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bsheats Blog

6 posts

Cloves and laughter

Posted by bsheats Jul 8, 2018

After 7 months I have finally given up every form of nicotine, the gum, the lozenges. I started putting a clove in my mouth instead. No difference. I noticed that it is impossible to feel depressed if you are laughing. So, I intend to seek out laughter. Which is hard to do if you idon't go out of the house. You can only take so much Netflix. I would like to encourage those who have just started their quit. After 7 months I do not feel appreciably better, but I smoked for about 45 years. I guess I was hoping against hope that I would start to feel better. When you smoke for a long time you start to blame all your physical problems on the smoking. So when they don't go away after you quit it is very disheartening. Some of them are here to stay! So is it worth it? That's my question for the day. I really don't want to get so old that I cannot take care of my personal needs. There's just no point. Then again, I don't want to be a bad example to my children and grandchildren. But, in defense of smokers, I think that the choices we make are our choices, what we need to do to make life bearable. If it is so miserable without cigarettes, and you are still a pain in the ass to everyone in your family, what's the point? I think it's very unlikely that I'm going to have it complete personality change. And I'm an impatient person. Only if I am certain that the end result is going to be better with one choice rather than another, will I stick with that choice.

Today, even though it is going to be a beautiful day, after I go and walk the dog, I think I will stay in the house and knit. I am very sensitive to heat and break out in a sweat after 5 or 10 minutes of gardening, how I used to love gardening.


Can someone tell me something good, something funny, something that will help me to adjust to the new me. It is my first summer of not smoking. The sadness will not lift. How long will this go on? Will I always be angry? Is that just who I am? I don't know because I started smoking when I was 15, 9th grade.


I don't mean to blow this out of proportion. It's just like, I was expecting to feel better, and I feel worse. My body is falling apart. Paying me back for the slow baked of my lungs over 45 years. I know there are others on this site that have suffered much worse than I have. But I do not intend to let it get much worse. Quite bad enough thank you. I won't bore you with the details but I may lose part of one leg due to tumors, a rare disease that has nothing to do with smoking. Just bad luck. No cure.


How do you get out of your own misery? I know, reach out to others, get out get involved. I can't motivate myself. I never feel quite good enough to fit in to normal company.


5 months today N.O.P.E.

Posted by bsheats May 5, 2018

When I quit smoking on December 5th 2017 I didn't know if I was going to make it or not. But I have made it 5 months today! The road is still bumpy and I still want a cigarette. Sometimes it makes me crabby and angry and I Cry. But I am going through it. There's no other way. Just want to encourage anyone out there who's in the beginning days. Don't give up. Don't let anyone else influence whether you smoke or not. It is your life. And ultimately you are the one that is responsible for your health. Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!


I want to effing smoke

Posted by bsheats Mar 12, 2018

My dearest husband just came storming downstairs to declare here's something you can do in your God damn spare time! I have been sick with the flu for the last 4 days. Yes I am still lying around in bed. No I don't feel guilty. But I am very very very angry right now. He's a ******* *******. I want to go buy a pack of cigarettes


Mayo NDC June 2017

Posted by bsheats Mar 3, 2018

Hi. Anybody out there that was in the June 2017 Mayo Clinic residential program.? I am going on 90 days. I quit for 3 weeks after the program, but didn't quit for good until December 5th. I could really use some help dealing with everyday frustrations.


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Posted by bsheats Jan 23, 2017


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"when" never happens

Posted by bsheats Apr 2, 2014

I have no excuse. No job. No money pressure. Just chronic pain, depression and anxiety. But I know the cigs are increasing the pain and still can't stop myself from putting that first one in my mouth every day.  Raising 2 grandkids, ages 12 and 14. They are good kids, a little naive maybe, but that's o.k. with me. They are smart, so maybe what I don't know can't hurt me--unless you're talking about smoking. I KNOW it's hurting me.

I have so much I could do to distract myself. But it only works so much and finally I am facing the need for a smoke. I am so discouraged . . . 

Don't know what else to say, except I haven't stopped smoking and have never used online chatting to help. Are there really people out there that are willing to walk me through my cravings? Hello? I need help.