Skip navigation
All People > carloprivitera > carloprivitera Blog

When all started ...

Posted by carloprivitera Sep 26, 2016

This is going to be personal ... really personal!

Probably I'm sharing this mainly because it helps me remember how wrong all of this has been!

Understanding when it started and how it started, it has been a really important part of my quitting process: this type of awareness helped me understanding the real role of smoking in my life and it's helping me not feeling the need anymore.

I'm almost at the end of my first month of my quit ... the big cravings almost disappeared. Now I'm managing all my memories as a smoker and I'm training myself again that I can enjoy a lot more my life without a cigarette.

Right now all my small/big crisis are more psychological than a real need of nicotine. Now I'm starting a huge work on myself and most of the time I've been my worst enemy!!!

So ... When all Started?

I was 16 y/o and I was the typical "nerd"! Loving school, loving physics and mathematics and always at the top of my class.

Obviously the counter effect of all that: extremely lonely!

I had a couple of nerdy friends, but all the other ones in the school were (in the best case) ignoring me.

I said in the best case because I've been bullied a lot by the "cool" and famous boys in the school. Some of what they did was just a stupid joke while some other times they have been pretty bad like using my parent's house porch as their bathroom doing whatever they wanted to do!

You can imagine how it has been terrible seeing my mother cleaning all that s*** from our porch! I still remember that as one of the most humilating thing in my entire life.

When all this happened? In the mid 80s, and most of you knows that at that time smoking was still something cool!

Smoking was still a symbol of the "winners" and a symbol of "success".

Even if I knew how terrible those guys were, one of the most important thing for me at the time was to be accepted by the cool guys ... and my "crazy" solution has been start smoking: so I can be cool as well!!!

I do remember the first cigarette in the bathroom of my high school: one of the worst experience ever!!! But I didn't care ... I had to do it because I wanted really badly to be the cool one and be accepted!

So one after another I fought hard (Can you believe it???) to become a smoker and I did it!!!

Results? Have I been accepted by that gang? Did they stop bullying me? No, not at all ... they just started having fun of me also about the way I was smoking!!!

Smoking didn't solved my problem ... on the contrary it added another big issue that I had in my life for long 31 years!

I'm a grown man now. I'm not bullied anymore and on the opposite I'm a really successful man. I don't know anything about those guys at high school. I relocated and I didn't want to know anything about them anymore.

But even if I don't know anything about them, I had the clear feeling that they were still winning since they were still impacting my life being a smoker.

August 31st has been my last day as a smoker. It's my 26th day of freedom.

I didn't do it for them ... I'm doing it for myself, but every single time I have a small crisis, I'm really happy to remember that I'm winning over them now!

And I'm not open to let them win again! Never again!

 

I don't know if finding the real reason why you started might help you quitting as it's helping me, but I wanted to share it ... and I want to say it loud to everybody because this is making me even stronger.

All the best to all of you

Carlo

Today was my original date!

Sept 23rd! also because it's my birthday and I wanted to gift me this new life!!!

Then I started reading the blog, I read the Carr's book a couple of times and I start thinking that there were no reason for me to smoke again and so I changed my plan and August 31st has been my last day as a smoker!!!

So today is my 23rd day of freedom and I'm really happy of what I'm doing ... still tough sometimes but I'm working on it ... 

Enjoy this beautiful day my friends!

Carlo

Entering my third week

Posted by carloprivitera Sep 15, 2016

So today is Day 15!!!

Sorry for not being here for 3 days but I've been in a business trip and it has been almost impossible to read and blog.

Really a crazy rollercoaster!

I took my first flight as a non-smoker and it has been so great to get into the the airport without looking for a smoking area (some of them still exists) or without counting the hours for my next cigarette.

At the same time has been shocking that as soon as I got out of the airport at my destination, I had a huge craving. My mind remembered that I was used to run out of the airport to have the first cigarette and I remembered that feeling.

It has been so strong that I had the same craving on my way back to NY ... it was a little bit better but still tough.

It's crazy: it's like re-wiring my brain and my life ... and one time is not enough! I need to go through the same experience at least 3/4 time before I start forgetting the connection with a cigarette ... and I have 31 years of experiences with cigarettes in my hands!!!

