Complacency and Relapse - Caring for Our Recovery

[Thomas3.20.2010]

  

   First, the good news. The risk of relapse declines with the passage of time! While roughly 

  

   95% of uneducated smokers who attempt to stop smoking relapse within a year, the relapse  

  

   rate declines to just 2 to 4% per year from years 2 to 10, and then falls to less than 1% after  

  

   10 years. 

  

   Keep in mind that those rates were generated by ex-users who generally had little  

  

   understanding of nicotine dependency and no formal respect for the Law of Addiction. If  

  

   obedient to Law our risk of failure remains zero. 

  

   But just one powerful hit of nicotine and the addict is back.  

  

   While ignorance of the Law is no excuse, the vast, vast most ex-users do not remain exusers because of understanding or respect for the Law, or because of "one puff" relapse rates 

  

   seen in studies. 

  

   They do so because once home they discover that life without using is vastly better than  

  

   using.  

  

   While the relapse rate for years 2 though 10 may seem small, when added together the risk  

  

   becomes significant. One recent study suggests that as many as 17% who succeed for 1  

  

   year may eventually relapse. 

  

   These ex-users don't relapse because they dislike being home. They do so because they lose 

  

   sight of how they got there, who they are, and the captivity they escaped.  

  

   Among educated ex-users there appear to be three primary factors associated with relapse:  

  

   (1) a natural suppression of memories of recovery's early challenges, 

  

    (2) they rewrite, amend or decide to test the Law and  

  

   (3) they pretend that they have a legitimate excuse to break or ignore it.  

  

   Should these factors combine with an offer of a free cigar, alcohol use around those still  

  

   using or occur in an impulsive-type person, the risk of relapse gets magnified.  

     

   Recovery Memory Suppression 

  

   It's normal to slowly grow complacent during the months and years after ending nicotine  

  

   use. Complacency is fueled by failing memories of daily captivity and the factors that  

  

   compelled us to seek freedom. 

  

   It's also fueled by an inability to recall the intensity of early withdrawal anxieties, the power 

  

   of cue triggered crave episodes or the duration of conscious fixation.  

  

   Most of us failed to keep a detailed record of why we commenced recovery or what those  

  

   first two weeks were like.  

  

   Without a record to remind us, we're forced to rely upon our memory to accurately and  

  

   vividly preserve the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But now, the memory  

  

   in which we placed our trust has failed us.  

  

   It isn't that our memory is bad, faulty or doing anything wrong. In fact, it's working as  

  

   designed to preserve in as much detail as possible life's joyful events, while suppressing and 

  

   helping us forget life's stressful events, anxieties, trauma and pain.  

  

   To do otherwise would make life inside these minds unbearable. In fact, post-traumatic  

  

   stress disorder (PTSD) is believed to reflect a breakdown in the mind's ability to forget. 

  

   If women were forced to remember the agony and pain of childbirth, most would likely  

  

   have only one child. We are each blessed with the ability to forget.  

  

   So how does the recovered nicotine addict who failed to record their journey home revive  

  

   their passion for freedom and recall liberty's price? If we forget the past are we destined to  

  

   repeat it? Not necessarily.  

  

   But just as any loving relationship needs nourishment to flourish, we should not take our  

  

   recovery for granted or the flame could eventually die, and the fire go out.  

  

   It's my goal to protect my freedom until I draw my last breath.  

  

   If you feel the same, then we need to nourish our desires. If we do, we win. If not, we risk  

  

   complacency allowing nicotine back into our bloodstream. We risk dying as slaves.  

  

   Whether daily, monthly or just once a year, our recovery benefits from care. But where do  

  

   we turn if our recovery memories have been suppressed and we've kept no record?  

  

   Our best resource is probably our brothers and sisters still in bondage. Why not enlist their  

  

   help in revitalizing our own memories of active dependency?  

  

   Talk to them. Let them know what you seek. Encourage them to be as candid and truthful  

  

   as possible.  

