No, you’re not “going crazy”. You…are…grieving!
I know, it’s weird to think that you’re mourning the loss of cigarettes. But, despite being poisonous, you were addicted to them, and you wanted - needed! - to be with them 20 times a day, every day, for years and years and YEARS. They were part of your life and your very identity.
Now, they’re gone.
And a part of you is gone now, too. The smoker you were for decades. That person is…done. Gone. Finished. And you are the one who pulled the plug! On yourself!
That’s some pretty messed up psychodynamics!
But, you can read up on this psychological transformation, and become empowered to understand what’s going on. Because, when we say “it gets better”, what we are often saying is, “you’ll work through the grief in your own due time, and you can achieve acceptance.” (NOTE: Some do not put much stock in this, and others (including me) find reality in it. You get to choose for yourself….but only if you read up on it, and make an informed choice.)
So, I want to share this first link because it actually graphs the feelings of being “immobilized” and “frozen” and depressed by loss. Many of you have mentioned this exact thing in recent blogs…
Next, here is a Wikipedia article on grieving. I’m including this one because it specifically addresses the fact that we often do mourn the “passing” of our addicted selves, and the substance we abused…
Finally, I came across this article that suggests there could be 7 Stages of Grief, not the traditional 5. I found it to be interesting; you might, too…
Keep in mind that the Grief Cycle was developed to help understand how we deal with terminal illness and death. However, it is common practice to apply this concept to many major life-changes, such as giving up a decades-long addiction. As you read the information, “relate it” to your situation by swapping out “loved one“, “him“ and “her“ with “cigarettes“ and “smoking“. See if it speaks to you.
So, yeah…you’re not going crazy; you’re healing your way through the excision of your cancerous addiction, and working your way through the death of your cigarette-smoking alter ego. Take a little time today to understand what you might be going through, okay?