Patty (Ladybug) cautioned me that, in the days after my quit, Nicodemon would whisper lies to me, and that those lies would feel very real and persuasive because Nicodemon would be using my own voice to get what he wanted. That it would move inside me and sound exactly like me, as if I were its puppet. That the urgent begging for a puff of the drug would feel like me pleading for relief, inside my own head.
Oh, such insidious trickery!
Of course, as time went on and I cultivated my quit here, I learned that there is no trickery going on at all.
There is only recovery.
Just yesterday, Patty and I revisited the notion that “Nicodemon” is us. He is me. He is you, too. So, if “Nicodemon” seems to know all of our weaknesses, it’s because we know how to wheedle and cajole ourselves into doing things we ought not do. (We were very good at it, after all, and we know how to work it.) And if “Nicodemon” seems to be able to thwart all of our best, positive self-talk, it’s probably because we don’t have much faith in it, didn’t prepare enough (or at all?) to believe in it, or are too afraid that it all might…actually…work. (Gasp!)
So, Nicodemon is the version of us that we need to get rid of.
No, wait…that’s not right.
“Nicodemon” is the version of us that we need to correct with knowledge and discipline.
It is not some weird outside force that compels us to smoke poison again. It is not some supernatural specter that haunts us, makes us wilt with fear and crumble against our wills.
No, “ Nicodemon” is the version of us that we need to correct with knowledge and discipline.
STORM: 140
