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constanceclum Blog

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I'm so excited

Posted by constanceclum Oct 26, 2020

I just can't hide it. I have tried to quit smoking on my own for for 4 months and I have. Been a dismal failure. I'm back with my EX family where I belong!


I know it won't be easy ,but I will be so glad to have my freedom back. Freedom from low oxygen levels and shortness of breath. I have to wear my oxygen whenever I exert myself, freedom from the expense, freedom of kids being proud of me again, freedom from the embarrassment and smells of smoking, and freedom to go to the gym again. I'm excited to come back here again to take the pledge and seeing how my friends are doing. Also getting the inspiration and encouragement from the elders.


I pray that we all have a glorious smoke free day!




i'm an idiot!

Posted by constanceclum Oct 23, 2020

Yes, after almost 11 months of freedom, I picked up a cigarette and now it's 4 months. I've also been trying to quit for 4months. I'm not going to waste time with excuses. I will mention what I did wrong. I didn't guard my quit by staying here. I know if I don't go to AA meetings, I will drink. It's the same here. I need to come here everyday for support and encouragement at first. Then I need to come here to help newbie stand to get reminded how awful smoking really is!


Then my husband started smoking again, and we kept trying (and failing) together. One of us would pull the other one down. So now this is my quit and hopefully he will follow.


My quit date is Mon. Please pray for me!



I feel so good today I almost can't stand it!!! Recovery is wonderful whether it's from an addiction or pneumonia.


10months of freedom!!!

Posted by constanceclum May 29, 2020

9,169 cigarettes not smoked. $1500.00 saved!!! I never in my life believed I would see this day. Initially it was hard not to smoke but between 4 & 5 months I stopped thinking about it and consequently, stopped coming here. 


I wish I could say I quit smoking and my health miraculously improved. I sometimes wonder if I waited to long. I have a2nd growth in my lung the exact spot as the one they removed 2 yrs. who which was benign. They can't biopsy because it's right on my aorta. They can't do the wedge surgery because of the severity of my copd. So on 6/8 I'm going to Duke, and I'm very grateful to have that opportunity. The problem with it even if it's benign is it's growing.



So in March I had a bad case of pneumonia, I no sooner got over that, and I was hospitalized with respiratory failure from bronchitis, and last week I was diagnosed with pneumonia again. I am using oxygen full time except when I'm up but sitting still.


I am not saying any of this for pity. I am telling you this so you will no what might be your future if you keep smoking. I am 61. I have grandbabies and 1 due in Nov.  I probably tried to quit 10 times before, with the help of EX, I finally succeeded. Don't be like me where you'll have to wonder if you waited to long.




Hey everyone!!

Posted by constanceclum May 11, 2020

I truly hope all you amazing moms had a wonderful day yesterday.


I have changed my tactic with dealing with these quarantine cravings. Since I quit last July, I have always given the glory to God. I had attempted too many quits and never had the strength to overcome the horrific cravings of the 1st couple of months. It was just as horrible this last time but I could actually feel our Lord "rising" me above them. So lately cravings have returned a few times a day. Sometimes harsh and can last awhile. Lately I've been learning to thank God for adversity as it brings me closer to him. So I thank him for each cravings and decided to be grateful because each of these cravings mean I no longer smoke, and I can trust God's strength to get me through the tougher times. The cravings have actually diminished in time and strength.


God bless all of you  and especially those of you who are struggling,




EX is so helpful!!!

Posted by constanceclum May 9, 2020

Blogging yesterday and reading your comments has definitely helped. Plus I have started going back to AS meetings. I feel safe there because the majority of AAers around here are doing zoom meetings so the face-to-face meetings are small. It really lifts my spirit to see old friends and also talk with my old friends here.

I need to keep this short as I'm really exhausted today from not sleeping well.                                                                               God Bless...Connie

So it's been over 9 months since I quit smoking, and after those first 3 months, it's been smooth sailing-until a couple of weeks ago. I have for almost 100% of the time, stayed home. I am high-risk with both cold and immune deficiency. I also have bipolar depression, and isolating is the worst thing for it. So while most of the time I'm not even thinking of cigarettes, about 3-4 times a day I get nasty cravings that scare the carp out of me. 


so I decided I need to come back here on a daily basis.


Hello Everyone

Posted by constanceclum Feb 12, 2020

I know it's been awhile since I checked in. My computer bit the dust, and all I have is this cheap tablet, and it's a real challenge to type on.

I have been free from smoking for 6 months and 15 days. $960.00 saved. My husband has been quite for over 3 months.


In case you're wondering what it's like for a 61 year old women who smoked for 47 years and free for 6 months, I experience the urge for a puff 3-4 times a day. Before the thought fully formulates in my brain, I am already taking a deep breath, and by the time I fully exhale, the urge is gone.


Me, I never imagined that I could quit smoking. Now I can't imagine ever taking even 1 puff!


