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2016
constanceclum

new quit date tomorrow

Posted by constanceclum Aug 30, 2016

Even though I earlier said no excuses, from the comments on my blog, I do want to explain what's been going. The past 2 weeks of not smoking was relatively easy. I really thought I had it licked.

What's been going on for about the past 6 weeks is I have been physically ill. I have this severe fatique. After I am up, everyday, for 8 hours I feel as if I've been up for at least 24 hours with fuzzy headedness, bad headaches and nausea. I was between Drs. The last Dr. who would not take me seriously and the one I tried but, after waiting an hour after my scheduled apt. time, I got up and left.

Today I saw a recommended Dr. He seemed concerned and really listened to me. I told him I wanted to see an endocrinologist because I have all the symptoms of a hypothyroid yet the tests always come back normal. He took a ton of blood but did say following those results, I could see a specialist who does more testing.

Anyway, I felt so worn down and beat up that when I did get those bad cravings that wouldn't go away, I smoked. Telling myself the whole time that "smoking would not help the problem and, in fact, will only make it worse.

This is not fatigue from depression because I have not felt depressed until Sun. Feeling so bad for so long has just really got me down. I did call my psychiatrists office to explain that I might have some increased depression symptoms because of the drop in dopamine and see if she wants to increase my latuda. She will be back in the office tomorrow.

Still feel like crap but hopeful and ready to get back on the horse!

Connie

constanceclum

ugghhh!!!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 30, 2016

New quit date set. No excuses. 8/31/16

Connie

constanceclum

The lies of nicodemon!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 28, 2016

Thank God for Marilyn and her constant preaching on vigilance. I had the worse mornng since I started this quit. I had put on my patch and had a lozenge in my mouth. I slept well last night. The craving was so powerful, it consumed my whole mind and body. The great lie of "just one" was in big, bright, red letters in my head. I was shaking so bad I couldn't even blog. I read some blogs and told myself to distract myself. Played 1 10 min. fb game and it started to lesson up to a doable level. I actually felt I would die from the craving if I didn't smoke. Nico was actually telling me I could have "just one" and go back to lozenges. How many times has that demon told me that and me, believing it, fell for it? Too many failures. Well I am proud to say I didn't give in and I lived through it.

Cravings don't kill us, Cigarettes do!

Connie

constanceclum

blahs today

Posted by constanceclum Aug 27, 2016

I'm extremely exhausted today. 3 nights of wearing the patch with the ongrowing crazy dreams has taken it's toll. I have to take them off at night like I was doing initially because this fatigue is increasing my craves. I got through that week and a half without using the patch at night, just had some difficult mornings, but I didn't smoke.

I'm gonna choose to say NOPE today but I know how being exhausted and feeling beat down can increase chances of relapse so I'm gonna make sure I get my rest. I still have lozenges but I'm trying to wean myself off them. It will be time to go down to 14 mg. patch in 2 weeks. I'm tired of being dependent on nicotine and I'm tired of using my precious small amount of money on nicotine products. Maybe I should choose quitting patches and using lozenges. Maybe I'm just over thinking all of this..

No matter what I will get through this day without smoking by coming here frequently to read blogs and you fellow EXer's will see me through.

Connie

constanceclum

Not about to give in

Posted by constanceclum Aug 26, 2016

not smoking over feeling sad and I do feel better. I am just gonna be gentle with myself. It hasn't been that long since I quit drinking-a little over 3 mo. ago.

I've lived too much of my life acting from feelings rather than my head which has got me in a lot of trouble. Taking the easier softer ways. This takes work and patience.

Act, don't react is my mantra for today.

Connie

constanceclum

Emotional

Posted by constanceclum Aug 26, 2016

I have been hit with a huge wave of depression today. I feel safe from smoking as I'm just having mild physical craves but I think I'm grieving over my old nasty best friend. With it I'm feeling angry. It just sort of came out of nowhere.

