This is not a whine or pity blog. I don't want ANY of that! I really don't want to be kicked or judged either! I owe some of you an answer, you have asked me for one, if you are not one of those people, please stop reading NOW!
I am confused and afraid.
This all starts about 4 months ago. I felt like I was losing it, maybe dementia? I went to more than 1 Doctor complaining about, memory loss, loss of time, light-headedness, falling several times a day and more. For no reason, I have lost 31 pounds and my precious quit of 519 days and another of 10 days and most recently another for 120 + days.
Some have said that it's reasons/excuses. So, I just haven't wanted to talk about it. I am just sick about the whole thing. I truly thought I would never smoke again! I am grateful to still be sober and clean!
It's like this I drank hard and did a lot of drugs for 43 years and it took a toll. I am now 5 years sober and clean, but what's done is done. I have made my amends, the damage to my brain remains. I also smoked for 45 years and that also causes damage. 3 1/2 years ago I was given a very heavy narcotic for a headache at the ER (which they said later was a mistake, but at the time the nurse said you are gonna love this) I smacked the needle across the room but it was too late. I had gone in because I couldn't breathe and that medication sent me into respiratory distress. They sent me home. My caseworker came by on her way home from work (by the grace of God) and got me back to the ER. 55% blood ox and had to be vented, lost 6 days of memory and yes there was some other permanent loss and damage and yes I was awake and don't remember anything and yes I wanted to smoke so they put an alarm on my butt and restrained me to the bed. They tell me I was a mess and so I made everyone else's life a mess too!
Some have said people, places, and things, but I have been going through my old blogs and I was down at the club dancing with oxygen strapped to my back with smoking and drinking friends, from day one! Do I think it stinks hell yeah! But I lead, I do not follow and just because someone else does something doesn't mean I do, or I'd been, well it's been a wild ride! I will leave that to your imagination! Brandy was also here 4 of 7 days every week smoking and stinking. (He did not quit until I had already been quit 6 months).
Why did I smoke? I wanted to smoke one and I smoked, and I tried to do the recommended thing and come right back. This is not a one size fits all deal.
Some of the symptoms that have been going on for the 4 months are lessening and I am feeling better. The flu, COPD flare-up, stomach flu, and severe depression did not help. I am also diagnosed bi-polar, anxiety attacks, hyperactivity, PTSD, axis 2 and more. Still not an excuse/reason, because I quit for 519 days!
I am here every day reading and lurking. I don't have a right to participate in discussions/blogs or anything public, right now. I do hit the like button some, well a lot! haha!
I will be back! I need to find my willingness and determination and whatever it was I has the first time around. I am, it's slow but sure. The Doctors can't find what's wrong, besides all the crap we already know! I have good days and bad days with this!
Please know that I never had any intention of hurting myself or any of you! I Love you all and I miss you all too!
PS. I also get mad at things and toss 'em out the front door, I have been known to go outside in my socks when it's rainy and muddy, along with many other very strange things! LOL!
So why did I smoke???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi everyone, I've been kind of afraid to say anything because when I said I was doing better last Friday, BAM 1 1/2 days in bed! But I think it's safe to say that it's slow but I feel a little better each day. I am still coughing quite a bit and don't like to talk long. I am not gasping to breathe now and the wheezing is better. I just feel like a wimp! I am sore and weak.
I had a caseworker pick me up and take me out to Walmart, today, first time out in 3 or 4 weeks. After standing at the service desk for awhile, my legs got so tired, I got one of those electric carts and grabbed a few things and got out.
I am keeping in contact with the Dr. My steroids are gone and I am still taking the antibiotics 2 Xs a day & cough medicine as needed. Of course, my nebulizer started acting up in the middle of it all, but they finally did send out a new one. Brandy got my clothes dryer fixed, so I'm doing pretty good.
Tomorrow will be my first AA meeting in 3-4 weeks and I have a bus scheduled both ways. So I think things are getting back to normal around here, whatever that is! LOL!
Oh, my goodness! Well, 1 1/2 days later I have made it out to the living room from the bed to the chair. It has been a bad hair day and I missed April Fool's Day! I am so sorry. I have put up the April Pledge and I am sorry it is late. Hopefully, I didn't leave anything out! If I did, let me know and I'll add it!
Happy April to each and every one of you and thank you for your patience!
Here is the link to the April Pledge, Please come join us!
Hello, It's been almost 3 days since I started taking the right medications, Many of you have been asking how I am doing, it's slow. My cough and wheezing are still bad. I am using night time oxygen only as needed. The fever only comes at night and is low grade. Since I am at home I am taking 4 breathing treatments a day. I started having my flare-up about 2 months ago, the DR knew about it and it was under control. I thought!
I should have insisted upon seeing a/my pulmonologist in the first place (2 weeks ago), the ER, and the ambulance tech. were a real setback. I did test positive for the flu but taking Tamiflu alone while having a COPD flare-up was not helpful. Once on the correct medications, I started to improve.
Since Brandy is living here now, he has been very helpful in the evenings. His pampering is great. He is still smoking, though, which is not helpful. He smokes outside and not near as much since I have been sick (his stinky things are still in the house), and he is in full addiction to nicotine, which makes me sad But that has to be his choice.
I called my Pulmo yesterday and I was told to give it about 3 more days and I should start to feel human again!
