I wrote a previous blog but it turned out be way to long. The simple fact is I have been both drinking and smoking. I had just picked up my 6 mo. chip in AA last Fri. It seems like as soon as I get comfortable with 1 anxiety provoker another one comes along. I really have accepted 100% that if I want to live I have to quit smoking and if I want to quit smoking I cannot drink.
I have been watching my best friend since childhood mentally spiral out of control for the past mo. or so. The whold process of events has been much longer and I could write if I had the energy. On Mar 19 she was declared missing by the police. I knew she would never leave her pets and I convinced myself she was dead. Mar. 19 was also my Dad's 1st birthday. since he committed suicide last April. I was so devestated I did what I always do drank and smoked. Eventually my friend turned up @ her house and I had to go to the magistrates office to have her committed. She's talked to me a few times but now thinks I'm part of the conspiracy theory and does not want me to call her. I'm very broken hearted over this but I'm working on gettin my sanity back.
I will go to an AA meeting and I will post a new quit date on here. I want to thank everyone for leaving messages. I thought of you guys everyday and didn't want you to worry. I've been up to my eyebrows with this and also to find someone to take care of the dog
Love you all