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Share your quitting journey

Turning points, Blog #2, March 9, 2015

annb
Member
0 11 15
  Hello Dear Friends! Today I am humbly and gratefully celebrating my exit from No Man's Land! Today is Day 130. In honor of that I will offer my second blog in the Chronicles of Hard Headed Annie's Quit!  Lol
   
  My very first blog on this site was 347 days ago!!!  I discovered EX on/about March 23, 2014.  On March 26 I wrote my first blog all excited that I had made it three days without smoking (cold turkey). I was voraciously reading the recommended readings, blogs and the Allen Carr book. I got some looks from friends since I was carrying the book with me everywhere like a Bible! 🙂 I seemed to be starting out STRONG and I was really feeling elated. So ..... WHAT WENT WRONG??? Well for one thing, I think I was a real clueless newbie. (This is why preparation and knowing your enemy is so important. See I didn't expect it to get Harder before getting easier!!!  I didn't expect my issues with energy (or lack thereof), focus and concentration etc to be SO severe! Emotionally I seemed to be doing "ok". Not particularly moody or bit&#y. I was really doing relatively well considering I was grieving the recent death of my Mom (Dec 2014) and trying to take care of related duties. But maybe i really wasnt doing so well. I remember thinking what an "idiot" I was to have jumped into this quit smoking "idea" when I had so much going on!  Hah!  Don't we ALWAYS have something going on?? Yep Neither Life nor death waits for us to quit smoking or make any other changes! Anyway things started piling up on me literally. I was swamped with all the "paperwork" and stuff related to my Mom's estate. In April trying to get taxes  done hit me. I was a mess and started struggling. You know the drill, the voices saying... "Oh if I could only smoke I could get this stuff done".  And so the fighting began. The unrelenting exhausting fighting. I wanted to smoke damnit and I "couldn't" cause I had quit!  Lol. The resentment started building. The feeling of deprivation was growing. Oh boy I was holding on by a thread. I read about Happy Quitters and thought oh yeah right!!!  I kept reading and blogging. Wanted to keep positive and encourage others. Somewhere deep down I knew I wanted to keep the faith and I kept trying to walk the talk. But oh boy was I being a fraud!  Now at the time I didn't realize that. I was not trying to be dishonest or give a false impression to anyone. No no not at all. But it's like I was schizo! I did actually make reference to my quit being schizophrenic a few times!! Lol.  As much as I had read and studied and listened to the Elders and they gave fantastic advice and encouragement BTW. Thru no lack of support from EX, I stubbornly still wanted my little helper, my poison pal and I was NOT happy!  I still had a lot to learn my friends!  Still do but its a whole lot better now!  I will close this one for now so not to make this long story longer than it need be. Will return and talk about April-July  2014 in next episode! ~~ I think Spring is finally here in VA!   Lil Abby dog is ready for her walk!!! Everyone have a wonderful day! Oxox
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