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Wanda45 Blog

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Tough to do

Posted by Wanda45 Mar 13, 2017

So I have quit.  Then two of my children get together to decide what everybody will get when I die and tell me I have to make a will before I go for surgery.  I didn't think it would be hard, but oh my, it is difficult.  I decided to do a video last will and testament.  I know why I don't do selfies, man that is one old woman in this video.


I have made 4 videos and deleted 3.  Hopefully I will get it the way I want it soon.  Just thinking about it makes me want a cigarette.  However I would have to put on shoes and drive somewhere, but it is cold and rainy and I am warm and snug.  


Still waiting on the doctors in Shreveport and Dallas to make a game plan.  The aneurysm I have is positioned on top of the veins that go off to legs, stomach, liver, etc.  If the stent is not placed correctly they could "screw" one of those, and cause major problems, including death.  Hence the reason the kids want everything in place.


I am thankful they are in agreement on what they want.  I used to threaten to burn it down and go to the beach on the insurance money.


Just wandering here, until the urge to smoke goes away.  Thank you all for listening.



Thank you all for the encouragement, love, and hugs I received from my post yesterday.  I really needed to say what I said yesterday more for me than anyone else.  To convince me how stupid it is to continue to smoke, when all I have to do is put them down.  I am preparing to quit.  I know better than anyone else that it has to be done.  I know how difficult it is and I know that there are wonderful folks here who will support me, and help me.  


I have been discharged from the hospital and have to take it easy, the doctor's are making a game plan, and will call me Monday with a schedule for surgery.  I will be going to Dallas to Baylor for the surgery.


I am glad to be home, and look forward to sleeping in my bed tonight.  I have to take it easy, monitor the blood pressure, and I have to practice "pitiful".  I can't get out in my yard to weed my flowers.  I told my daughter, I can't lift anything so she and the boys have to do the clothes and wait on me.... I might actually enjoy this.


This morning around 2:00 my nurse assistant came into the room to take my blood pressure.  He is a cute little Asian dude named Rey.  The machine started, stopped, and restarted.  All of sudden he screams, and starts patting the machine.  I asked what was wrong, then the machine displayed my blood pressure, and he giggled and danced like Sponge Bob and Patrick chasing jelly fish.  Then he says "This machine was trying to tell me the pressure is at 200, but I won and it is 114."


I promise he acted like a machine whisperer. 


They did take it again and it was good.


Have a good night, and know you are wonderful folks that I care about very much.




So I am back again

Posted by Wanda45 Mar 9, 2017

Yes I quit for two weeks, and then I just decided I really didn't want too.  Can't tell you why, in my heart I just knew it wasn't right for me then.  Tonight I am blogging from a hospital bed.  Sunday I felt like crap.  Not anything in particular.  Arthritis hurt, felt yukky.  Sometime Sunday afternoon I started having flutters in my chest.  I would get nauseous, then warm waves and dizzy.  The damnedest feeling ever.  It happened 7 or so times.  A couple times after I went to bed.  Monday morning I had a couple of these strange spells.  One as my daughter was leaving for work.  She stopped asked if I was okay and I said I don't' know.  I told her what was happening.  She took me to the emergency room.  When I got there my blood pressure was 216 / 114.  Oh yea, buddy, the ER folks kicked into high gear.  


After doing a blood test something indicated that I had a blood clot in my lungs.  So they do a cat scan.  No blood clot but an aortic aneurysm.  And so I was admitted.


After two CT scans, and Echo cardiogram, and a chemical stress test I can tell you I am healthy - except that I now have high blood pressure (under control with meds) and an aneurysm.  The problem with the aneurysm is that it sits on top of the veins that go to the stomach, liver and pancreas,  The hospital here is not equipped to repair this.  There are not enough cases like this to warrant special labs to build stents that would curve enough not to nick one of those veins.  


Tomorrow the doctors are going to get an appointment at Baylor in Dallas for me to go get this repaired.  It will be repaired, and I will be okay.


I have had to go cold turkey since Monday at 7:00 AM.  Do I want one... most of the time, it gets easier every day.  Will I stay quit when they cut me loose, I hope so.  At this point, I can't promise myself that I won't light up when I walk out.


I know all the reasons to.  More than anything reflecting on this week, I am almost 68, have smoked since I was 17, and have no issues.  Just now developed high blood pressure.  Did smoking cause this?  Don't know.   


I want to think that I will just put them down now, but I know  how hard that is  I am not making excuses, just stating a fact.  Stressful situations "seem" to be better, heartache seems to be better, life sometimes seems to be better with just one puff.... but just one puff leads to another and another.   I know all the right answers, mostly because of the great people on this site, who have encouraged me and held my hand.  I didn't come to whine, just to own up and let you all know what is happening in my life.  


