Fusion
As soon as you start setting goals, Radio Doom and Gloom will start to broadcast, "I can't do it, " "It's too hard," "I'm wasting my time," "There's no point in trying," and a whole playlist of other golden oldies. If you fuse with these thoughts, you're in trouble.
The scariest of all these demons is called, "You will fail!" which usually hangs around with several of it's pals, "There's no point in trying," "You're wasting your time," and "Look at all the times you failed in the past."
When they appear, it's helpful to remember this quote by Henry James: "Until you try, you don't know what you can't do." In setting goals for ourselves, we're talking about what is possible, not what is certain. None f us can ever be certain that we'll achieve our goals. But what we can be certain of is this: if we don't even attempt to achieve them, there's no possibility of success.
The solution is to use your defusion skills: see these thoughts for what they are (just words), let them come and go, and return your focus to taking effective action. Make your choices based on what you truly care about instead of on the voices of defeat.
Excessive expectations
Your expectations may be excessive in several ways:
1. Your goals are too big. You expect to do too much, too soon.
Ask yourself, "What's the next small, easy step that would bring me a little closer to my goal?" Then go ahead and do it.
2. You expect to achieve goals for which you lack the necessary skills and resources.
If you lack the skills to achieve your goals, then you will need to take the necessary time to learn them.
3. You expect to do it all perfectly, to make no mistakes.
As for making mistakes, that's a fundamental part of being human. Making mistakes is an essential part of learning, so embrace it. Let go of aiming for perfection.
Avoidance of discomfort
The more you try to avoid discomfort, the harder it will be to make important changes. Change involves risk. It requires facing your fears and stepping out of your comfort zone - both of which point to one thing: change will usually give rise to uncomfortable feelings.
The only effective solution is true acceptance (not tolerance or "putting up with it.") Make room for your discomfort, and focus on taking effective action.
Remoteness from Values
It's not enough to clarify your values - you need to connect with them on a regular basis. You need to know what's important in your heart and to remind yourself often. And you need to make sure your goals are in line with those values. Doing this will provide you with motivation, inspiration, and meaning.
If you're remote from your values, it's all too easy to lose heart, give up, or get sidetracked. The more remote you are from your deepest values, the more your goals seem pointless, meaningless, or insignificant. Obviously, this doesn't do much for motivation.
The solution? Connect with your values. Write them down. Read them through and change them as required. Share them with someone ou trust. Reread them on a regular basis First thing in the morning, mentally go over them. At thhe end of the week, take a few minutes to check in with yourself and ask: "How true have I been to my values?"
