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Tigs Blog

26 posts

Sigh

Posted by tigs Jan 14, 2009
Well, I slipped up. I want to be honest, because I know otherwise, I'll start telling myself it was OK. See? It really didn't do anything bad, and then addict brain will have the upper hand. Long day at work yesterday, and I really didn't feel well (detox, I think..sore throat, a bit of nausea, dizzy...), then had to run out immediately to a birthday party for a 9 year old "adopted" cousin. I actually thought about begging off because I was just sooooo tiiiiiired. But ended up going because his uncle just died, and wanted to help give him a good memory after the funeral. EVERYONE there was smoking!!! (except me..). Hubby and I left after a couple hours. I worked on some stuff on the computer before going to bed, went downstairs to do laundry. And there was this cig right THERE! Half under the dryer, and I lost the battle,. Got it, lit it, took 2 puffs, and thought what the *%&% am I *doing*???? and put it out. Munched it! Mashed it!! Brushed my teeth and went to bed.

I think my big mistake was not going to bed when I got home. I was sooo tired. Once there...I couldv'e gone and talked it out w/ hubby, or come here with you guys....I messed up, but back on the wagon.

*sigh* This sux. Back to day one on the counter for me, for 2 puffs (cause I'm an idiot)

Great Friends!

Posted by tigs Jan 12, 2009
I love my friends sometimes! I went out w/ a friend the other day to the bookstore to celebrate first 2 days smoke free. (woohoo!!!) Then I took my dog over for a "play date" with her dog. They love racing around her huge yard and playing together.

While I was over at her house, we were talking about my quitting, and that I am either eating (and craving carbs/sweets) or chewing gum (regular gum....I can't handle the sugar free anything, gives me raging headaches!!). Anyway, I told her I need to stop by our local whole foods store to pick up some licorice sticks (erm, yeah, that's sticks of the licorice plant..actual wood). I am still dealing with a lot of craves. They are the right size for a cig substitute, they taste a LOT better, they are good for a whole host of things that cause problems for some people while quitting smoking, from depression, to nausea, to constipation, etc....

She stopped by after work today with a little wrapped package for me. It was filled with..you guessed it! Licorice sticks!!
So I am here chomping away on this sweet wood, and it brings back childhood memories, and is a great way to get over the craves, too! (Good thing my coworkers already realize what a strange duck I am...gonna be walking around chewing on wood a lot lol)

I love my friends!

Body is Healing

Posted by tigs Jan 11, 2009
Yep, the healing started yesterday. The aching lungs in the morning got better later, then progressed to sore throat (and I think a bit of low grade fever) by the evening. My poor body! Trying to work soooo hard to get 30 years of damage and toxins out of it. In an odd way, it still feels good to feel this, as it helps me stay strong for my quit. I can feel how much damage I've been doing, and I trust my body to heal itself if I give it the chance it needs.

Last night, I went to the company holiday party, and it was great to not have to go stand outside in the freezing cold and wind to grab a cigarette! People at work are really great, too. They asked how the quit was going over the weekend, and are very encouraging. I am blessed.

I am feeling physically better today, lungs don't ache as much, sore throat gone for now, and it seems my cilia are moving that garbage out of my lungs. Not coughing, just more mucous-y and needing to clear my throat more because of it. Good to know my body can still heal :-)

Well, gotta get off for a bit. Need to get the bread rising, get the laundry started, go out for my walk before the snow comes, and go spend some more time looking for the book I want for my 2nd day reward! Take care all and keep strong with your quits.

Yay!! its getting better already!

Posted by tigs Jan 10, 2009
I had always heard that the first 2 days were the absolute worst of it all! And for me, it seems to be true....I know I will have some really challenging times ahead, and I can't let my guard down, but I have been surprised how easy its been so far today. I woke up with my lungs screaming at me....I think they are starting to wake up again without being poisoned daily. So here, they wake up and are saying "oh my God, what the H#($ have you been doing to us???" They just ache! But I know its the beginning of the healing process for them, so in a wierd sort of way, it feels good, lol.

Spent some time housecleaning, started some bread (bake tomorrow), went out with a friend who was a former smoking buddy (she still smokes, about 1 cig a day, and wants to quit). We talked about what it is she is getting/not getting out of smoking. Very positive for me, cause it was basically "what's a good plan for me to give up those last few cigs?". She gave me some good props for having quit all together, and we hung out at Borders, and looked at books. I still haven't found a book I want to buy for my 2 day reward, so I get to go looking again tomorrow!! 0/ Sor far today, I've had a few mild cravings that went away quickly, some restless energy, and a few fleeting thoughts of "oh, this is a time for....oh....no it isn't anymore." Its really been a great day!

Lungs are feeling a bit better now, just feeling kind of constricted, but not really achey. So, hopefully, the worst is over, and I can spare some attention for more of the healthy changes I want to make. Going to start some mild exercise to help with the nervous energy, and with general aerobic fitness. I want to be able to bike to work come spring, when the weather is back above 0 degrees regularly.

Thanks everyone, and keep up the good fight!

Day 2

Posted by tigs Jan 9, 2009
I actually have finally gotten past the furthest point I made it quitting before! (I always caved by the morning of the second day). Last night I had some bad urges, but hubby was very supportive, as were people here, and I got through them. Had some trouble sleeping last night, but did finally get some good rest, and when I woke up today, the physical urges were mostly not there again... *Why* is night time so much harder??? lol

I think the Chantix is great! It isn't helping as much as I'd hoped, as I am still getting physical cravings/urges/whichever you want to call them. But they are much less than cold turkey, or even with NRT. And the big thing is that my headspace is much better. My mind doesn't want the cig, just my body..that is something I can deal with.