This is going to be long ... but as usual ... one step at the time!

Anyway, it's getting better.

Week 1: Two huge crisis ... several cravings and thinking about cigarettes every single second

Week 2: One huge crisis ... still a good amount of cravings, but less than before and experiencing the first moment when I'm not thinking about cigarettes

So let's embrace week 3 and see what happens.

Thank you to all of you for supporting me every single day..

Carlo

Day 11 and in the last 24 hours I tested myself and it went really well.

Yesterday I had a wonderful dinner with a friend of mine and I drank the first glass of wine since I quitted (usually a huge trigger!!!). I had 10/15 minutes of cravings after dinner but everything went pretty well. My friend has been really great and she helped me a lot.

Today I had my first football game as a non smoker ... a lot easier than expected and on top of that, the Benglas won ... so I'm really happy.

Now I'm at home relaxing and as usual, the evenings have some cravings, but I'm managing them quite well just thinking about all the beautiful things that happened to me in the last 11 days.

Tomorrow I'll have another challange: the first business trip as an ex!

One step at the time, one day at the time.

Double digits!

Posted by carloprivitera Sep 10, 2016

A short message to wish to all of you an amazing weekend!

Today I reached my small target: I officially entered double digits with 10 days smoking free!

For all of you that are starting this journey right now, smile and be strong! It might be tough sometimes, you might have small or big crisis in the first 10 days, but at the end of it, you start feeling so much better! 

It's really rewarding!

Day 8 ...

A lot of good things happened in the last 8 days, but I'm still struggling a lot with my evenings.

I always smoked a lot after 7pm ... probably more than 10 cigarettes just from 7pm to midnight (more or less my time to go to bed).

I live by myself and the cigarettes has always been my companion working at home, or watching a movie of just managing boredom.

Obviously it's easy to say: get out of there and do something different during your evenings.

True in theory, but I just moved to NYC and I don't know too many people here and I can't get out and stop people around and asking them to spend time together!

Just start going to the gym, but this makes my evenings only longer because after a late work out, I don't want to go to bed.

Yesterday night, I stayed home and it has been really tough with a lot of cravings.

I do need a solution to manage my evenings ... this can't go ahead too much longer.

Carlo

First week as an EX

Posted by carloprivitera Sep 7, 2016

So today is day #7!

A full week as an EX. I thought it was impossible but here I am. A couple of really bad moments happened on day 1 and day 5, but all the rest has been ok: I'd say even better than expected.

A lot of good things are happening: My taste is improving a lot, I'm a lot more energetic in the morning and my work out is way easier that what it has been in the past.

Small wins that are helping me going on in this journey ... and then there is this website and this community.

Every single time I have a small doubt or a small crisis, I come here and just reading a few posts, everything gets better.

Thank you very much for being here ... you are making a huge difference just writing your wonderful messages ...

And now, let's start week 2!

Carlo

So I'm in the middle of day 6 as an EX.

Yesterday night something strange and different happened.

Day 1 has been really tough and I had a huge crisis at the end of the day, but I survived. After that, everything has been amazing: day 2 to 5 has been really easy: no major issues and I started enjoying a lot of moments as an EX! I was full of energy and full of joy for what was happening to me.

And then yesterday night ... and this morning again!!!

I had another big crisis yesterday night and one this morning. Easier that what happened on Day 1, but both were a huge surprise after 4 wonderful days.

My committment is still there, but I feel a little bit weaker now. I'd liek to have back the strength that I had from day 2 to day 5.

Carlo

Day 2

Posted by carloprivitera Sep 2, 2016

I did it!

Two days ago I smoked my last cigarette.

I'm happy that I started this process because I had the clear feeling that it was really impacting my life.

47 y/o and 31 years as a smoker.

I had a couple of crisis in the last 48 hours but I have been able to go over them. I have to say that yesterday night after dinner, it has been pretty tough, but I tried to think to all the good reason why I started this journey.

I was trying to find good ways to manage the cravings during the next long weekend and reading this blog has been pretty useful. It helps me relaxing.

So I decided to start sharing my feelings as they happen ...

We'll see ... one step at the time.

All the best