With not working I have a lack of companionship during the daytime and no car here to get out and do something. No girls to just call and chit chat as they work. I stay busy at home but maybe that's not enough. Hard to tell because I also have bipolar depression and my new psychiatrist has already said we might have to increase my latuda dosage.

I thought It help to come here and share how I am feeling and maybe see if some of you got depressed after quitting. How did you get through it? How long did it take to get through it?

Hoping all of you will have a great Friday!

Connie

constanceclum

misunderstanding

Posted by constanceclum Aug 25, 2016

Just want to clear up that I don't have grandkids in my life right now and yes, there will be plenty I can do with them when I have them. I just want to point out 1 more benefit of quitting while one is still healthy.

I do appreciate more than you will ever know your comments.

Connie

constanceclum

10 DOF

Posted by constanceclum Aug 25, 2016

I am officially in the DD club and couldn't be happier. I even need to pop in a nicotine lozenge when I woke up and put the patch on, waiting for the patch to start working. Time to start weaning off them. I had told myself I would only use them during the 1st 2 weeks of going through hell and heck weeks. I typically use 4-5 a day during high trigger times.

I feel a high sense of acceptance with this quit. I don't think realistically I'm going to live a normal life expectency with my advanced copd but I'll live a lot longer if I quit. I'm 58 and still want several more yrs. I won't have it if I keep smoking. I choose life.

For those who don't yet have copd or have mild copd, you don't want to get like me. I get winded with very light exertion. I will be on inhalers and oxygen at night for the rest of my life. I will never play with grandchildren like I would like to. Don't get me wrong though, there is still a lot I can do and enjoy which is why I want to live but stop smoking while you still have your good health. Let me be an example of what you don't want to happen.

I know everyone is carrying a heavy heart today with the passing of Betty. Have peace that she is urging us on saying NOPE to each and everyone of us. She fulfilled her purpose here by helping so many to quit smoking and "God called another angel home"

Love to all of you for helping me to save my life

Connie

constanceclum

9 DOF

Posted by constanceclum Aug 24, 2016

I can't tell you how much it helps to get on this site and read blogs instead of smoking. I was 1 one those that smoked within 5 minutes of waking up. I was so dependent on those morning cigs with my coffee to get through being a babbling idiot.

I wasn't prepared this morning with my coffee. I've been "preparing" it the night before so all I have to do when I get up is "start" it. I turned it on this morning, waited, went to get that first cup and realized I hadn't prepared it last night. Ggrrrooowwwllllll! That's what happens when we're not prepared for our quits. We are unsettled and likely to give in.

At this point, I choose to have a good, smoke-free day for, after all, we can always choose to start our day over!

Connie

constanceclum

8 DOF

Posted by constanceclum Aug 23, 2016

It's been rough, real rough at times. Thankfully not 24/7. It is getting easier. A little tough in the mornings. What has amazed me most is how fast that 8 days flew by. If only everyone, including me in the past, could realize how doable this is. 

Cravings pass. They never kill us unlike the alternative. As long as I get busy with something when a crave starts, it passes without me ever being conscious of it!

Scott called me this morning just to tell me how proud he is of me. Sun. was my 3mo. AA birthday. I am feeling so much better. My head is clear and I do want to shout from the roof. However I think my days of climbing to the roof are over.

.I am using patches. I haven't decided if I'll quit using them in 2 mo. or go ahead and use them through NML. I'll see how it's going when that time comes because I will be on the 7mg patch and it kind of seems like why waste the money.

I am wishing everyone a great smoke-free day. I am choosing to enjoy my blessings including all of you.

Connie

constanceclum

One week Won!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 22, 2016

Today is the first day I have felt human. Not so exhausted and more clear headed/ I'm working now on quitting the lozenges. I've only been using 4-5/day but it's with the patch to get through the trigger times like after meals and in the morning. Also in the morning while I wait for the patch to start working. I haven't had one this morning as the cravings were pretty mild and I don't want to just switch addictions. It scares me because I like the way they taste.

