austensmom10

WTF? Really... April?

Blog Post created by austensmom10 on Apr 24, 2013

so i am sitting here and i have 3 cigs left in  my pack. and i am already wondering what to do after i run out? i look at the ashtrays thinking i can roll them.. think about people i know that smoke and either way i am determined to smoke.hell i am smoking right now. i feel powerless to it. i try to tell myself no you will be fine but then i get really irritated and want one. im on alot of meds that kinda jack me up( my body is weird what would knock some people out jacks me up) and i cant stop taking the meds but i feel like i did when i used. like my every thought was how to get it...i was an opiate addict for many years and i know no matter what i do or how much clean time i have ... i will always be an addict. but damn really... i just hate this. it hurts to think that i still have this addictive behavior. i feel powerless to it and just dont know what to do..

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