SkyGirl

Day Ten: Having a bit of a hard time again.

Blog Post created by SkyGirl on Oct 6, 2012

Woke up wanting a cigarette with my coffee today.  Didn't do it, because I don't give myself access to cigarettes and because I don't intend to smoke no matter what.. BUT, it was another moderately-frantic day.  Helped Jeff with the hotel guests and then went driving up the coast.  My brain is telling me that I want, that I NEED. that I CAN'T go on without a cigarette. Oh,YEAH????  YES. I CAN.  Because, as usual, I am smarter than the lies my brain is telling me.  I do NOT need a nicotine refill.  It is DAY TEN for for me.  I am gonna start counting my TOES tomorrow because I'm out of fingers after today.  How cool is that?  Oh.  Oh.  Oh. But I'd love to find someone with a cigarette tonight and borrow it and have a puff.  But I WON"T.  And I'm really really really really really really proud of myself that the opportunity is there and that my desire to be a non-smoker is greater. It sounds so easy, but I'm crying now and Jeff is patting my back and he's also saying, "can we PLEASE go home and have ice cream instead of worrying about smokng?  We'll go home and scratch lottery cards and think about replacement behaviors, Darling..."  What a guy.  I'm a not a loser unless I pick up another cigarette.  Which I WON'T.

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