I've been sick since last night. Some stomach bug that's kept me home and near the bathroom. And I've realized something, Used cigarettes as comfort when I've been sick too. It's been nagging at me more all day.
All the things I've relied on smoking to help get me through and it's a type of lonliness learning to get through things without them Most days I've been staying busy, busy and then busier. I haven't felt like doing anything today except read blogs.
I'm whining and I know it. Smoking won't really help me feel better but time will. I'll make it!
For the most part I've been posting about positive things that are happening. That is because I am choosing to focus on the positive. But I don't want to fool anyone. This is not easy. I still have cravings, primarily in the morning. I just went through a 20 minute very strong crave with the lightheadedness and feeling like I just might die if I don't smoke. What I choose to focus on though is, how much better I feel most of the time. How much easier it is than 3 weeks ago and how much easier it will be in 3 weeks than it is now.
SINAO is what works best for me. Over 2 yrs. ago I had a pulmonologist tell me that I was looking at an early death if I kept smoking which I did. I used the same excuses that others use. I have bipolar depression with anxiety so it's impossible for me. I have too much financial stress. Well, it's 2 yrs. later and all that's happened is my copd has gotten worse and I've decided I want to live. I've learned to have joy in my life and enjoy every minute even when I'm going through withdrawal symptoms. Believe me, withdrawal symptoms are better than copd symptoms which I had for 6 weeks prior to my quit date. As soon as the heat and humidity hit NC I started with the wheezing and almost constant cough. Even prednisone and my nebulizer didn't help. Having to stay in on days with poor air quality. I don't choose to stay in now but I don't hang around outside either.
If your on the fence about quitting don't just choose life, choose quality of life.
I joined Planet Fitness this past Fall when I couldn't go to pulmonary rehab because of the cost. I didn't expect much from this 46 yr. smoker with advanced copd but, I had previously had some pulm rehab and wanted to just start very lightly and continue as I saw fit. I did some wt machines for arms/chest and treadmill at 1 miles/hour. I worked up to 1.8miles/hour but when I had lung surgery in Mar. I started completely over. I got back to 1.8 mi/hr. but, after not smoking for 20 days, yesterday and today, I am walking at 2 miles and doing 20# of 3 reps of chest machines and tolerating that very well. I think I'll plan my 1st marathon lol. Just kidding but, I'm feeling really good about my life right now and wanted to share.
I'm not blogging much because life has been pretty uneventful. Nothing to complain about and no excuses to smoke. Well, I do have 1. Scott left a long butt on the kitchen table (and no, he does not smoke in the house and I didn't either) so I moved it outside to the plant table. I don't know why I didn't think to tear it up but I'm gonna do that as soon as I get done here because, even though I don't want to smoke, I'm having stronger urges today and I have to protect my quit.
I'm making other changes too. For yrs. I have spent several hrs. in the morning watching politics. MSNBC. Later on in the day, I would watch several hours (not sit with my eyes glued to the tv but that's what would be on) I would watch the ID channel-1 true murder story after another. Then I wonder why I'm such a negative person. Well, I have taken that out of my life. I am watching happy shows and listening to Christian music. I also uninstalled the fb games I have been very addicted to and were taking up several hours of my day. I've not scrolled through fb in a very long time. When I do,it's mostly to see pics of my granddaughter in NY. I use to love reading but haven't read a book in a long time. This morning, before it got too hot, I sat out on my porch with a book and really enjoyed it. I just started with these changes this week but I have been feeling so much better mentally already!
I hope all of you are enjoying your day as much as I am! Now to go tear up that cig butt lol
I am feeling fantastic today. Both mentally and physically. I have 16 DOF and though I still have urges and trigger times, they're pretty mild and I know will go away eventually.
I have been coming here a couple of times a day to read but haven't blogged because things are pretty uneventful thank you Jesus. I go to Planet Fitness with a nonsmoking friend and AAmeetings. I do have several dr. appts and my IVIG infusion next week.Exercise certainly helps even though, because of copd, I do activity rather than exercise. I wish I would have done it during previous quit attempts because it really does help with the dopamine.
No craves. Just boredom. The digestive issues are not resolved and today I'm eating even less. I'm so miserable with this and I'm feeling like a prisoner. Thank God I see the Dr. tomorrow and I really hope she can help.
I did go for a short walk. It's very hot here and air quality is poor. I'm just watching tv and playing fb games. I have 2 that I can spend a lot of time with but, at 2 weeks, I want to feel better. I already take lactulose because I have a high ammonia level for whatever reason so I don't want to add meds without seeing the Dr. I did start taking a stool softener though but not helping! Ugghhh!
Anyway, I'm not really in a bad mood. I have a lot of joy over not smoking and not having craves and I fully intend to tolerate what I have to to stay smoke-free. I hope everyone here knows that, no matter what, it's not worth smoking over!
Barely any craves today and digestive issues are resolving themselves. No gas nor excessive bloating. Just a full feeling which, I'm grateful to say, keeps me from over-eating. I'm finally feeling the freedom I went to an AA meeting after gym. On the front porch were a few people smoking-most don't-and, normally I would have joined them. Today, I thought, why would I want to be our in this heat when I don't have too. So many benefits to not smoking!
Mentally today went really well. I did not feel tortured for 6 hours this morning. In fact, I went for fairly long periods without even thinking about smoking. When a thought did pop in my head, it was pretty easy to dismiss and move on to something else.
