So, as you may have noticed, I haven't been here in a little while and yes that is because I had a little relapse.
I was having a rough day, had already slipped up a few more times and bought myself a pack. BIG MISTAKE. I got about half way through that pack yesterday and gave the rest to my boyfriend. I woke up this morning feeling worse than I had when I started quitting the first time. I had an asthma attack on the way to work (yeah I have asthma...shameful) and had to stop at my parents house for an inhaler. I stopped exercising a week ago and just let go of everything I had worked so hard for.
It's intereting though, now I feel as thought I'm seeing this from another side. I miss not smoking and when I smoked yesterday I hated it. It felt wrong and discouraging and not like me. Just the fact that I was seeing things in this new light gave me hope though. I will try again and this time I will succeed. No ifs, ands, or butts (pun intended).
I miss the feeling of clean in my lungs and breathing. I miss the sense of accomplishment of going without for over a week. granted a small accomplishment, but one nontheless. I know what to expect this time and I'm sure all the work I must do now will be just as easy and fulfilling as last time.
I feel a lot better knowing I'm on my way back on track. I apologize to myself for screwing up. Ready to keep going. Quit date set for the 22nd of this month and until then I will be working on seperating from any triggers, etc. like last time.
Whew, feels good to be back.
Cristina