So, to my old friends, I hope you are all doing well! To the newbies believe in yourself, you got this!


5 months today

Posted by constanceclum Dec 29, 2019

And I'm looking for the word to describe where I'm at because I'm definitely not "nicotine recovered", but nothing fits. Occassionally I miss smoking. Back to those pre-copd days when I could have a cigarette without giving it a second thought. Those times are very rare now, but I still have ?. Like being halfway in the car and my brain realizes that this is when I'm supposed to light up. Then an automatic NOPE and on with my day. But there is a "feeling"  associated with that realization that I can't place.I guess urge is the only word that feels somewhat appropriate but it really isn't quite that strong. Anyway, I can have several of "those" a day, and I'm wondering if this is my new normal because I really wish they'd go away.


I'm having a copd flare-up so I'm not breathing well and not feeling well. I called my lung Drs office and told them how I was feeling and that I didn't want to go to the ER because it's full of flu people so they sent me for a chest-ray and called in some prednisone. 


I'm meeting with a surgeon on thurs. about putting in a "port". I've had monthly IV's of antibodies for immune deficiency and will have them the rest of my life so we decided a port would be more convenient and comfortable for me. I also have my lung CT scan in Jan. to check on the nodule and see if I'll need to go to Duke or not.


For the most part I try to just turn things over to God and stay stress free, but sometimes it gets to me. Thank God for all of you that without fail, helps me stay calm.




Hey All

Posted by constanceclum Dec 14, 2019

Just checking in to let all of  you know I'm still here and have 138 DOF. I never thought I would skip even 1 day of being here, reading blogs and sharing my experience, strength and hope for the newcomers. When I first quit. I talked about being off my bipolar depression meds. I didn't go into why and I'm not going to now because it's too long and involved, but it really wasn't my choice. Somehow, even though I was very depressed and highly anxious, I managed to quit smoking. I "went" someplace mentally with this quit that, even though I can't quite explain it, I was able to quit in spite of that and going through 1 crisis after the other. My other big symptom is chronic insomnia. Well, a few weeks ago, it all caught up with me, and I stopped functioning well. I am waiting to get in to see a psychiatrist (after the 1st of the year was the best they could do-isn't 2019 healthcare grand?), and my primary Dr. prescribed 1 of the 2 meds I need so I am feeling somewhat better but still sleeping poorly.


The important thing is I didn't feel it was necessary to smoke. Smoking wouldn't have helped anything. My husband celebrated 1 month free this past week. I'm a little peeved because it was so much easier for him lol. Not really, I'm grateful that we are both free from smoking. The money saved when 2 people quit is a car payment lol-not that we're in the market-but it's very noticeable every week.


God bless,




I forgot to be grateful

Posted by constanceclum Nov 29, 2019

I was EXtra grateful for all the things I'm grateful for on a daily basis: God, my family, my cats etc..., but I forgot to be grateful for my first thanksgiving without smoking. That's because it was my 1st day I didn't think about smoking! Dale said it would come eventually. And it did at day 123. And the reason I'm EXtra grateful is because I was coming close to losing my NOPE lol. The past 2-3 weeks have, in some ways, been worse than the first few weeks but, thank God, I was prepared!!!  My addiction kept telling my I really wanted to smoke. Every one of those old triggers were like a fire alarm going off in my head. I actually told my husband I didn't think I could go on much longer which really upset him. He quit smoking 3 weeks ago, used the patch for a couple of weeks and barely has had a craving.


Well, as I've said before, I don't know anyone, have never heard anyone on here, say they regretted a cigarette not smoked, and that's how I feel today. So grateful to be a nonsmoker, and so grateful to be coming to the end of this NML..


There are so many wonderful blogs to read here on an ongoing basis. All newbies should stay close to every word printed by out elders. But I would advise every newbie to read Marilyn's blogs every morning. She has got me through many tough mornings which has always been my toughest times. 


God bless,




My NML Adventures

Posted by constanceclum Nov 24, 2019

I do not know, when people that quit smoking without an educational, supportive site such as EX, if they're even aware of NML. I can say that without the preparation, knowledge and support I have here, I doubt if I would have made it.


I can't quit explain it, but I got through the 1st 7 weeks of this quit by keeping my hands and mind completely (busy) That nagging nicodemon was back there, but I was able to stay "detached" from it. I have no idea how to explain to someone how I did it. I had huge, very rough cravings throughout the day-I was a heavy smoker for 48 yrs-and that BIG YOU CAN HAVE JUST ONE beat down on me constantly, but I ran the tape all the way through. How that cigarette would feel on my lips and the inhale hitting my lung and then, for me, the immediate chest tightness and shortness of breath and I said NOPE not today and then to the back burner of my brain it went.