  

   Although it may look like they're enjoying their addiction, their primary objective is to stay  

  

   one step ahead of insula driven urges and craves.  

  

   Tell them the truth about where you now find yourself. Although not always the case, with  

  

   most you'll find their responses inspiring. Be kind and sincere. It wasn't long ago that those 

  

   were our shoes.  

  

   Try hard to recall those first two weeks without nicotine. Think about earlier uneducated  

  

   attempts. What were they like? Can you recall your mind begging to be fed? Feel the  

  

   anxieties. Were you able to concentrate? How was your sleep?  

  

   Did you feel depressed, angry, irritable, frustrated, restless or anxious? Were there rapidly  

  

   cycling emotions, irrational thinking or emotional outbursts?  

  

   Do you remember these things? Do you remember the price you paid? Do you recall the  

  

   reasons you willingly paid it?  

  

   If you have access to a computer, go online and visit any of the scores of smoking cessation  

  

   support groups. There we'll find thousands of battles being fought, hear a multitude of cries  

  

   and watch hundreds struggling for survival as they dream of the calmness and quiet you  

  

   now call home.  

  

   The newbies you'll see cannot begin to imagine traveling so far that remembering the  

  

   turmoil they now feel will someday soon become their greatest challenge of all. 

  

   If permitted, send a message to those in need. The most important thing you can tell them is 

  

   the truth about why you came. If still in the first few days they may be facing significant  

  

   anxieties. Their mind may have them convinced that their emotional storm will never end.  

  

   Don't pretend that you can feel their anxiety. Instead give them what they need, the truth.  

  

   Let them know that you've traveled so far that it's now difficult to relate.  

  

   Tell them how comfortable and complacent you've grown. Describe last week and how  

  

   many seconds, if any, that you devoted to thinking about using. 

  

   Fear of the unknown is frightening. Teach them what life on Easy Street is like. By aiding  

  

   them we aid ourselves. 

  

   It may be that complacency has you at a point where thoughts of wanting are again taking  

  

   root. But think back. How long had you gone without wanting?  

  

   If it is happening, rekindling pride in the amazing journey you once made may silence such  

  

   chatter. 

  

   If occurring, I suspect that you've either developed a romantic fixation with using, or failed to let go of one during recovery.  

     

   Amending the Law of Addiction 

  

   The second complacency factor working against us is a strong, natural desire to want to believe that we've been fully cured, that we can now handle "just one," "just once."  

  

   But just one puff, dip or chew and "do not pass go, do not collect $200." Go directly to the addict's prison and surrender your freedom.  It isn't that we don't believe the Law. It's probably more a matter of growing to believe that we're the exception to it. 

  

   We convince ourselves that we're stronger, smarter or wiser than all addicts who came before us.  We amend the law. We put ourselves above it. "Just once, it'll be ok, I can 

  

   handle it." "I'm stronger than them." "A little reward, it's been a while, I've earned it."  

  

   Such thoughts infect the mind and feed on themselves. Unless interrupted by reason and  

  

   truth, our period of healing and freedom may be nearing an end. 

  

   If allowed to fester, all our dreams and hard work risk being flushed like a toilet.  

  

   Instead of pretending we can handle" just one," such encounters demand truth. Before  

  

   reaching the point of throwing it all away we need to be honest about what's about to  

  

   happen.  

  

   If this moment should ever arrive, try telling yourself this before bringing nicotine back into 

  

   your body: 

  

   "My freedom will now end!" "I'm going back." "I can handle all of them, give them  

  

   all back to me, my entire addiction, all the trips to the store, the buys, the money, and 

  

   the empties." "I want it all back." "Go ahead, slowly harden my arteries and eat my  

  

   brain."  

  

   If a smoker, "fill my world with ash, cover me in that old familiar stench, and let  

  

   morning again be for coughing." If an oral user, "take my hair, destroy my teeth, and 

  

   put sores back into my mouth." 