I will update you on the surgery, and my status.  Here is to another no puff day.



So far so good.  I am still hanging on.  


Have you ever wanted to slap someone naked and hide their clothes? Well I have I have felt like that today.  Not sure if it is the people around me or the fact that I am quitting smoking.  But you know I could do it, and blame it on no cigarettes, and it might be justified...


God bless all




Good Sunday Morning

Posted by Wanda45 Feb 5, 2017

So I kept busy yesterday and am now on my 6th day of freedom.  But you got to know curve balls are being thrown at me.  But I am throwing them right back.  The best I can tell you is that God is loving on some stupid lately, and somehow it is finding me.  


Will be in church today, and will keep busy.  See all you guys tomorrow, or late tonight.  God bless you all.





The Second Time around

Posted by Wanda45 Feb 4, 2017

Good morning EX land.  I hope all is well with you.


I quit about 3 years ago for 1 1/2.  It was awesome.   I loved saying "No I don't smoke".  Then family drama took place in my back yard.  It included grown children, grandchildren, blood, and police/sheriff officers.  After things had calmed down, I sat down in my swing and there was a pack of cigarettes my son had left there.  It was the most natural thing in the world to pick up that pack.  My daughter screamed NOOOOO at me, the sheriff looked at her and at me and said "leave her alone" first I smoked one every other day or so but by July 4th, I was back smoking like I had never quit.  That was 2015.  


I tried many times to quit, came on here set a date, failed, went away, came back changed the meter, failed went away.  Then I just stopped coming by.  I had failed, and let so many people down.  It took awhile (even as old as I am) to make my self understand that the only person I failed was me.  That the friends here would support me anyway, encourage me to try again, to be there to help pick me up, or "Gibbs" slap me when I failed.


Well I have quit a second time and am now on day 5.  It seems to be a bit easier, but I am retired, and do not have the stress and pressure of working with idiots.  I do have the pleasure of living with some though but they make my life complete.


I pledge not to smoke, and to come here frequently for help and to help others. 






I am back!!!!

Posted by Wanda45 Feb 3, 2017

It has been a while since I have been here.  I quit 3 years ago for a year and half, but started again after much drama in my backyard.  Well after a year and a half, I put them down.  I am now closing in on day 4.  I am using the patch, and feel pretty good.

A dear friend of mine found out she has breast cancer, then they found a spot on her lungs.  After a biopsy of the lung, she developed an infection and spent over a month in the hospital and rehab.  I would sit by her bed and watch her cough until she cried, and then tried to catch her breath.  My thoughts were "there buy for the grace of God" there go I.  I decided then that I would quit.

So I am on this roller coaster we call quit smoking.  I know that without support I won't make it, so I will come here everyday and run off at the mouth, so that I don't take out my frustrations on those around me.  Once I can navigate this new website, maybe I can find my old blogs, and some of the blogs of friends that were here before.

God bless you all.  Here is to a successful quit for all of us.




Wanda45 Archived Profile

Posted by Wanda45 Jan 23, 2017



I am 64 years old, a widow since I was 50.  My beloved Buddy passed away February 1999 from liver cancer.  I have 3 wonderful children, and 11 grandchildren.

I bought a home in 2009.  At that time my youngest son was the only one in Louisiana.  My oldest son and his family were in Indiana.  The day after Christmas he called and they needed to come stay with me.  He was in trailer manufacturing and the bottom fell out that year.  So he, his wife, 3 boys and a dog moved into my 2 bedroom home.  They moved in June of 2010, and my daughter called she was leaving her husband, could she come home.  So she, here 3 children and dog moved into my 2 bedroom home.  They are still there.

She has finished her college and is trying to get a job as a teaher. When that happens she will be moving out, and I can't say I am sad about that. 


Brief Description

64 year old widow- with 3 grown children and 11 grandchildren


No website in profile.


northwestern louisiana (not the swamps)...


church, reading, gardening, puzzles.


accountant by trade


She's back!!!!

Posted by Wanda45 Aug 15, 2016

Good afternoon one and all.  I didn't make my quit date in May, however, I put them down yesterday.  Haven't had a cigarette in over 24 hours.  And nobody is dead, and I am not in jail.

Of course today was the first day of school and I have my home by myself.

I realized that this summer is the first summer I have taken off since I graduated high school. [almost 50 years]  With Michelle and her boys here, sleepng late, playing on phones, I-pads, X-box.; it was hard for me to get motivated to do much.