I am so sorry to hear about your good friend Betty. It's devistating news! Of course I feel bad for her, we always hope (I would imagine) after we quit smoking, that we won't be affected with a smoking related disease or pass on because of one. But my heart really goes out to all of you that know and love her. I'm thinking I would like to dedicate my quit to her. It will keep me more accountable and also honor her contribution to EX.

In AA we frequently know people who die from the addiction. It is said that some die so others can live. I feel certain that Betty's contributions have helped many people conquer their nicotine addiction.

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn because I really didn't get to know her and I am praying for a miracle for her. We know that miracles occur all the time but my heart is breaking for all of you.

Connie

constanceclum

Day 7

Posted by constanceclum Aug 21, 2016

After today I will have 1 weeks smoke free. I have to admit it has been a fast week even with the struggles. It's all about the obsession and I guess what people call "throat craves" even though they seem to be more in my upper chest (bronchials)

I have a busy day planned, shower, church, grocery shopping, AA meeting then a retail store which I'm embarrassed to name because I really want to boycott that store but where I live it's what's available. Tee Hee!

I have to keep starting over with my crochet project for not really knowing what I am doing. I am "releaning" something and it's like relearning how to not smoke. It's awkward, uncomfortable I feel like my hadns are on the wrong arms but I know from you guys that it will get better. My Big Book in AA mentions something along the lines of "trudging toward happy destiny" and I know that's what I'm doing with smoking as well.

Praying all of you have a calm smoke free Sunday.

Connie

I had some of all that delicious food and now I'm stuffed!!

Feeling more normal today but still tired in spite of getting lots of sleep. Don't know if it's from not smoking or I need some labs done. I'll be glad to get this Dr. issue taken care of. It's only day 5 and maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. I'm glad there isn't 1 here right now because I would probably smoke it. I feel like I'm screaming for one but I know it will pass and I've already taken my pledge so I will continue to say NOPE and get on here to read blogs frequently. I know one will just bring on a thousand and who knows when I would make it back or even if I would at all.

Hoping you all have a calm smoke-free day!

Connie

constanceclum

New Dr.

Posted by constanceclum Aug 18, 2016

After moving to Mount Holly NC I had to find a new Dr. I wasn't happy with the 1st one I picked-he wasn't following up on things that I thought were important like my CT scan for my L lung nodule and had my prescriptions all screwed up at the pharmacy. Now I have been dealing with high blood pressure since the Spring. He put me on one med that isn't working, it's about to expire but my next apt. isn't til Oct. So today I went to see a different Dr. After waiting 1 hour after my scheduled apt., I got up and left. Now I'm getting ready to see another Dr. and hope he will be better than the first 2. My Dr. I saw in Charlotte for 10 yrs. was awesome and I'm not use to dealing with this crap.

Oh well no need to smoke over it!

Connie

constanceclum

Good morning everyone!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 18, 2016

Today is starting out better. Not so much fatigue. I hope it stays that way as I start day 4. I do like the fact that, while quitting, some periods of time are better than others. Again God doing for us what we can't do for ourselves. I don't know if I could do this if every single moment was miserable. Of course the patch helps and the occasional lozenge. I am using between 3 and 5/day and I plan off getting off them when I run out. The patches I will wear for 10 weeks. I have 6 weeks of 21mg. and then I will start weaning off.

I smoked for 45 yrs. and I will give myself time to get over it. It just makes me so happy to not be smoking at all because, for me, the psychological addiction is much tougher.

I almost forgot, I went outside yesterday to put food/water down for my cats as well as the strays (my cats also have food/water inside) and my husband had left a whole cig on the plant table. I didn't rip it up AND I didn't smoke it. When he came home from work I reminded him to not do that again or I will tear it up. I learned though that I will be tested and I can say "I don't do that anymore".

I hope everyone has a great smoke-free day!

