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2015

My dad's mantra while I was growing up and I still follow it. I had a huge crave today. So bad I was nervous in the shower. I put on a patch and 2 hours later it was still strong. I took a lozenger and it started to diminish.

I don't know if I would have had that bad of a craving if I had the patch on, but I don't want to take any chances with this quit so I will take the patches as reccomended. I just detest spending any money on anything nicotine related. But I hate smoking even more.

Connie

I have slept really well the past 2 nights. Sunday I realized that I had been drinking coffee in the afternoon. I guess to kind of take the place of alcohol. I didn't think it would hurt because I drink 1/2 decaf. but I think caffiene is still a stimulant. I'm a little dense sometimes and it gets worse with the fog of withdrawals.

I forgot to change my patch yesterday morning and didn't realize it until the evening. Since I had been feeling fairly well I decided not to put a new one on. I'm feeling pretty good this morning so I'm not going to put another one on unless I feel it's necessary. I have felt that these particular patches have been defective for most of last week and this reinforces that. If so I am happy about it. I am anxious to get all nicotine out of my body. I also have lozenges in case of an emergency but I don't think I'll need them.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday. 

Connie

constanceclum

day 8

Posted by constanceclum Jun 29, 2015

Can it be true? Is hell week finally over? I have to admit that I haven't had severe cravings in the past few days. Now it's the obsession. I treasure the few minutes here and there when I am so focused on something that I am not thinking of the evil things. I know the future brings longer periods of time when I won't think of them and that is what I tell myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I always thought of cigs when I was smoking too. I either wanted one, was smoking one or had just put one out. I need to remind myself that that was over-whelming.

I have ate a huge amount of sweets the past week. I allowed myself to do that for the 1st week because I have had such a huge craving for sugary things. I think that has more to do with quitting my dailing drinking than cigs. I just knew I had gained 5#. I got on the scale this morning as my week is up and now I am determined to eat healthy and I had actually lost a #. God is good. 

I learn something new or am reminded of something I had forgot every time I get on this site and read blogs. That is why it is so important to get on here every day @ least once. Plus I am so impressed about how so many of our elders have maintained their quits through the worst of circumstances. Over and above the discomfort of quitting. I do tell myself if you guys can quit forever than I certainly can too.

Have a great day my EX family!

Connie

constanceclum

insomnia

Posted by constanceclum Jun 27, 2015

The last few nights have been horrible and that is a trigger for me. I have mild sleeping pills but, when my insomnia is bad, they don't work. I don't want anything stronger. In the past, when I couldn't sleep and my anxiety would build, I would get up and smoke to relax.

I'm really thinking there is something wrong with the patches I'm using. I'm just not getting my usual relief. They're not expired but I got up about 4:30 this morning (after 2 and 1/2 hrs. of sleep) to go on what was supposed to be a day trip on the Blue Ridge parkway with my husband. We haven't done anything for yrs. while we were drinking and now the boredom is settling in. It hasn't rained here since the beginning of May and, wouldn't you know it, they called severe thunderstorms today. We took a shorter trip outside of Charlotte through the old mill towns, about 2 hours, had breakfast and then returned. It's so nice to get out of this rat race for a little bit. Anyway, I was supposed to change my patch this morning but, when we got home, I was so sleepy I took a nap. I was able to sleep for a couple of hours. Now it is about 5 hours after I should have changed my patch but I'm really not feeling any different. Fairly easy day as far as cravings go. If anything changes I will put on a new patch but, for now, I'm just going to see how things go. I also have lozenges for emergencies.

I hope everyone is having a good smoke-free weekend!

Connie

constanceclum

boy can I be an idiot

Posted by constanceclum Jun 26, 2015

Today is day 5 for me. I have not been on here since day 2 because I thought the site wasn't working. Everytime I went to community I was told "We are having problems, don't smoke though, we will be working shortly". Finally today I thought to go to some friend's pages and realized that you guys were blogging all along. Finally, thanks to Guilia, I found out the problem was my computer and I was able to fix it.

I have made some discoveries along the way. I really don't think that the 3 weeks I spent cutting down on cigarettes helped at all. I will never understand the dynamics of quitting smoking. Day 1 and 3 were horrible all day long even though I kept telling myself I don't do that anymore and I'm a happy quitter. Days 2 and 4 were relatively easy. This morning was hard but this afternoon is much better. I am wearing a 21 mg patch but I am not convinced it is helping much.

Even though I was not able to get on here to read blogs I knew all the things you would tell me because I have been reading your blogs for over 2 yrs. now. I know that smoking just 1 will not work and will not help anything. NOPE is ingrained in my being. Plus I am sure some of you were praying otherwise I think I would have broke down at certain times.

I am more than half way through hell week. I just focus on that.

Love and hugs to all of you

Connie

constanceclum

day 2

Posted by constanceclum Jun 23, 2015

Much better than yesterday which is unusual for me. Usually day 2 is the hardest. I had 1 big, massive crave yesterday that lasted all day. I kept telling myself "I don't do that anymore and I am happy about that" A little brainwashing? Maybe, but I let big T and society brainwash me all my life so it's okay to brainwash myself a little bit. Today is going well. I think of a cig often but I really don't want one.

I'm having trouble blogging. I've been trying since early morning. Every time I go to write a blog, yesterday's blog showed up. I deleted the blog, went to write a blog and, still, yesterdays blog showed up. I finally just erased it to give me room to type and am hoping it publishes.

Thanks to all who is encouraging and supporting. This really is the best site for support and education.

Connie

constanceclum

Hello everyone

Posted by constanceclum Jun 11, 2015

I haven't written a blog in a long time because, I had nothing new to say. I have been on here everyday reading blogs though. I knew I wouldn't be able to quit smoking if I kept drinking and I was really struggling with that so I went to detox for 5 days. Couldn't smoke and that would have been the perfect time to quit smoking as well but I lit up as soon as I got in the car. WHAT IS  WRONG WITH ME????? I missed my smoking cessation class so I'm not going to worry about that at this time. I have cut down to about 1/2 pack/day (from 2 packs/day). I'm smoking 1/2 cig at a time and writing them down. My new quit day is 6/22. I also need to re-establish myself in mental health. I started back on my meds in detox but all that drinking and being off my meds has put me in a depression. In the meantime I will do the readings and stick with reading blogs. When I get down to 6 cigs/day I will quit if that's before 6/22.

Looking forward to getting back on the train!

Connie