At first I was busy in the yard, but then summer came in hot, and I it was too hot to get outside. So I slept in, and played games, phone, I-Pad,etc.  But now it is over and i will set a schedule and get busy doing something besides lazy!!!

In the meantime though I will not smoke, I will continue with my new life and enjoy it to the fullest.  I hope all are well.   ((((Hugs))))) to all



Wednesday comes to an end

Posted by Wanda45 Apr 20, 2016

I have had a productive day even if it did rain all day, and is supposed to rain again tomorrow.  I now have a part time job that I can do from home.  It is bookkeeping for an old and dear friend.  I love the work, and her, and I get paid to do it.  Not a bad deal.

I am still on track for a quit date of May 15.  

When I quit before everybody around me would continuallu tell me all about the bad things smoking does to you... i would be like and you don't think I know that.

Most non-smokers don't understand that we want to quit but for various reasons we don't or fail when we try and are not truly ready.

That is the reason my date is in May, I have to get the right mind set.  And slowly I am getting there.  I will get there and be ready in my own time.

Just wanted to check in and say hello all..



Good morning

Posted by Wanda45 Apr 19, 2016

So I have spent the morning trying to make plans.  Since I retired I had plans that included spending the morning in the yard.. take a shower and rest on my happy butt.  I really need to do the suzie homemaker thing and dust and clean, but somehow that just hasn't happened.

- Yesterday and today it has rained.  My yard is standing in water I just hope my newly planted seends don't drown.

So I have spent the morning setting up a quit kit.  Re-reading Alan Carr, and journalling my thoughts.   I have set a quit date of May 15.  It is not such a long time away, but is what I feel I need to get ready.

I want to quit again, and I want a forever quit.  I know it just takes putting them down and never picking them up, but I also know that I have to have the right mind set, and it is not quite where it needs to be to work for me.

Hope your day is filled with sunshine and lots of hugs.



Last June, there was a major family issue in my back yard, that involved blood, the sheriff and an arrest (not me)... my son's cigarettes were on the swing.. I sat down saw them and picked them up.  It was like I never quit.  I have been smoking since.  It is not something that I am proud of, but it happened, I had a year and a half under my belt, and loved being a non-smoker.

I have retired now, and am working in my yard.  I bought a tiller - if a girl is going to be a farmer, she needs the right tools!  I actually tilled 4 rows for a garden and have planted veggies.  I have weeded flower beds, and planted flowers.  Trimmed bushes  it has been so much fun.  It is actually theraputic for me.

However, I get winded easily, and have to rest.  I haven't tried to mow because I am afraid I can't last long doing that.

It is time to prepare for my quit.  I am almost to the right point in my mind, and I know that this group of folks will support and encourage me... and yes slap my hand when I need.




It has been a while

Posted by Wanda45 Jun 3, 2015

But I am still a non-smoker.  It has been 463 days 10 hours, etc since I smoked.  I so enjoy saying I am a non-smoker.  It took a long time to be able to say that instead of I am trying to quit.  Do I feel better... in some ways I do, however I have gained weight and that is miserable, and I hurt my leg last year and have had been limited in my physical activity.  So now that my leg is better, I don't have the energy to get up and move .. this for me is going to be like smoking.  I will have to make me get up and move, just walk... just walk.

I work hard all day, but it is at a desk, mentally drained by the end of the day.  When I get home, I want to just veg out, and that is not goo.

Over the next the few weeks, I am going to have to make a plan, and get the old woman back in gear.  If I don't I will be headed to a walker, or worse.. just because I gained weight, and stopped moving. 

Any helpful suggestions will be much appreciated.  As I climb another mountain.




Happy Week end to all

Posted by Wanda45 May 21, 2015

This time tomorrow I will be almost to Pensacola.  Driving down for the long week end.  It has rained here until they have closed Cross Lake - Caddo Lake, and Red River.  No one here can be on the water for memorial day.

Besides big plans and the beach and no rain, I am 450 days not smoking.  I am celebrating that too.

Hope all of you are well, know you are wonderful, you are worth it, you can stay quit... you got this.





Happy Friday Eve....

Posted by Wanda45 Mar 19, 2015

Doesn't that sound better than Thursday, and yes tomorrow is Saturday EVE...  You know my mom was a worry wart. She borrowed trouble.  Worried about "what if" all her life.  I used to tell her just wait take it one day at a time... mom... it will be okay. 

The older I get the more I get like her and find myself wondering and worrying about tomorrow.  Then today I got this in my email.  It sums up what I used to tell my mom, and what I need to remind me of. 

So don't worry about tomorrow... don't even worry about today ... just smile and love someone.. and thank your heavenly power for one more day on this earth.  Cause worrying just makes something BIG out of something small...