  

   "Put me back behind bars, make me an outcast, throw away the key and let me die  

  

   with my master still circulating in my veins." "I accept my fate" "I'm ready to  

  

   surrender!"  

  

   It's far easier for the junkie mind to create a one puff, dip or chew exception to the "law"  

  

   than to admit the truth.  

  

   Instead of picturing just one or once, picture all of them. Try to imagine fitting them into  

  

   your mouth all at once. Because day after day, month after month, year after year after year  

  

   that's exactly where they'll be going. 

  

   "To thine own self be true." You navigated recovery. You paid the price, if any. You  

  

   deserve the truth! 

  

   If you find yourself attempting to rewrite the Law, stop, think, remember, reflect, read,  

  

   revisit, revive and give to others, but most important, be honest with you!  

     

   The Perfect Excuse 

  

   The final ingredient is an excuse. For many, any excuse will do, even joy! It could be a  

  

   reunion with an old buddy who uses, one too many drinks with friends, a wedding, a  

  

   graduation, or even a baby's birth and someone handing you a cigar.  

  

   Imagine being curious about the new electronic or e-cigarette with its atomization chamber,  

  

   smart chip, lithium battery, and cartridge filled with apple, cherry, strawberry, chocolate,  

  

   vanilla, coffee, mint or tobacco flavored nicotine. 

  

   Imagine watching an e-cigarette instantly vaporize nicotine when sucked and seeing a little  

  

   light at the end imitate a real cigarette's heat. What about a chance encounter with a self service display offering two pieces of Nicorette's new Cinnamon Surge," "Fruit Chill" or 

  

   "Cappuccino" flavors of nicotine gum for one penny!  What about being tempted to 

  

   try one of the other new nicotine delivery devices now hitting the streets? It's exactly what  

  

   those selling them are hoping will happen.  

  

   Imagine being offered the new fully dissolvable tobacco/nicotine toothpicks, sticks, film or  

  

   candy flavored orbs. 

  

   But joyful or even stupid nicotine relapse is harder to explain to ourselves and to those we  

  

   love.  

  

   The smart addict waits for the great excuse, the one that will be easy to sell to both  

  

   themselves and others. As sick as it may sound, the easiest to sell is probably the death of a  

  

   loved one.  

  

   Although everyone we love is destined to die and it will happen sooner or later, for the  

  

   reformed addict it's the perfect excuse for relapse. I mean, who can blame us for ingesting  

  

   highly addictive drugs upon the death of our mother.  

  

   Anyone who does would have to be extremely insensitive or totally heartless! Right?  

  

   Wrong! There is no legitimate excuse for relapse. 

  

   Losing a job, the end of a relationship, a serious illness, disease, a terrorist attack, financial  

  

   problems, a flood, earthquake, hurricane, an auto accident, are all great excuses too - it's  

  

   drug time again! The addict is back!  

  

   Utterly terrible events will happen in each of our lives. Such is life. Adding full-blown  

  

   nicotine relapse to any situation won't fix, correct or undo our underlying concern.  

  

   Take a moment now and picture yourself fully navigating the worst nightmare your mind  

  

   can imagine.  

  

   Sooner or later it will happen. When it does, staying clean and free may be the most  

  

   positive factor during this period of darkness.  

  

   Remember, we've only traded places with our chemical dependency and the key to the cell  

  

   is that one hit of nicotine that will force your brain's survival instincts teacher to teach a  

  

   false lesson, and make that lesson nearly impossible in the short term to forget. 

  

   As long as we stay on freedom's side of the bars, we are the jailers and our dependency the  

  

   prisoner. 

  

   There are only two choices. We can complete this temporary period of adjustment and enjoy 

  

   comfortable probation for life, or introduce nicotine back into our bloodstream, relapse, and  

  

   intentionally inflict cruel and unusual punishment upon these innocent bodies for the  

  

   remainder of their time on earth.  

  

   If the first choice sounds better - lifetime probation - then we each need only follow one  

  

   simple rule ... no nicotine today!