Connie

constanceclum

feel like crap!!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 17, 2016

Even after all that sleep last night, I have been totally drained today. I can't wait to go back to sleep tonight and get this day over with.

The only real bad time I had today was at the laundromat (sp?) I usually chain smoke while I'm their so it was torture but I made it. I keep thinking about the times I "make it through" and it's a real confidence booster!

Just thought I'd check in and read blogs while dinner is cooking.

Connie

constanceclum

Day 3

Posted by constanceclum Aug 17, 2016

Yesterday was a little easier. Thank God these 1st few days aren't horrible every minute!

I am finding I haven't had my 800mg ibuprophen headache in the mornings like I've had every day since last fall. Now that I think about it, it was probably about the time I started smoking again.

I was so tired when I got up this morning at 8. I came immediately to EX to read blogs and I couldn't hold my eyes open so I went back to bed and slept to 10. Getting this nicotine out of my body can be exhausting. I truly believe in Marilyn's HALT. We use that all the time coming in to AA and it's very important for quitting smoking as well.

I am doing what I'm suppose to which is everything you guys suggest and finding it doable. Reaching for the 7 day milestone. If I break it up in short goals, they're easier to reach.

Hoping everyone has a great smoke free day!

Connie

constanceclum

Day won!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 16, 2016

I'm 1/3 of the way to having most of the nicotine out of my system!

I did better than expected yesterday until 12:00 Then it was very difficult until 6:30. I was exhausted, nauseated and felt like my whole body was shaking. Then it was better until bedtime. This was a little backwards for me as My usual most difficult time is in the mornning.

This afternoon is an AA meeting, lunch with the girls and a therapy session. Another meeting tonight. None of the girls smoke. I'll be too busy to even think of smoking. Crocheting in between. I learned yesterday while starting to crochet that I'm not as coordinated as I used to be. I already feel like I'm wearing my hands on the wrong arms lol.

I'me sure I'll check in later. Hope everyone has a great smoke free day as I say N.O.P.E. a gagillion times.

Connie

constanceclum

13 hour

Posted by constanceclum Aug 15, 2016

It was okay until about noon (after lunch but my 1st meal of the day) Then a big crave that wouldn't go away so I got a lozenge. Still shakey but prepared for them. I'm going from one activity to another hoping this day will pass quickly and I will have won day.

Thanks for all the encouraging comments. You are all in my mind every minute today. Knowing that you have gone exactly what I'm going through keeps me aware that if you succeeded, I can as well.

Much love,

Connie

constanceclum

I am now a fellow EXer!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 15, 2016

I've been up about an hour and it's no worse than I expected. Maybe a llittle better because I came here with an attitude of calmness. And I am as fully prepared as 1 can be.

Thanks for links to what I can do during craves. I don't know why I was thinking 1,000 but 100 is plenty.

I slept with a patch on last night but I don't plan on doing that again. My dreams use to be pleasant but they were quite disturbing last night. Maybe because of the psych meds I'm on.

I know, without a doubt, I could never do this without you guys!

Connie 

constanceclum

Hello again

Posted by constanceclum Aug 14, 2016

Can someone provide me the link to a thousand things to do during craves? I can't find it.

Connie

constanceclum

last day smoking

Posted by constanceclum Aug 14, 2016

Tommorow is my big day. I'm not dwelling on it. Tonight I will put on a patch, deal with dreams, so I will have nic. in my body when I wake up. After a few nights of those ridiculous dreans I will start putting the patch on in the am and take it off at bed time. The quitline coach suggested getting up 1/2 hour early and putting on the patch and then going back to bed to allow it to get in my system. We'll see. It's hard for me to imagine going back to bed after I'm up.

Oh well, However it works, it WILL WORK. I have everything I need s well as determination!

Carry on soldiers!

