SkyGirl

About Being Afraid...

Blog Post created by SkyGirl on Feb 22, 2014

There are so many new folks here on EX!  I love getting to know them and watch them learning, reading and preparing for their Quit Date!  Today, there was a blog posted by someone who talked about being afraid to Quit.  I assured her that most of us were very scared as the reality of what it means to quit forever loomed closer and closer.  I suggested she go reach some of the earliest blogs of the Elders to see how they felt when they approached their Quit Date.  Then I got curious about my own early blogs just before I quit.  So I found it on my page and read it.  Holy cow!  I was a basket case!  So insecure.  So needy.  So AFRAID.  Thank goodness for all the wonderful people here on EX who rushed in to comment and help me!!  It's absolutely true that there are no "outsiders" here.  We welcome all new folks with open arms and we are excited to bring you into the circle of support!  We are all equal here.  

   
  Then I got the idea to reprint my blog for the Newbies to read.  It's solid evidence that you can be terrified of quitting and still be successful in your Quit.  
   
  I was SO afraid of quitting.  But I did it.  And so can you guys!  
   
  So here's my blog on the day before my Quit Date.
   
  xxxooo,  Sky
   
   
   Tomorrow is the big day... by Sky Girl   
   
   
   and, all of a sudden, I'm a split personality.  I've been so looking forward to being free. I WANT to quit so badly and I DON'T want to quit.  I'm AFRAID now.  I'm looking at this all wrong today.  I'm really fighting with myself because I KNOW I truly hate smoking, I KNOW I WANT to be free of this awful addiction.  I DO believe I'm capable of quitting. I've been preparing myself for 24 days by reading, tracking, thinking, making lists, etc.  so why, just before the big day, am I feeling like I'm losing my best friend????  I'm sitting out here on my patio, smoking like a madwoman, just because I still CAN today.  Why can't I convince myself that I shouldn't be seeing it as a matter of "can't" smoke starting tomorrow.  Up until now, I've been seeing it as being free finally.  I felt so positive about this new beginning.  But today, it feels like a sacrifice and I'm scared.  I know, I know, I know I need to get back to viewing it in a positive light.  It IS positive.  I CAN and I WILL and ill be so much better off.  But today, those words just feel like a fake front.  I thought I would be SOOOO happy today, knowing I was ready and excited for tomorrow.  Now, honestly, I just feel frightened about tomorrow.  This morning, I remembered that one of the last steps on my prep list is to throw out all my lighters.  Damn, I love my fancy little colorful lighters from Paris!  Now, how stupid is THAT?  Attached to my lighters???  And, now, I just looked at my ashtray.  It's a gorgeous vintage aqua glass ashtray that I got at an antique store.  My God, I'm even romancing my ASHTRAY.  I need some serious help today, so I can get back to all the strong positives feelings that, deep inside, I KNOW are still hiding inside my brain.  I WILL quit tomorrow.  I just need some serious pep talk right now, pleeeease?
   
  See?  So know that fear is normal and it won't stop you unless you LET it stop you!  xo, Sky

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