Thank you for all of your concerns, well wishes, and prayers! You are all appreciated! Of course, they are helping and comforting!
Please don't smoke. somebody loves you! Please love yourself enough not to smoke! I Love You!
This is an original e-cigarette. they do not take liquid. The nicotine is in the filter which is disposable. The battery is the tube and plugs in. Keeps the hand to mouth action of smoking going. My opinion is it's a bad deal!
These are vapes. The individual measures the liquid.Though they do not look like cigarettes they are as bad or worse Very dangerous, my opinion! Anyone Heard of This?
I really don't see either of these as quit smoking aids! my opinion!
I am happy to say that I celebrated 100 days of Freedom, today! Thanks to all of you that celebrated with me!
I want to thank all of the Elders that helped me get through my relapse 100 days ago. I also want to thank all of the newer folks, too! You tell me all the time how much I help you, what you don't know is each time I help one of you, it helps me. It not only strengthens your quit but it strengthens mine as well!
It is very important for us to remember to come here first or call someone BEFORE we smoke. To do whatever it takes not to smoke NO MATTER WHAT. 101 days ago I did it wrong and threw caution to the wind and forgot to NOPE! I examined what happened and how impulsively I behaved, so I studied more prepared more and continued to practice, plan and prepare. (Thank-You, Jackie!) Meanwhile, I came back the very next day and was honest with the community, reset my clock and begun again.
They tell us to remain vigilant and protect our quits for a reason and I let my guard down and quit on my quit. I was my own worst critic and some others were pretty rough on me as well. For the most part, this is a very understanding and supportive community. Slowly I am getting back to a place where I feel pretty safe most days. I have the Elders and the newbies to thank for that!
I can't begin to tell you how much I have gained and grown since I joined this community on June 22, 2015! I am grateful to all of you!
And ya know what I think it's time that I can start saying: Don't Quit on your Quit and I Won't Quit on my Quit again!
Here is a link to my first 100-day blog. Quit clock! and my thank you! Thanks! ~Terrie~ I Won't Quit on my Quit!
plug66 and I are working together to find out anything we can about Sharon shashort and still nothing. We have feelers out all over the place. As soon as we find something out, one of us will post. ~Terrie~
Please keep those positive thoughts and prayers coming in! Thank-You
I talked to Sharon, very briefly this evening, she was in surgery for a long time. She was going to blog or call me back, but I'll bet she fell asleep. I don't have anything to tell you other than I heard her voice and she's raspy. I'll find out more tomorrow if I can. Please keep the prayers coming. ~Terrie~
Prayer Circle is where I will be posting so I am not double posting!
Since my failed quit of 519 days, with a broken heart (self-inflicted) I got back on my quit the very next day and I am 92 days free now. I Think it should be a cake walk now, but some things have changed and I now live with a smoker (Brandy). He smokes outside but his stinkin' belongings are inside. Although hidden, so are tubes, tobacco, and a rolling machine So sometimes I think I would like to smoke (I really don't want too). I have found a new way to take my mind off smoking and keep my hands busy. It's a great hobby and cheap!
Walmart sell's enough beads (with some left over) for $3.98 for each necklace. I took my time, so it took about an hour and 1/2 to make each one. Marilyn.H.July.14.14. suggested that I use dental floss to string them, flexible, yet strong and won't break! Thank- You, Marilyn! So, I didn't think about smoking and I made something I'm proud of!. ~Terrie, still aboard my camel out here in NML~ One day at a time, baby! NOPE!
Good Morning, everyone, I am all around the site all the time, I just don't blog so much (hardly ever) anymore but I have a little something that I would like to share this morning, check this out!
Terrie - Free and Healing for Three Months, 6 Hours and 31 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 15 Days and 16 Hours, by avoiding the use of 4514 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $1,132.59.
My quit is going fairly well, and I am real happy about it!
Wishing you all well and great success in your quit journeys! Make it a great day! ~Terrie~
can now be found here COPD He has been posting them for us and I am following that group but I get no notification that he has posted. It's good stuff. If you want to see click the link! Thanks ~Terrie~
Let me tell you all how wonderful I think/know you all are! Thanks for all of your support! I appreciate you all!
Please know that I did not mean to cause all of the upset that I did! This was not an isolated incident, it has been going on for awhile. (since we moved) My posts getting changed and moved in combination with me having a hard time understanding what is going on! The move was hard on many of us, older and maybe a little set in our ways (well, I should only speak for myself). I have tried as hard as possible to understand. Somethings are thought to be a burden to me are not! I have enjoyed posting a daily promise daily and now, to my understanding, you may find them incorporated into the daily pledge and not in a daily blog. This took away some of my purpose and I was angry and crying! So, I acted out! I am so sorry!
I am staying and will do my best to get with the program! The only reason I was so worried about those daily promises, not only did they give me purpose, many of you liked them and asked me to blog them daily and not keep them hidden in the pledge, like it used to be, where no one ever read them!
I Love you all! and again, Thank-you for all of your effort in getting me to stay, IT WORKED! ~Terrie~
Thanks for all your input. Let me sleep on this. I am just really having a hard time understanding what I am supposed to do! I will work with Mark as much as possible tomorrow and we will see what happens!
I just love you all! Thanks so much for your support! ~Terrie~