Thanks for all the support so far everyone, you all can be proud of helping out!

Amy

PS: I meant to say how great my hubby is being, too. He is not ready to quit, but when I got home last night, he had been having seizures all day (not unusual). Still, when he wanted his next cig, he went all the way downstairs to have it on the back mud porch just to help me out! Made me very nervous, as the last thing I want is to deal with a seizure on the stairs and falling all the way down. But he is being very supportive. My secret hope is that he wants me to succeed so he can decide to quit too! But shhhhhh I don't want him to know that, cause I do know he has to be ready to quit.

First Day Good So Far!!

Posted by tigs Jan 8, 2009
Hi all;

Today is quit day, and it hasn't been nearly as bad as my fears (and not quite as easy as my hopes). I have been dealing with my body craving nicotine since this morning. I was trying to define the difference to a co-worker on chantix from straight cold turkey attempts I have made. I tried several times, and finally came up with one he understood. My body is definitely saying it wants its nicotine! The difference is that my mind is still separate from that craving. I can recognize that my body wants the nicotine, but *I* don't. Its a physical reaction, but without the same mental/emotional involvement I had with cold turkey attempts. In fact, most of the day at work was pretty easy to deal with. Things didn't start ramping up at all until about 4 PM. Now its getting better again (5:45 PM)

In relation to that, this evening as I was driving home and feeling the nervous, restless energy that is my withrawal, I realized just how much of our reactions are based on our perceptions. I was really trying to feeeel what it was I was feeling, to accept it and work with it. And suddenly I realized that what I was calling nervous, or restless (negative words) is actually exactly the same feeling I have when I am excited and anticipating something good. You know that feeling when you "just can't wait for......"? That's really the same feeling. It was my expectation that made it seem negative. So I told myself: See how excited you are about starting your new life as a nonsmoker? And it really helped!

One last thought, an adaptation from a book quotation that some of you may recognize. It makes a good quitting mantra for me:

Craving is the mind-killer,
Craving is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my craving
I will allow it to pass over me and through me
And when it has gone,
I will turn my eye inward to watch its path
And there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Teh Tigs, Day 1

Tomorrow is Quit Day!!

Posted by tigs Jan 7, 2009
I have continued taking the Chantrix. No really bad side effects so far, just the sleeping problems, and those aren't really bad. Today, I brought a cig to work, just in case I wanted one (been trying to break the work stress trigger...). I figured since it was my last day smoking, I would give myself the freedom to smoke if I wanted it. My body was saying I wanted it by about 3 PM (working 9-5), but it wasn't SCREAMING at me that it needed a cig. That was great!!

I had been worried yesterday about my quit day, because I was really craving more than usual. When I smoked a cig, I wanted another. But by the end of the day, I finally got past that and didn't even finish my last couple of cigs. That was a great feeling, because of the worrying. I have much more confidence in tomorrow now that I know how the Chantix is helping with the cravings. I can separate out that its my body that is craving them. My mind can still be clear enough to say it doesn't. That is the best feeling I have had in a long time.

I won't say wish my luck tomorrow, because it isn't luck that will allow me to quit. I will say I hope everyone sends good thoughts my way over the next couple of days. I'm ready with my plan, support at work and from friends ( and my still smoking hubby, who has agreed to smoke in the back mud room or outside to help). I am ready with my will, and ready for my freedom. I just had my last cig ever, and like before, I didn't even finish it. Now I am not worried or scared, just excited.

01/01/09 Here we go again!

Posted by tigs Jan 1, 2009
Hello again all,

I haven't been on because while I did make it through the first 24 hours, I slipped BAD the next day. I felt so weak! Tried to get right back on track, but just couldn't seem to get the gumption up again. So....I talked to a doc and got a Chantix Rx. Filled it yesterday, started it today, and set my quit date for 1/8. I am NOT giving up on it this time. Funny thing..since I roll my own cigs (anyone else here that did that? Everyone talks about reaching for their "pack", not their pouch lol)..Anyway, since I roll my own, it's going to take like 6 months to just catch up on the cost of the Chantix. As I am a total tightwad, that says how much I want to quit! Only spend about $35/month on tobacco, and the first month of Chantix is costing me $120! I know the long term smoking costs and all that.....so you don't need to tell me, that's WHY I am willing to spend the money up front now on my health instead of later on my illness... So wish me luck! I will be stopping in here as I can, but expect to be a bit spacey and want to be able to concentrate on work. I really appreciate the support of everyone here..no one gives you s*** for slipping, just encouragement and advice for moving on from there. Thanks!

halfway!

Posted by tigs Dec 23, 2008
halfway through the first 24 hours...hour 12!! Lots of deep breathing and water and cran juice....

Grrrrr

Posted by tigs Dec 23, 2008
OK, I blew it on the first day. 2 cigarettes *sigh*. Sometimes I feel like such a weakling.....but still, less is better than not trying at all. So maybe today is my first day. NO, not MAYBE..it IS, darnit!!

Unfortunately, I can't require him to go outside...its well below 0 deg F out there, and he does have seizures.....asking him to go downstairs and outside...I just can't see it. He is only smoking at his computer, though. And he *is* trying to minimize the smoking when I am home....

I am drinking water and cran juice, cleaning the house a bit, cooking....and brushing my teeth a LOT lol. So far, its 9 hours...and off to work today, which will make it easier....not bringing any tobacco there :-).

Wish me luck on the 2nd day 1!
I CAN do this...I NEED to do this for myself!

It begins

Posted by tigs Dec 21, 2008
First day. My biggest enemy is my own head. Its not bad at work, but it is much harder at home. My hubby is still smoking and not ready to quit.