Thank all of you who responded to my blog. Such kind words, prayers, virtual hugs. All of you have helped me have a better perspective today. Yesterday was hard because, even though I talked to my sons, I have not seen them for years. All holidays are hard without family. Both my parents have passed and I do not have siblings. Add alcohol and being off my meds to the mix and I can get on a huge pity pot. I promise, no more blogs until I make some positive changes in my life. Back to AA and mental health and quitting smoking in June with my smoking cessation class. The whole class quits together on the same day-the day of the 2nd class. I will get on here everyday to read blogs and re-read the educational materials and work again at cutting down on cigs.
I am really resenting that at 56 I have the severity of copd that I do. In my pulmonary rehab class, most of the people are in their 70's. Why can't I enjoy 20 more yrs. of smoking before I get this sick. I actually feel bitter. I have suffered a lifetime of depression and anxiety, my kids all live out of site and I live with a drinking smoking husband. I love him dearly and won't leave him. I am drinking too because it works better than any of the psychotropics I have been on in the past 25 yrs. in stabilizing my moods. I know the chances of my quitting smoking while drinking are pretty much zilch but I don't feel like I want to give up the alcohol. This is the reason I feel like I'm a hard case right now Dale, not my age or length of smoking. Someone should really try to live in someone elses shoes before they judge. This is me, being honest and I would appreciate any help, but not tough talk. Other people with other addictions and mental illness would be appreciated. I still plan to go to my smoking cessation classes but I want to know, is there anyone out there, in there 50s that has the severity of copd. that I do.
I'm just not that creative. I regret to say that I did not go to my smoking cessation class last night. I had a headache all day, then had to take my cat for an emergancy vet apt for her severe allergies. That cost $200.00 which we did not have so we are broke for a week. I do not suffer from migraines but by the time we got home, I think my headache was comporable to a migraine. My head hurt so bad I thought I was going to throw-up. My class now starts on 6/2 and I think I'm going to restart my pulmonary rehab after that. I am increasing my resistance, time and speed on the machines but it doesn't really seem to help in my day to day life. I think I will do better once I quit smoking. Double edge sword, smoking is making me too sick to do anything so I need to stop smoking, but I can't until I do the things I need to do. Anyway, I still feel optimistic, just putting it off for 3 more weeks. I expect to get some slack for this but I will continue to take what I need from all of you and ignore the rest.