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2019
Thomas3.20.2010

RollerCoaster

Posted by Thomas3.20.2010 Apr 13, 2019

Bad news - I have a tumor

Good news - the tumor isn't malignant

Bad news - I still have headaches which is why they did the ct-scan that found the tumor

More bad news - the headaches are caused by degeneration in my spine caused by years of steroids

Good news- I am getting physical therapy and other supports in place to help me with adls

Bad news - I missed a dangerous number of days of work in March

Good news - I got my FMLA to cover my absences

More good news - I got the promotion I've been working for

Life is a rollercoaster whether we smoke or not. If I were thinking addictively, I could use all of these ups and downs to keep smoking or even to relapse but I won't -

- I don't do that any more! I will just fasten my seatbelt because this sure is a bumpy ride!

Image result for roller coaster gif

We all have a choice - not what happens to us but what we respond to. I respond with hope for a good minute (a good day is too long!) My head aches but I'm officially a CAE3! That's a very big deal!

Good and bad things can live side by side - you get to choose what's more important.

Smoking isn't a part of the equation!

When the compelling thoughts of addiction pound away at you day and night - it's easy in that moment to give in. That's why you prepare for those moments and make it hard for yourself. Once you've given in, you find out that now it's harder to not give in! The thoughts of why it's OK are still in your head. "Now is not the time." "I'm just too stressed out right now." "There's too much going on in my life right now." Maybe tomorrow - or next week- or next Month - or.....never! The door is open for doubts, second guessing, excuses to sneak in. Next time it will be even harder!

 

But a successful recovery journey has to stop the cycle of quit-relapse-give in-give up-rebuild-quit-relapse...

We have to make up our minds that Now is the only time that counts - right now! Every now until we have days, and then weeks, and then yes, Months - even Years - a forever quit going! No excuses, no exceptions, no room to wiggle out. "I will not smoke for any reason no matter what!" I respect myself enough to honor my final decision to enter and stay unconditionally in recovery! 

 

It's hard but each moment you go back to your promise, each day that you meet, each week under  your belt, each Month and Year becomes easier. If you give in you still have the hard part in front of you and there is never  a better time than right now! 

 

That's where mindfulness comes in - all those right nows of keeping your sacred promise make a true recovery full of discipline and of relief, of effort and of accomplishment, of grief and of pride and self-respect!

 

"I kept my promise to myself! I deserve self-care! I accomplished something very challenging! Me- I did that - I am doing that because I love and respect my Life!"

 

Whether you have one minute - or one decade - celebrate your recovery - your accomplishment! Keep moving forward minute by minute and never, ever give in or give up!

The only way out is through!