it is. But I'm trying to keep it in perspective. This will be tough for about a week (the worst of it anyway). I am 61. I am at that age where a month goes by and it feels like a week lol. I know, in 5 days, I will look back on this week and it will seem like a blur.
The discomfort is pretty constant for me but again, perspective. It's not pain. How often in my life have I been uncomfortable or even in pain. To many times to count. And I survived all of them! And I have been so uncomfortable for the past 2 months from smoking with shortness of breath, constant chest tightness where I couldn't take a deep breath and the bronchial irritation from inflammation. My breathing is already better and, without the constant irritation from smoking, I can already take a deep breath. So the choice of which discomfort to deal with is an easy one. The withdrawal symptoms will go away. The symptoms from smoking will only get worse.
I got on here this morning before going over to my friends and when I read all of your comments to my blog, my eyes welled up with tears. I forgot how much like a family we really are here! The gratitude I have for this site and all of you well, there just aren't words for me to adequately express but I know that all you quitters know exactly what I feel.
Today is day 1 (soon to be won) I'm in a lot worse shape than the last time I posted here. This summer has been brutal here in NC and I have been absolutely miserable for 2 mo. with having a hard time breathing. This is the first summer that I have experienced this and I have decided that life is not worth living feeling like this. I also just had my second low dose CT scan on a lung nodule that shows the nodule has grown so is possibly malignant. Recommends further testing.
I think of all my past attempts at quitting and get so mad at myself! If only I had truly committed, I wouldn't be having to go through these withdrawals again. My copd wouldn't have worsened to this point. I probably wouldn't be struggling to breath. Even my immune deficiency, that I have to go for infusions for every mo. They have no idea what causes it, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if smoking contributed to it.
So I'm here again. I wouldn't think of quitting without EX. I don't know how I would get through hell week without you. Today has been hard, even with a patch and lozenges. I have that continuous feeling of a "hole" in my chest and fuzzy headedness. Also weak, anxious, shaky, and very tired. I believe though, that by typing this, it will lose some of it's power.
My friend quit 6 yrs. ago after she was diagnosed with lung cancer and had a lobectomy. Last yr. she had pneumonia 3 times and it's made her copd so much worse. She really struggles to breath. She's said a few times that she quit smoking too late. I told her "no, it's never too late". Now I'm telling myself that. Realistically, I probably will die of copd or maybe lung cancer but quitting has to improve quality of life which, right now, is very poor for me.