Connie

constanceclum

God doing for me

Posted by constanceclum Aug 13, 2016

I am feeling more and more short of breath trying to smoke in this NC heat and humidity. I believe it's God building up in me that now is the time. There is no better incentive than not being able to breath/

The blogs have been great and I love the encouraging comments on my blogs. Friends here are the best friends for support.

My plan Mon. morning is wake up and directly in the shower. Usually, since I haven't worked for yrs. is lounge around in jammies for a few hours, drinking coffee and smoking. That simply will not work for me. Pray that I don't drown in the shower because I've become pretty dysfunctional in the morning lol.

I know I will be on here frequently next week in between crocheting and cleaning, doing AA step work and meetings. Luckily there are less and less people smoking at meetings. They mostly vape and that is not a trigger for me. I simply get nothing out of it.

I am hoping you all have a great no need to smoke weekend. Love all of you.

Connie

Mostly I'm getting on here to read blogs and comment when it's appropriate. Getting in with the "in crowd".

Still feeling pretty detached about Mon. I think that's a good thing, not being full of fear. I am so ready for this, my final and forever quit. I'm also gonna use some AA concepts like "powerless and unmanagability" Having a Higher Power (I choose to call him God) and, eventually, helping others.

Hope all of you have a great smoke free day!

Connie

constanceclum

time is flying by

Posted by constanceclum Aug 11, 2016

As it always does. I will try to stay focused on this during my quit. Just over 4 mo. to Christmas and that time always flies. I will be through NML by then. A good thought.

Mon. is 3 days away and I am not feeling any fear like I was. I think I just have a feeling of acceptance. God doing for me what I can't do for myself. My mind knows I can do this with the help of you guys and God! I can never waiver in that belief.

I love the inspirational blogs here but I also love when people are so comfortable in their quits, they start blogging about their day to day lives and families, etc... It makes me feel I know you better! It seems easier to accept your suggestions when I feel I know you and when I can put faces to you.

All of you are in my heart all the time!

Connie

constanceclum

dilemma gone

Posted by constanceclum Aug 9, 2016

I just got done reading the comments on my blog and I am sticking with my original quit date of 8/15. I have some lozenges to start and maybe the mail will work in my favor. I trust you guys with my quit more than professionals. Professionals do not help people quit drinking even though they can offer suggestions. People get sober by going to meetings with other alcoholics who have successfully quit drinking and then share how they have done it. EX works the same way. Professionals do not tell me how to quit drinking or smoking except to get support. I trust you guys and the ones that have been supporting me since I first started using this site are suggesting I quit on 8/15 so that is what I'll do. God will give my guidance and wisdom and you will give me strength and I have the tools.

Love to all of you that tell it like it is.

Connie

constanceclum

Have a dilemma

Posted by constanceclum Aug 9, 2016

I finally talked to my quit coach at quitline nc yesterday and she suggested I put off my quit date until 8/22 to give enough time to get their materials including 1 mo. of free patches. I think it's a good idea as this mo. is car registration and taxes and money is short but I wanted it lay it out there to see what you guys think.

I don't think I'm just wanting to "hang on" to cigs. I've have fully accepted that if I don't quit, I will not live and I've decided I want to live. Since I've become active member in AA, meeting incredible women and took my intensive hospitalization for my bipolar depression and am on new medication and also seeing a therapist, I have joy in my life for the first time in many yrs.

EX is my primary source for quitting, but I also want to use quitline so what do ya'll think?

Connie

constanceclum

Life is good!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 8, 2016

1 week until my quit date! I am very excited but that fear of failure is rearing it's ugly head. I feel awaful these days from smoking outside in the NC high heat and humidity-very short of breath. I'm so tired of all the negatives of smoking, $360.00/mo spent between my husband and I.

God and AA have given me the strength I need to quit drinking. He, with the help of EX will give my the strength I need to quit smoking. 

