The first casualty of addiction is the truth. First I lied to myself about my addiction, then I began to lie to others. Sometimes I even knew in my heart of hearts that I was lying. Lying, evasion, deception, manipulation, spinning and other techniques for avoiding or distorting the truth became natural.
Deception toward others is nearly always rooted in the deception of oneself. In order to keep smoking, I developed a strong system of justification in which I came to believe there was no real problem. And as the addiction continued, my brain got progressively fuzzy and the line between truth and lie, false and real blurred. In the end it is this blurry perspective that became my frame of reference and personal guide. I didn’t even realize it any more!
Addicts live a lie.
So my life became one of fundamental dishonesty. Living and existing in the space of lies, denial and self-deception, it was nearly impossible for me to offer any kind of objective truth to friends, family or coworkers. Truth had lost it’s meaning and life became more about securing a cig and a lighter - things I believed I needed to survive because I had to have Nicotine!
The self-deception translated into the deception of others because I no longer had a firm concept of what is true. This is not an intentional act of defiance, nor is it intended to betray or injure. I simply no longer had any grasp on truth or reality; all of life was cloaked in dishonesty.
In order for recovery to take place, the walls of denial must be shattered. An addict still living in denial, and unable to admit the truth of his or her condition, will not achieve smobriety.
N.O.P.E. was the rock that shattered my window pane of denial! It left zero room for excuses! I had to admit that when I chose not to keep my pledge that I wasn’t honoring myself! I wasn’t respecting myself! I wasn’t loving myself! I didn’t need Nicotine after all!
Sometimes people in early recovery continue to employ defense mechanisms that allow them to distort their reality. An example might be rationalizing that telling people that I intend to quit will not be supported. In reality we don’t want to deal with the guilt and shame of our behavior and to humble ourselves to our friends and family. We’re so used to numbing out guilt and shame with a Sickerette!
Are you being dishonest about your recovery efforts?
Identify ways that your resistance to be honest could jeopardize your recovery.
That’s where we come in! Blog, blog, blog! As true Friends and Allies in Recovery without a doubt we’ll confront distortions and help you find your truth!
