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The Habit of Hating Yourself

star17
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I was reading another post about what the benefits of being smoke-free are, and saw a post that really stood out to me about how, smoke free, she won't start the day off hating herself.


I never really thought about how much I have come to think of hating myself as just "what I do." Starts off first thing in the morning with the bad breath sore throat wake-up call, and just goes from there. Afternoons smoking where all the neighbors can watch me as I chain-smoke, evenings outside on the phone for hours while I smoke, ignoring my guy indoors. Throwing on a hoodie to go run errands quick, so I can get back to smoking without "wasting" too much time. Crazy and depressing! And all the failed quits that I didn't manage to do. It just got me to really not being able to stand myself.

 

I'm out of the habit of treating myself well, and the way I see my body (and looks) has gotten really critical and negative over the years. Today though, I can say something positive about myself. Didn't smoke today. Lasted through an entire Zumba class. So those are two good things about me. I didn't wake up hating myself this morning, and now I'm working on noticing when I'm hating myself during the day and doing something about it. It's become a bad habit, but now that I'm out of my abusive relationship with my backstabbing bff, the cigarettes, I can start to turn that around and rediscover my self-worth.

 

I'm a good person, a wonderful person, a beautiful person, sometimes I might not see it, but I know it's there. Having the courage to get the cigarettes out of my life and stand on my own two feet is something that only a strong and brave person would do. Only a person who secretly knows how great they are would bother quitting. That goes for me, and that goes for all of us. So I'm out of touch with it, but I'm getting my groove back. Little by little. There are things to like about me, you'd better believe it!

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