I am loving reading the blogs of people fairly new in their quits and are succeeding! Just after a few bad days. From experience, I know it's easier after I get through 5 days. I think about the fact that this summer has flown by. I know, as Dale suggests. The 1st 4 mo. will fly by. Just a little over 4 mo. is Christmas. That time always flies by for me.

We don't smoke in the house so I will not be exposed to my husbands smoking this time. That will help.

I bought some crochet materials to help. I learned to crochet as a teenager from my grandmother. My new hobby for my quit. I'm looking forward to that too. Being constructive instead of destructive.

I know I couldn't do this without you EXer's as much as I know I can't quit drinking without AA so thank all of you so much for being here!

Connie

It's a little late in the day but I wanted to blog about how I changed my mind with how to handle this quit. I gave my vape/juice away and am not using NRTs. I'm going to just wait for my quit date and just quit using patches. I will say I miscalculated my quit date. I wanted 2 weeks to catch up on readings, get encouragement from you guts and make sure I'm as motivated as I can be. When I set my quit date, I guess I was a week behind in my brain so it is reset for 8/15. I know I do know the drill as Dale said but originally I wasn't planning on quitting, just switching to vape. I made the quit decision in a NY minute so I'm giving myself the 2 weeks that most of us seem to do. I will admit I can't wait for the day and start feeling better so I am determined. I have so many good/valid reasons to quit and not 1 reason to smoke.

I'm looking forward to reading your blogs daily and someday being able to help others. Enough is enough!!!

Connie

constanceclum

Good morning everyone!

Posted by constanceclum Aug 2, 2016

Reading blogs and comments on my blog. Their is much research on using NRT's while cutting down on cigs and is endorsed by many including the American Cancer Society. It is not advertized as it is not FDA approved. I will admit that, while using other forms of nicotine, I really just want a cigarette. I especially find very little relief from vaping so I seldom use it. What is happening is I use about 2 lozenges/day, 2 pulls off the E-cig about 10 times/day and about 8 cigs. I am experiencing the mental craves and some physical craves but I'm getting use to distracting myself instead of smoking and going through the educational materials suggested on this site.

I am really excited to be off all of it. I am so glad to see the newcomers and former members that are coming back. I love reading your blogs and the elder's comments. Mostly I just really appreciate this site and the ongoing support, motivation and encouragement.

Have a wonderful day and try to stay cool. We are suffering in NC but Fall will be here soon.

Connie

constanceclum

Quit date

Posted by constanceclum Aug 1, 2016

I have read some very good advice on my last blog but want to clarify some things. I have used this site in attempts to quit before and love all the education and suggestions. I am choosing now to smoke a little, vape a very little and use some lozenges ea. day. My pulmonologist a couple of yrs. ago suggested this using the patch but not vaping. Last yr. I took a class that was based out of a study at Duke University conducted by a Dr. in smoking cessation. It taught us to use the patch while smoking for 1 week, then quit smoking using the patch/lozenges. I found that to be quite comfortable. The Duke study showed no detrimental effects and since I'm quite a heavy smoker I feel comfortable with this while I take the time to do the readings. I'm not recommending this for others. I think people should follow the advice by our elders. I might move up my quit date but right now I need an educational refresher.

The problem with 2 weeks of preparation, cutting back on cigs while using vape (which I don't enjoy so don't use it very much) and lozenges, is it prolongs the suffering. I am not using anything often while I get use to distracting myself through craves. I know this prep time is important for me to re-educate myself but I think I will be grateful when 8/8 gets here. I will continue to use something to make the physical craves easier as I get over my gihugical mental addiction but hopefully not for long. My goal is to have anything to do with nicotine a long lost memory. Luckily, I have very little stress these days and am a very happy, sober member of AA. Many of them do not smoke but vape instead. Vaping does not satisfy anything for me other than providing a little nicotine.

I want to thank every elder that continues to take time out of their busy lives to help us newcomers. It is so good to see your familiar faces and read your words of wisdom here. This wouldn't be a site for us to come to without you.

Hoping for a great day for all of you!