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2018
TomW5.15.17

Phantom Candy?

Posted by TomW5.15.17 May 17, 2018

For months into my quit I would reach for that phantom pack of cigarettes and then remember, "Oh yeah, I quit".  Today, as I was driving by the CVS store where I always bought my bags of hard candy and Atomic Fireballs, I reached for my glove box to check how my supply was doing.  But, I haven't bought any candy since I began my diet last January.  Jeesh!  The mind is a funny thing!

TomW5.15.17

Hard To Believe

Posted by TomW5.15.17 May 15, 2018

At 7pm tonight, I will be one year cigarette and nicotine free.  That’s easy to believe.  I realize this sounds cocky, but when I crumpled up that last pack 365 days ago, I somehow just knew this was my forever quit.  What’s hard to believe is how normal I feel now.  I really struggled for months after my quit began.  Despite the Elders advice to me, I kept fighting my addiction and just making it worse for myself.  I never doubted that I wouldn’t stick to my quit.  I just assumed I would be a non-smoker who was miserable for the rest of my life.   And even after the nicotine craves mostly went away, the new craves for sweets did not.  I gained 26 pounds and 3 inches.  Then I finally committed to losing weight, but felt miserable that it was taking so long.  I couldn’t go out to eat.  I couldn’t drink alcohol because of calories and potential bad judgement ensuing.  I became depressed and angry.  It seemed like I would never feel normal again.

 

Then all of a sudden, the weight started falling fast and I am back to my pre-quit weight and waist size.  I got into a regular, more regimented workout routine, and began feeling like I had way more energy.  I can even have an occasional snack, dessert or cocktail.   I now enjoy trying out new coffees and teas even more than I used to like discovering new wines and beers.  I got my normal back.  I suppose it is a new normal, but it is mine, and I like it.  It took me a little longer to get here than some, but it is sooooo worth it!  Thanks to all of you, newbies, elders and in-betweeners who had my back these past 365 days.  I couldn’t have asked for a better support team.

 

I do have to admit to some sadness as well.  There were so many others who quit around the same time as me, who I expected to be celebrating with.  A few admitted to relapsing and announced their departure from EX.  Others just disappeared without a word.  I so hope they find their way back.  As many of you have said before me, if I can do it, anyone can.

 

Tom

365 DOF