Time to reflect or junkie thinking creeping up again

Blog Post created by rj_ on Apr 29, 2010

Hello All,

It has been awhile since I posted anything, and decided because of a recent incident to come back and take a look at my old post and read some of ya'lls.

It has been a rough couple months, had some major set backs, my wife was injured in a car accident, (doing ok now) but because of that we've had a neice staying with us the last couple months helping out. She is young and smokes about a pack every few days, a few times I have mentioned her quitting, and tried to point her to make her own decision to quit.

She wont take money but I been buying her smokes, so last night I brought her home a new carton she got out a pack and opened them, I had a fleeting thought of how a fresh pack used to smell, the carton was sitting on the counter, a few minutes later I found myself holding a sealed pack under my nose inhailing trying to get a whiff of a "freshly opened pack" My wife looked up at me like I was crazy and I put the pack back in the carton and did not think anything else of it.

Today I got to thinking of my quit, I realized I was coming up on the same time frame I was when I killed my long pause of 2000-2003. I also realized that the death of that 32 month pause started with junkie thinking creeping into my mind over a period of several weeks until I convinced myself I could have "just one" and go on with life, that cost me an additional 4 years of slavery to the addiction at 2 cartons a week until I got the will and education to quit permently.

So here I am, in the know, I am gonna keep this junkie thinking away, I 'm not proud to say that since I have had a smoker around again that old "just one" thought has passed through my mind a few times for a split second, but mostly I just laugh it off.

Today I am here cause I know that I am a junkie, junkie thinking is a loosing propostion I refuse to be lulled again and kill this quit.

Today I am free, I popped my quit counter so I could include my stats, I'm not looking for cudos or anything, just offering some words of encouragement to others and keeping myself in line, Thanks for listening....

RJ...Free at Last 2 yrs 7 mos 12 days 8 hrs 25 min 8 seconds, saving 132 days 16 hours and 30 mins of life, and $4,950.88 and not inhailing 38,214 death sticks...