I had no idea how NML would work for me since I was using the patch. After a coupld of months, I cut down to 14mg and after a couple of weeks of that, I cut down to 7 weeks. Did that for about a week, and then stopped all nicotine and went through some of the digestion issues probably not as bad though. Well I have spent the past couple of weeks wanting a cigarette with every trigger that I thought I had overcome. After meals, driving, being on the phone and that reward cigarette for completing a task. These urges were strong and left me with that whole in my chest that I have from nicotine withdrawal, but there's been no nicotine. It's all in my head. Well I promised myself 4 months like Dale suggested, but I have been more scared of relapse over the past couple of weeks than any other time during this quit. One major thing that has kept me going is my husband quit a couple of weeks ago and I was not going to be the reason he started. But also, The one thing every single one of you have been consistent about is "it gets better" And it is. This is the 1st morning I have not had a strong urge in a few weeks. In face I feel totally detached from smoking which is how I like it. And I'm at 118 DOF!!


Today is a great day to be a nonsmoker, and it's thanks to you!! God bless all of you and keep you safe!



That's a horrific amount of cigarettes in 3 months and 21 days! I wonder what I would have thought if I was still smoking and someone told me that I had smoked that amount in a little over 3&1/2 months. I wonder if it would have mattered to me. That's about $510.00 I have saved but I can't help but wonder what the impact would have been had I realized that when I was still smoking. It seems so unbelievable to me.


I would suggest to anyone who is still smoking to figure out the # of cigs you would smoke and the cost over a 3 month period. How does it make you feel? Does it increase your desire to quit? It certainly seems like it should, but I really don't think I ever completely faced these stats while I smoked.


I'm having a good day in NML today. The last couple of weeks have been difficult-not near as difficult as the 1st few weeks so I certainly don't want to scare anyone away but, as Marilyn always says, "we do have to stay vigilant" because it tends to pop up just when we think we are over it. For me it was mostly milder urges during times when I "missed" smoking like driving or after a meal or, the biggest one-the reward cigarette after finishing a task. I'm just now letting yself think do I want a cigarette and the only answer I can come up with is "who has time for that" lol so I've come a long way. And all of you newbies can too. Just give yourselves that 4 months of in big red letters NOPE!! In AA we say "It works if you work it"


God bless,



I'm celebrating 109 DOF and,, if nothing else, it's a wierd journey! I am so grateful for this freedom and to this site for making this freedom possible. For the elders who had me well prepared for everything I would go through to get where I am today. That "you have to go through it to get out of it".


I am still in NML and I was prepared for it so I have not found it necessary to smoke. The 1st 7 weeks were pretty tough for me, but I had made that NOPE commitment and I did not find it necessary to smoke as the elders and other newbies supported and encouraged me each day. And I want to stress how important it is to read blogs of other newbies struggling and support and encourage them.. I can't even tell you how many times that my words of encouragement to someone else wound up getting me through a difficult time.


Things got better at about 7 weeks. I used the 21mg patch for a couple more weeks than stepped down to the 14 mg patch with very little fan-fare. I really felt like a nonsmoker and didn't even think about them except when I was here. The same thing happened when I stepped down to the 3mg patch. Now For the past couple of weeks, NML has been rearing it's ugly head. Triggers are acting up and I just "want" a cigarette. I miss some of those times I would smoke like after a meal. But you know what? I did my homework here. Because of Dale and others, I knew all about this NML and how tricky it could be.. In my early days in AA, I learned addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. It is the same with nicotine. Am I frustrated that after 3 &1/2 months, I'm still dealing with this? A big, fat, YES!!! But the knowledge I have is way more powerful than the last ditch efforts of my nicotine addiction  to "smoke just 1" because this addiction wants to kill me, so I do not find it necessary to smoke over it.




Good Morning Friends

Posted by constanceclum Nov 12, 2019

Well, NML has not been kind to me the past couple of weeks. That's also when I stopped using the 7mg patch. It's mostly the return of the triggers. After a meal, getting in the car, answering the phone, finishing a task, I have this strong "thought" which turns into an urge for a cigarette. I'm not worried about smoking, it's just getting old and boring to keep dealing with it. I'm at 106 DOF so I have a few weeks left of NML, but I thought I should come here and vent and get my peeps to assure me it's all going to be ok.


My husband finally quit. He has 10 DOF and it seems to be going much easier for him than I would have expected. Of course, I prayed for him continuously. He is also dieting as he is very obese. He's lost 7# and is dealing with his sleep apnea much better. He quit smoking pot and only drinks a couple of beers after work. All of this is certainly helping both of our health as well as our marriage. Saving quite a bit of money as well.


Newbie's, don't allow yourselves to keep smoking by telling yourself you still have time. That's just 1 of this addictions lies. People are getting both lung cancer and copd at earlier ages. Plus it slowly ruins the quality of your life, and 1 day you just wake up and can't do the things you used to do. The best time to quit is right now, and the only reason not to quit is an excuse!


God Bless this EX family!