Physically it's a different story. The horrible gas is relieved fairly well with otc meds. After I eat breakfast, which is a light meal, I am so full, as if I ate a 5 course meal, all the way to dinner. I am not able to eat lunch. Then, after dinner, it's the same way and I am just miserable. I'm probably the only EX in the world whose appetite is almost nonexistent.
I'm seeing my Dr. on mon. for something unrelated and I'm really hoping she has some suggestions.
Other than that though, I'm really pleased with where I'm at in my quit. I am so grateful for this site and all of you for getting me here. I know there will still be rough spots but I feel more confident that I will be able to get through them. 3 times I have relapsed during NML while using the patch but I'm really hoping chantix will be of more help to me. It's more about the brain and dopamine while patches are more about the physical addiction.
Hope everyone is having a great, smoke-free day!!!
I'm ready for the 1st 6 hours of the day to get easier. Well, that's not entirely accurate. They are easier. I can understand mornings being worse-that's when I smoked the most but it seems to crawl at a snail's pace.
I know, I should be more grateful. All in all, it's so much easier than last week. And, when I can put it in perspective, I am grateful for having a choice to choose life. But impatience is one of my withdrawal symptoms. I will be so happy when I have 130 days won!
My 1st milestone and it feels important. Maybe because I know the worst of it is over. It's funny, Every minute of the last 10 days, no, not every minute but a good deal of them, felt like an hour but now, looking back, it seems like a blur.
I still struggle the 1st half of the day but then, late afternoon until bedtime is fine. Thank God!!! This would not be doable if not for the relief periods. It's so nice to come here and read blogs. Especially from other newbies knowing we're all in this together, that it's hard for all of us but we're making it! I don't blog until I'm not craving though because man, I have been in such a fog. There have been times when I didn't leave the house because I didn't feel it was safe to drive.
I know I've saved a lot of money already but not feeling it yet. I think because of that week I paid of chantix and then still smoked. I know, even with the chantix, I'll save at least $100.00/mo. That makes this tight wad very happy.
Thanks everyone for helping me break this addiction and making my day a little brighter!
Tomorrow starts double digits! Each day is getting easier as you all promise. I'm having digestive issues either from quitting or chantix. I'm going to try some OTC med and see if it helps. It's keeping me pretty uncomfortable.
I'm still irritable and impatient. But I also feel joy at the freedom and money saved. We don't make much financially and I am swamped with med/prescription bills so it's nice to not have to worry about money for cigs. I'm breathing much better-only use my inhaler before I go to the gym. And except for the occasional throat clearing, I barely have a cough. I was in terrible shape just a short week ago. For this I am truly grateful!
I hope I never forget how bad my copd was acting up when I still smoked or how hard this past week was. That's what I worry about. With the passage of time, I tend to minimize bad consequences. Hopefully, you guys won't let me forget.
Sure, the cravings are pretty strong but doable. No different than the millions of times I dealt with them as a smoker, on a daily basis since not being able to smoke inside public places. All the times at work waiting for a break. Recently, long wait times at Drs. office, eating out, etc... Smoking has robbed me from being able to fully enjoy things for 46 yrs. Now, I'm dtermined, it will not continue.
The 1st couple of times I attempted to quit, it was quite a bit easier. In fact I think that's why I made the decision to so back so hastily. I figured it would be just as easy the next time. The last week literally was the week from hell. On Fri., when I had so much dizziness and almost fell in a restruant, I thought I should go to the ER. I was wondering if dizziness was a side effect of nicotine withdrawal so I googled it and, though it's kind of rare, it can be.
Okay, I'm driving myself crazy cause I'm drawing a blank on restaraunt but I don't feel like looking it up. No matter how many different ways I try, it's wrong lol. It's been happening to me a lot lately.
Feeling a little better today and thanking God that I didn't smoke. I know the strength came from him!. Mornings are still hard-that's when I smoked the most and before breathing started to hurt. When my brain goes to how smoking will relieve these withdrawal symptoms, I run the tape all the way through to the symptoms smoking was causing.
The 1 good thing while we're going through this journey is, when we're going through the really tough times, knowing the next hour or day will be better. I keep that foremost in my brain.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I could not do this without you. In my medical records I am diagnosed as a severe nicotine addict and I know I could not do this on my own.
It's a little better now but all morning was worse than day 1 and 2 combined. periods of dizziness which is a rare side effect of nicotine withdrawal, and a few panic attacks where my chest felt tight. I so pray that next week is easier! I always used the patch before so even though I had withdrawal symptoms, they weren't so severe. No matter what though, I will not smoke!
That's right friends, 4 DOF. I did not want to say anything here until I had a few days under my belt. I have come here so often with my plan and, then, didn't even make it through day 1. The difference this time is I'm using chantix instead of the patch. I smoked so much with the patch on I think is stopped working for me.
I'm excited about the chantix. It helps with the mental aspects of this addiction but not the physical so this week has been an up and down struggle. I knew what to expect though and I'm just to cheap to waste that $60.00 co-pay I spent on the chantix lol. Seriously though, I had got myself sicker this summer with the NC humidity, than I've ever been before. I constantly felt as if I was breathing through a straw for about 6 wks and yet, I kept smoking. What a horrible addiction!
I'm just looking forward to getting through hell week and I'm glad to be back.