Hey all. It was nice to be back and say hello on November 1, to celebrate my 1 ½ years nicotine-free. You are all still an amazing source of support for me, even when I stay away for months at a time. I carry your voices around in my head. For example, I still occasionally get sudden, “sneak” cravings. Sometimes big (the new CEO plans a round of lay-offs?!) or small (300 pieces of snickers peanut butter squared fun size candies are staged on the kitchen counter waiting for Halloween trick-or-treaters, and every piece is calling my name.)
Mentally, I write a blog post, and then sit back for the responses. I hear each voice distinctly, get my chuckles and groove back, then carry on. So I wasn’t overly surprised this morning when I woke up with a blog post title floating on the blank screen of my inner eye – “that does not define me.”
First, I’m just going to admit up front that my “that” was not smoking. This morning, my “that” was fear. Fear does not define me. Perhaps a little Batman rhetoric is natural right after Halloween. Or maybe, my subconscious was saying get up off your lazy back-side and figure out your options if you lose your job. But I think it was the photo of a woman who had lost a breast to cancer, with beautiful flowers painted across her torso in its place. Her breasts do not define her. I had the thought first, then saw the picture on the internet. I love how life works.
I began wondering what does define me, and realize that it is being. I am. I am not my strong arms or fat cells or bad back. I am not my political or religious or spiritual beliefs. I cannot be defined by what strikes me as funny, or what I run from. In fact, there is little that distinguishes me from a carrot, comparatively speaking. And they don’t run from much.
Let the same be true for your quit. Don’t hide from temptation/anger/stress behind that roll of shredded tobacco. That’s one. Do embrace your cravings as signs that you have left your addiction behind, that’s two. Three will come to you on your own.
For all my old friends - thanks for 6, 7, 8 - 234,532,153. Thanks to all of you. I will continue to pop in and out, if it's okay with you. Take care.